Need advice (or support)

Hello everyone. I'm here in search of help. First time posting here so apologies for any mistakes. I'm not diagnosed with OCD but ive been dealing with intrusive thoughts for around a year or so. It could be more, but my specific problem i noticed started probably around 2024. It all involves obsessive thoughts towards an online friend I have known for a while. I have constant worries over past mistakes and things I've done/said to them, and even tho we have talked about them and solved them, my brain seems stuck. Things such as feeling bad and feeling they hate me even tho I know they don't, wanting to avoiding talking to them so I don't make another "mistake" again, feeling anxious when being texted, avoiding saying certain things and so on. I have urges to self sabotage or tell them my thoughts but I know I should not do that. I've been trying to do ERP on my own once I realised that Ive been falling back to old habits, such as telling my thoughts to my best friend (and other friends) and then the conversation dragging for hours without results. Or how I'd seek reassurance. Anyway, I made it a goal to not have an episode (as i call them) with the online friend I mentioned in order to teach my brain not to react with anxiety, and this lasted for april. It's may now, and while I think there's improvements, I feel I'm not doing things right? If this part is ocd, please ignore it. I cannot afford therapy hence my attempt on doing this on my own. I wanted to post here to break the "loop" (took a bit to make an account but I'm here now lol). Has anyone else experienced something similar? If so, is there any advice you can give? I'd highly appreciate it! So far, anxious responses have been minimized, but I still get them. I make sure to ignore/not give attention to the thoughts but sometimes it feels impossible but I try remind myself progress is not linear. Aside from the problems listed, I noticed I'm dealing with some jealousy towards the friend, which I absolutely hate. Thank you in advance for reading. If a trigger warning is needed please tell me. If more context is needed I'll be happy to give it (since I feel i didn't explain my situation too well and it sounds too vague)

Anonymous

Date posted: 14h

You have the right idea. Sounds like you are able to keep going with what you're doing. One thing that might be helpful for you is to remember it's not enough to ignore the thoughts and sit with them you have to then take action. I know you said you can't afford therapy but if you can afford a book or if you have an Amazon music account you could use your free book for it but there's a book by Jeffrey Schwartz called brain lock And I haven't finished listening to all of it but it's been helpful for sure

Anonymous

Date posted: 14h

Basically ignoring the thoughts and not taking action is like not arguing with someone but staying in the same space as them and not getting busy doing something else you want to do

potatoo

Date posted: 14h

@Anonymous - Oh yes, I've been trying my best to keep myself distracted and continue doing what i was doing. Just hard some days. Ty for the advice, I'll check the book out if im able to!! (And happy to hear i have the right idea that makes me feel better)

Anonymous

Date posted: 12h

@potatoo I'm glad it helped. It takes a sort of what feels like reckless abandon and leap of faith for us to get well. On my good days I like the feeling because it reminds me I'm going in the right direction but also I get glimpses of the other side where I feel like I'm on solid ground again and it gives me hope it's going to work in the long run and be worth it

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