OCD can be difficult to recognize, and its early symptoms are often misunderstood or overlooked. Sometimes it’s only in hindsight that things start to make sense. What was the first OCD symptom you remember experiencing?
I was very young but shame and avoidance big time
@Scaredycat Carole Sameee shame and avoidance were my big ones
@Scaredycat Carole Thank you for sharing this. I can relate. I never thought of them as signs
This is SO relatable.
Avoiding certain things (ex: if I look at this thing I’ll be in danger)
Yup.
I 100% believed that "step on a crack and you'll break your mother's back," thing and would be so careful on sidewalks to avoid them.
@Betta Fish Cooper Occasionally when my mom made me mad I would step on them, then feel very scared! 😭😂
@Anonymous Okay honestly, I was too afraid to say it, but I also did that a few times 😭🤝
SAME!
A totally random and intrusive thought that was shame and fear based
@bluerainbow Me too! I had so many intrusive thoughts that were mostly fear based throughout most of my childhood
@kmacncheese My 1st intrusive thought hit me at age, around about 13. I can remember it like it was yesterday.
I have a sense of panic when things change at all because I have everything set to where it's not going to hurt me I'm not going to get in a position where I don't know what to do but definitely things changing because I've been through a lot in my past with my mother selling my stuff and putting me as an adult in the family but that's a whole different story that I probably already told but yeah I cannot deal with change like I can't move from this area with the wealth because I don't know where else to go like a safety net I guess then I have to get out of so bad
@Anonymous ❤️
@Anonymous Hi! Can you explain what you mean that you can’t move from this area because of the wealth? Thank you so much! Also, may I ask what your mom sold of yours? I’m really sorry about that. It’s understandable that you would want some stability and feelings of control if you felt like your things were sold at your home. That’s totally understandable and I’m sorry about that. Was it things that she bought for you growing up, or things that you bought yourself? I’m just wondering if in her mind she didn’t mean to be hurtful and wasn’t viewing it as violating you, but that can still hurt if they were your things and she took them from you. I’m just trying to help if I can with those feelings. 🙏
Wanting things a certain impossible way
Rumination was the first sign I noticed but now that I've learned more about OCD I realize that there were other signs much earlier.
When I was a child, I was afraid of throwing up so I carried Pepto Bismol with me everywhere
@Anonymous I was also TERRIFIED of throw up, but I would just avoid anything that could make you throw up
I still carry around antivert, an antiemetic, Gelusil tablets, Mylanta, and ginger chews just in case I get the remotest flutter of nausea.. oh and hearing or seeing someone else get sick, I run out of there and have to stop my mind replaying it over and over until I'm sick too.
Tics!
I remember having a song with cuss words stuck in my head to the point of distress I couldn't think of anything else. I was in 1st grade
when i was a kid both parts of my body had to feel “equal”. so if something touched my right hand it had to feel the same on my left hand
irritability, and doing things I dont want to do out of urges so they don't return and that behavior was repetitive and out of reassurance seeking
Needing to do something repeatly because I was scared a thought I was thinking might come true if I didn’t do that compulsion and a sense of strong urgency
Hand washing or my family would die. And health in general.
THIS!
I was 9 yrs old. Washing my hands raw. Checking, oh dear lord the checking, no, that towel isnt just right, or the closet door, or the front door etc. Touching things a certain amount of times; i specifically remember my dresser. Walking home and I had to make sure I stepped only so many steps in each square and not step on the Crack. Homework was hell; it was never perfect enough, my numbers..ugg.
Not asking for reassurance. Answering the question is what I did.
Hand washing. My parents would joke that I was like Howard Hughes. I didn't understand it then but it hurts now knowing they knew I was exhibiting signs of OCD and did nothing about it.
shame, constantly analyzing my every move to make sure I didn’t embarrass myself or my family
Freaking out when my shoes weren’t tied equally tight at around 5 :( When i learned how to tie my shoes i would tie them and retie them over and over
If I didn't pray for someone in my family or friend group or first responders I would think that it was my fault if they got hurt or died.
THIS!
Fearing that my hair straighter wasn’t unplugged or that I left the oven/ stove on. I was scared to burn down the house and lose my dog.
@Salt and Light Same!
Yup. Been there.
my earliest intrusive thoughts started when i was a kid. i remember being around 10 standing near a candle and my brain screaming at me to stick my hand in it.
I wasn't able to let things go. I was stuck on the same subject. It really bothered me and then I would get really worried on what to do if the topic came up, what would I say, how would it sound, would I be judged. I was not able to drop it and let it go. When I did, it was like my mind had me digging to find other reasons that I needed to be on the same subject again. I went through so many different emotions and made me really anxious if I didn't have a plan for every hypothetical scenario.
