Fear of losing your mind

I want another baby so bad but I have this fear that I’m going to get post partum physcosis or something. It’s literally so sad.

I’ve been trying to sit with if I end up having psychosis if I have a second baby then I do and I’ll deal with it then . IBut even when I think that I roll my eyes and laugh how ridiculous that is but yet still fills me with fear. But from understanding that’s the only option we have. What a joy ocd is!

My mom has severe mental illness which a part of my fear is turning into her and when I say I’m not her again I get the that’s not true hot feeling

I’m going through the same thing. Even if I say that’s ridiculous I would never hurt anyone these aren’t my values it feels like I’m lying. Like I can’t even feel the truth . Does that happen to you that even if you say no I’m not or that won’t ever happen it feels untrue?

I’m a mom too and want another baby so bad and jsut to be normal. I was totally fine for months I even forget this happens to me… until I get into an episode. I’m ok at letting the thoughts be there and trying to laugh at them and shake my head. But what’s getting me now is I can’t even say no that’s not true but I guess that’s arguing with the thought which feeds the cycle but it’s infuriating and unfair

I went through a whole I’m gay theme for years and after I had my son it turned to harm . It goes away but when you’re in it it’s unbarable really .

Like you know logically what this is but that gives no relief bc your brain can’t separate the two until the ocd light switch goes off

A lot of times my intrusive thoughts are commands which is scarier I think

But I know that is common apparently

I get what you’re saying completely. you’re literally explaining what I haven’t been able too!!!!!! so thank you

The commands are wild. And how quickly they rapid fire. Like wtf??? All of it is wild really . And I’m someone who really likes answers and likes to understand scientifically why things happen which also makes all of this harder

How do we even do an exposure with this theme to try and make it better?

And we’re also supposed to find the core fear and work on that. Did you find that out? But that seems to be silly- you can take that fear seriously and really figure it out but all the other fears are ocd BS?

Like I can sit here and say I’m not gonna lose my mind and hurt my family but for some reason it’s almost like my mind can’t feel 100% certain bc of the way this fear is causing me so much anxiety. I fxkng hate it. Re reading that even kinda freaked me out that’s how bad it triggers me. I now have triggers during like crime docs and anytime psychosis or schizophrenia is mentioned or anything postpartum it triggers me. I also have an intense fear of something happening to my child which I think is pretty rational bc that’s every mom?! being a parent brings on so much anxiety let alone how bad OCD can amplify it I guess. Idk I’m also still trying to figure it all out.

You and I are the same. I always had health anxiety and germ anxiety . Hate Raw meat etc. but this is new level the last 12 years that’s just not cute

I think my core fear has something to do with becoming someone else or neo genuine. When in reality being genuine is so important to me. Also my dad is gay which I think is where my gay ocd came from. I apparently have a problem of separating my self from who made me. Like if my parents are this I’m this.

And I feel you. The fears we have are so stupid and it makes me so sad I’m wasting my time but this is a disorder that is making us waste our time. I’m always able to come out of it after months bc at that time I think I’m fed up and I then go into the ok sure maybe ocd . And then it does go away so I’m trying to start here this time. Like locigcally the fact you and I and so many other people have the same thing should lessen the scariness of it but we can’t feel logic on this state . It’s staring right at you and you can’t see it .

I’m here to chat with you anytime honestly it’s so helpful bc saying these things to my spouse just don’t work well he try’s to understand but says if you think it then it just be true so…

Sameeeeeeee

It feels like mental Tourette’s

I hate I know too. I also hate this has kept happening to me for 12 years and will keep happening. I also hate that after 12 years each episode feels like the beginning

Do you get months of relief and it comes out of nowhere

I know thinking you can kick this thing… it’s a life long condition which sucks. But hopefully the longer you have it the better you get at not caring

I jsut feel like people in therapy still have lifelong episode spikes like this and it’s still no matter what about brushing off the thoughts as nothing

I jsut would love to understand why and I don’t think there’s any explanation. Like it makes no sense if these thoughts are so far from what I value and am why is my brain even spitting them out

Thanks please keep me updated! This will pass like it has before we both know that but sucks for now

I think ocd should WTF ! Bc—- wtf!

