jealousy is a bug

I feel so stupid when I get this way but I have a friend (best word for it, more like an acquaintance) that I sort of have a crush on (eww gross I know) and I introduce them to one of my best friends and now they’ve befriend each other. My best friend doesn’t know I like this acquaintance, nor does the acquaintance know that I like them and they do not like me, so I have absolutely no claim to them or right in feeling however I do but often find myself feeling jealous when they talk to each other. It doesn’t seem that they’re interested in each other either, but sometimes I worry, but it doesn’t matter because me and said acquaintance have no romantic involvement whatsoever so I really shouldn’t be having these feelings. I think I’m a bit obsessive and possessive and there’s no reason to be, we’re not a thing and never will be. I feel this way when said acquaintance interacts with virtually anyone else who could be of potential romantic interest to them. How to stop feeling jealous?

Love1another<3

User type: OCD Conqueror

Date posted: 2d

I’m so sorry you’re dealing with those hard feelings. 1st, jealously is a normal human emotion that we’re all born with. You’re allowed to feel feelings- feelings of sadness and jealousy, etc. regardless of the situation. I want you to treat yourself like you would treat a loved one: picture a young child who is crying because they have a crush on someone and that crush is not reciprocated- we wouldn’t tell that child they have no right to feel upset. We would have compassion for that child because they are experiencing a normal reaction to having a broken heart. I want you to extend yourself that same self-compassion. Since it’s natural to feel this way, I want you to practice sitting with the discomfort of that emotion existing, just like we would in ERP therapy. When we allow feelings to exist while we do exposures, those feelings will pass on their own in time. We allow space for our feelings to float by gently like clouds. But at the same time, you don’t have to force yourself to stay in an uncomfortable situation that makes you unhappy. Perhaps you should consider whether or not you need to distance yourself, for your emotional well-being

DeeDoo

Date posted: 2d

@Love1another<3 Wow, made me teary eyed because I feel like this is the advice I’ve been needing to hear and finally received, thank you so much (I wish there were a better way to save and pin this but in my memories it goes). I’ve tried distancing and it doesn’t work, it hurts me so much more, I only ever hurt myself in the end because I am just so emotional. But perhaps I need to focus less on how I feel about everything outside of myself and simply think of me and center all those emotions towards loving myself. I appreciate you, kind soul, gave me much to think on.

Love1another<3

User type: OCD Conqueror

Date posted: 2d

@DeeDoo Aw I’m so happy that I could help you :) That makes me feel great so thanks for telling me 🧡 Yes I know society often tells us that we’re not “allowed” to feel certain emotions (like jealously or sadness) if we’re not in a commitment with someone. But I personally don’t believe in that because it goes against our human nature. It’s more unhealthy to pretend not to feel the emotions you were born with, so I hope that one day you can give yourself permission to feel your feelings. I totally get you when you say that distance hurts. It truly does! Unfortunately I don’t have a perfect answer for that. But I will say that “behavioral activation” can help a lot. It’s a technique for depression where you basically force yourself to do things you value even though you don’t feel like it. For example, maybe one day you’d rather lay in bed and be sad. Well, how about go to the mall instead. You may feel sad at the mall too but at least you can be proud of yourself for doing something to help yourself. Keep doing fun things that you love and who knows, maybe you’ll find an even better guy in the process :) The world is a huge place. There’s 8 billion people. So I’m sure you’ll find a great guy for you. Always go for the guy who reciprocates your feelings. If his feelings aren’t reciprocated, he’s not the one and you’re actually better off that way because if a guy doesn’t want to be with you, you shouldn’t want to be with him either. It’s okay girl, when one door closes, another one opens! 🔑

DeeDoo

Date posted: 2d

@Love1another<3 You’re right, perhaps I just need to push myself out of my comfort zone and accept that things may not be perfect but maybe that just means it’s not meant to be and there’s better out there. Maybe distance is the solution, even if there isn’t anyone for me, allowing myself to be free is better than holding onto something that isn’t real or will never happen. Why would I waste my time and energy on someone who wouldn’t do the same for me? I need to learn to prioritize my needs over the needs of others and care less about what everyone else thinks of me. Thank you, I have a lot of thinking to do and a lot of hurt to process but it’ll be okay in time, I hope. I appreciate the response, it helped a lot, much love. 🫶🫶

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