This is so relatable.
I went through this as well, and thought it was normal until just a few months ago
Being afraid that I was having inappropriate thoughts and having to tell my mom anytime I had those thoughts so I could “clear my conscience”.
When I was about 5 I remember flammable items like wood, paper, wires etc could not touch otherwise a fire would start. Around 7yrs old I would touch doorways 9 times in sets of 3 as I entered them. I would also count in the same way while riding in the car. I was concicned If I didn't reach 9 before whatever I was looking at passed, someone I cared about would die.
@Chronically Cyrus Hi! Did someone make you afraid of a lot of things when you were young? Thanks!
This is SO relatable.
Compulsive praying
Ugh yes! THIS.
Same!!
when I was in kindergarten I remember feeling intense shame and guilt over things I thought I did wrong and the only thing that would make me feel better was confessing them to my mom. then when I was in first grade, after a kid threw up on the bus on my way home, I developed intense emetophobia and would have panic attacks refusing to get on the bus or go to school because I was convinced I would throw up
Reassurance seeking….constantly
Trust me...I get it.
Gotta touch the bottom of the pool or my family is disappointed in me
When I was a kid, I would whisper things I'd just said or heard, over and over again until it felt right. I would get teased sometimes at school for it and learned to do it in my head 😕
Major shame and panic that I’d had a sexual thought. It affected me all day and I confessed to my parents that night. That whole summer was full of me trying to avoid those thoughts. I was 10 or 11.
@WestWingNerd I TOTALLY relate. One time I stayed home from school because of this
i would hide under tables at 4-5 bc i believed i was going to get shot in public. i couldn’t go into banks or restaurants, malls or jewelry stores, without having a complete meltdown. around the same time i made my dad check my pulse nightly to make sure i wasn’t having a heart attack. i didn’t realize what that was until my adult years!
I used to worry about leaving my front door open and if I did my dog would run out into the road and god knows what would happen
My earliest OCD memory was when I was about 7-8 and it was harm related. It was an intrusive thought that still haunts me today at 23. But I suspect that I was having symptoms before that happened I just don’t know for myself. My second ocd memory is me getting fully dressed and packed for an emergency and would go to sleep fully clothed along with shoes on incase of an emergency so I didn’t have to worry about myself and could save my family. I was probably 9. Didn’t realize this was all OCD until about 6 months ago, knew my brain was messed up but I didn’t know what it was.
Oddly enough the damm taboo intrusive thoughts. I freaked out so bad I acted like a kid again calling my mom down I was that scared. Funny how I used be scared of something coming to me at night but now it's just myself 😭
Constant intrusive thoughts as long as I can remember
Rumination and the need to be sure about certain things over and over again
Undoing thoughts and washing hands
Probably the way I daydreamed, as a little kid (like 8 years old), I would daydream a lot, but in my daydreams I would have to get super specific on every single detail before I could advance the storyline of the dream (like if I dreamed I was a teenager, I remember having to decide exactly what my room looked like, what ever item on my shelf looked like, in excruciating detail, before I felt like I could move the plot forward in any way. It felt very compulsive).
This reminds me of how I journaled every detail of an event or interaction with people in middle school, especially a crush
@lisas5 Omg I used to do the same, it got so compulsive that it affected my A level studies because I had to finish writing before I could do anything else or I was scared I'd forget them
trichotillomania developing in 1st grade
When I was a teenager, I started feeling compelled to put my belongings exactly where they were "supposed to be" in order to keep my life from becoming too chaotic.
Somehow I could never seem to remember if I closed the door or not. Constantly checking because I was afraid someone would break into our house. I’ve been having OCD symptoms for way longer than I originally thought.
You are not alone.
maybe somatic OCD 🤔 I would make a strange pig grunt to tickle the back of my throat until it “felt right”. 🤣🐷 My friends all asked why I kept doing it and I realized it was strange.
When I was a kid, I had a major fear of bridges and heights because I was certain we get in a car crash and fall off the side
I couldn’t stop spinning my lock at my high school locker to make sure it was locked. Sometimes I’d almost miss the bus, and my neighbors definitely gave me some looks. Luckily, things have gotten much better with OCD (and life!) since then.
Seeing signs or omens. Good and bad numbers. I’m over the second one. I sometimes struggle with the first one when I’m not doing well.
Breaking up with someone I loved a lot because I had an intrusive thought that our relationship didn’t feel right
obsession with things being even or counting things. and the phrase “step on a crack break your mothers back” was disastrous to my psyche lol
And its terrible because we're so naive at that age, lile with the emails "forward this email or you'll have bad luck for the next 7 years"
I was avoiding ALL the cracks lol.