I know it’s so stupid and ocd garbage but it’s annoying I can’t say these aren’t my values bc that’s one of the non engagement techniques

I keep saying ok maybe maybe not but that is scary to this stupid theme

Ive had that thought too

Have you done therapy? I’ve read so much, done online therapy things I jsut feel like no matter what it’s “let the thoughts be there”

I have but I feel like I’m back to square 1 with this recent episode. I guess we have to work on acceptance but that feels impossible when at this point we don’t even know what we are feeling… it’s crazy how strong your mind is. you’ve made me realize that it’s not so much the thought anymore but it’s the fact that I feel as if I almost feel uncertain as if it could happen. ugh

It’s so hard. Literalllllyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy!!!! I have no effing clue but I’m assuming it has something to do with my fear of dying on top of the fear of something happening to me and leaving my child behind. Idk I always had health anxiety thought like I assume the worse and google everything . I’m wondering if it like shifted to mental wise

And most if not all of my fears are pretty irrational like the ones that keep me in episodes so it’s hard

And then the fact that I can be so wrapped up in my head over something so “silly” makes me so sad. Like I can sit here and type this out and actually mean it but here comes this fear creeping back in like what if it DOES THO. and yeah my commands are scary bc why does it just feel like it’s not your thought. that also ignites my fear bc im like wow that’s it im really losing it this time can’t even think or feel 100% certain. But in reality ocd makes it hard for you to process things anyways so I guess it makes sense.

I can’t feel the truth is sticking with me girl bc wow like. I don’t know why I couldn’t think of that. It’s hard for me to explain it. But that’s what’s driving it for me I’m pretty sure. It’s even scary to open up bc things are so taboo but that’s also the joys of ocd:(

My sister gets it and has harm thoughtr but her ocd isn’t commands and she can know she’d never do that

It does help seeing I’m not alone. I hate that you guys know what it feels like but wow I feel less alone.

YESSSSSSS

I just recently been in the head space of understanding im not changing my brain like i can definitely change my thinking and help improve the ocd but literally its life long so what do they say acceptance is the first step… LOL, not funny

Also feels like the beginning thing is so relatable. daily I have lived with ocd since I was about 8???? So right now I still deal with contamination like I hate leftovers anymore I feel like they have bacteria that will make me sick and die which could also be the health ocd. I may or may not have relationship ocd that’s been going on for the past three years. it’s all mostly mental though but now this harm ocd?! crazy work it has caused so much anxiety in my life it’s ridiculous. So this past episode where I was constantly in a panic state I literally felt so alone and helpless and like this was it. And then exactly like you said when you’re out of it it’s so easy to think oh lol that’s silly . Hope that made sense I’m texting fast

my intrusive thoughts have gotten worse I noticed since my miscarriage

so it’s been about 4 months of dealing with it and this by far is the hardest … until next theme

Or not being afraid of them. but it is hard when at times you literally feel like you aren’t controlling your brain bc you can’t feel the truth

Like I understand the maybe maybe not but it doesn’t always work for every situation so I do feel like I’m at like a dead end but I’m hoping soon to just be okay with this or just be able to feel normal again so I can move on from this theme in specific . Ugh

It’s wild . I’ve been trying to say I love my intrusive thoughts! Trying to lie to myself like my brain is lying to me

You’ve done erp and still in the same boat?

make you feel like your brain is hijacked.

For some reason this is what ocd does . You’ve read it a million times that’s what is said over and over

So what is an example erp for this theme

I’m not too sure yet. I just started with my therapist but I will keep you updated on things that help me since we are pretty similar , I didn’t realize that we weren’t allowed to side chat so my one comment was removed

I just know the maybe maybe not does not help me with this. I just think about the theme and my stomach drops

Has anyone learned why ocd is such a mean and out there type of voice?? Like why such disgusting things?? Just doesn’t make any sense to me why the thoughts have to be so rough and intense if that’s not who you are? Like where is it coming from and why??

What does your therapist have to say about all this though?

What does she say when you tell her that stuff?