Not stepping on cracks on the side walk when in elementary school. Thinking something bad would happen if I did
Been there.
My earliest memory of it was in elementary school when I wouldn’t let anyone but my mother sit on my bed cause I felt they were going to contaminate it. I would physically fight my brother if and when he tried to.
At 7 or 8 playing a game and thinking if I died in the game then my family would also die or something bad was going to happen
As a kid, fear I left the gate unlocked so the dog would get out. And thinking I was going to die from tetanus whenever I cut myself. Remember praying that I would be OK. Took me a long time to trace back my history but now it all makes sense now.
It took me a long time as well and actually seeing this thread of early history makes me feel less alone and a little more normal ironically
@Maroons1982 I can relate to the gate! I pet sit as a young adult and it should have been a clear sign. I was always afraid I left the door open even though I had checked repeatedly. “But what if I didn’t and their dog runs away?!” I’d open the door back up just to ensure the dog was still inside. I knew I was acting bonkers, but it felt out of my control.
@Maroons1982 wow I forgot the tetanus thing! Any minor scrape and I would be very wary of fences/metal. I also spent so much time praying at night that I wouldn’t become a smoker 😂 thanks anti-drug PSAs that used scare tactics
The way I relate to literally ALL of these. lol
Thinking I was going to die from an unknown medical issue, it would cause panic attacks.
@BubblyHonk I just got diagnosed two days ago at 30 💔
@BubblyHonk This is me now!!
in kindergarten the line on my socks had to be perfectly straight
In elementary school, I experienced extreme guilt. For example, if a kid got hurt on the playground, I felt that it was my fault or that I didn’t prevent it. It has evolved over the years. Currently it’s extreme reassurance seeking
You've got this. Remember, you are not alone.
Reading signs while sitting in the back seat of a car and feeling super anxious if I didnt finish reading the whole thing. I was like 9 or 10 years old.
OMG! THIS!
Omg, I forgot I used to do this!!! Memory unlocked 🔓
Having a breakdown over believing I had a bad, evil finger, and was going to hell, after learning about the middle finger from a kid in Sunday school. Believing I was evil and going to hell after stealing a kids eraser in 1st grade, even after returning it.
Apeirophobia—the fear of eternity. Not sure if that was 100% OCD, but I struggled with it when I was 6 I think. It’s sad to think that I struggled so young like this 🥲
I was around 8 (26 now) when I was first remember really struggling, but erasing and rewriting my homework answers with my dad a hundred times over until there were holes in the paper.
I now understand what I had was OCD, I used to get intrusive images about religion. I was in a very religious catholic school, and would think the devil would put forbidden images in my head. I even told my mom about it, i might have been 11 or 12. Looking back I wish I would have been diagnosed, luckily i never had more issues until the age of 23 my OCD came back stronger than ever and dominates my life
Thank you for taking the time to share some of your story with us. You are not alone. Sending so much love and support your way!
Thoughts that I was thinking or doing something inappropriate
I would ask for reassurance from my dad every minute about germs and contamination!
Same.
"Good" and "bad" colors
Red and orange 🙅🏻♀️ But blue and green though .... 😌✨️
I remember starting when three I would touch my face whenever I got overstimulated and whispered my intrusive thoughts to myself. The shame of people seeing that in public also set in very quickly.
At around 11 or 12 I noticed that I would always be worried that someone was going to grab me or kidnap me so, I would never go anywhere by myself and even when I'd go outside to play and my friends would want to wander off and explore, I'd decline and be bullied for it. It lead to me overthinking about that so much I begin hair pulling and skin picking. I'm 34 now and I've been doing that my whole life.
Omg I remember being around 9-10 years old and thinking I was going to have “good” or “bad” days depending on absolutely nothing but a random system I had made up for myself 😫 And I was even younger (5-6) when I was convinced whenever there was any slight alteration to the flavor of a food or drink then it was automatically poisonous and I was convinced going to die
@Lechi O. Same! Had to wear the “right” underwear or use the right towel.
i’d spin in circles, then get scared i wasn’t facing “forward” anymore and it would cause me to count my spins to spin in the opposite direction to “correct” it until that wasn’t enough and i’d never feel “forward” again 💀
@lalaoopsy Omg I used to do this too!
@Mercury75 no way, i thought i was the only one 😭😭
I didn’t know it at the time, but through therapy here I have realized I have been undiagnosed for a long time. I remember I used to NEED to count any street signs I passed when I was in a car. These days, it’s body scanning/checking and googling. It’s tough out here lol but that’s why we are here
The first time I had a OCD symptom was probably when I was about 9 years old. I had intense emeotophobia, and had to cover my ears when I heard someone getting sick, and I would start hysterically crying also. I would also hide sharp objects in my room in specific places out of sight, or else someone would break into my house and harm me with the objects.
Constantly checking for leaving the stove in after my neighbors house burned down.
Sleep ocd as a child
Intrusive thoughts at a very early age.
when i was young i was like 5 and started becoming hyper aware of my tongue, breathing, and blinking, and also emetophobia. and i was afraid of the lights inside stores reflecting on the ground because my mom told me not to run because i could fall cuz its slippery and i remember i would walk in between the spaces of light that wasn’t reflecting on the floor. lol
I relate to the floor thing, linoleum tiles with alternating patterns were tortorous sometimes
@lisas5 yess omg
I often felt out of place
Giving the exact same attention to all my stuffed animals. If one had more attention, I had to do all my rituals one more time
@bebrave❤️ I can relate I remember having to have my teddy bear lay on his back or something bad would happen
Having to count the squares at the grocery store and jump on them a certain way and if I missed something bad would happen
Vomiting in the morning as a teen because if I didn’t something bad with happen
Repeating "good words" (healthy, sane, good, ...) in my head everytime I touched something or someone because otherwise I was terrified that something bad was going to happen to them. I must have been seven-ish years old.
When I was a kid, when riding in my mom's van, if the time and the temperature had correlating numbers, (ex: 7:00 and 70 degrees) I had to announce it to everyone in the van. This included anytime the time or temperature changed.
Intrusive Blaspheming during prayer.
I was always afraid of laughing at inappropriate times (funerals, pledge of allegience, moment of silence) and sometimes had intrusive thoughts that sometimes were funny and didnt help
I remember shame around intrusive thoughts and rumination at a young age, back then I used more superstition but now I use more reassurance, I guess superstition was a form of reassurance
I remember obsessing over scary movies thinking they could actually happen and friends laughing thinking I was so gullible for obsessing over them
I did this too.
Crumpling up full pages of notes if I made one small mistake and starting over. Spending 30min-1hr rearranging the same set of items, moving them millimeters until they felt balanced.
when I fell into a mud puddle when I was about 4 and my dad noticed that I instinctively put my right hand into the mud (for symmetry) when only my left hand got dirty!
When I was probably around 6-8, when I played outside I would have to step on the cracks in the sidewalk in a certain order or it wouldn't feel right and I'd go back to the start of the sidewalk and start over. I would do that over and over until I found the best way to walk down the sidewalk.
@Anonymous This was me for a while—I expanded it to “any crack, anywhere”, even gaps in supermarket tile, etc. It quickly became completely exhausting and unsustainable after a month or so for me
When my psychiatrist first brought up an OCD diagnosis when I was 21 I was completely shocked. It never crossed my mind. Now, remembering being seven and refusing to walk over manhole covers because of my obsessive fear of them, I find that laughable.
@Luluthia !! wow I forgot I was terrified of this too. So many movies/cartoons showing someone falling in those!
Intrusive thoughts started for me when I was four, but not intensely enough to be noticed or investigated. OCD didn’t fully manifest in my life until I moved into an apartment by myself after college and realized I had my own utilities, which obviously became my responsibility. However, the realization that there was a list of things that could go wrong if I didn’t *check* everything “correctly” - that was the trigger. Throw in a bit of not trusting myself to perform those responsibilities correctly into the mix, and boom: I developed compulsions within the first week of living there. Side note: the caption for this post is on point, because it wasn’t until my intrusive thoughts became clear, loud, and rapid that I hit my precipice and got serious about therapy.
Being concerned about the rim.of my pants having germs from the bathroom and not wanting to touch it without washing my hands (or not pulling my pants up after going to the bathroom until after washing my hands).
Prayer for everyone and everything!
Too young to realise it was a symptom, but I would tell my family not to say a certain word or it would lead to bad things.
Earliest I remember was around 11 or 12 and fearing wearing certain clothes because I felt like something bad was going to happen if I did
Laying in bed as a kid thinking that if I moved at all aliens would kidnap me. I would try my best not to breath too hard because if I did I thought they would see it
Not being able to step on cracks. I was at college and I could barely get to my classes.
Ruminating (but it was just called anxiety/just stop thinking about it)
I don’t remember it, but my parents tell me that when I was little I would ask for reassurance about EVERYTHING. I was constantly going up to my mom with a look on my face that she describes as pinched and saying “is it normal to do this?” or “is this ok?” One thing I do remember from being about 4 years old was ruminating all day on whether or not it was my friend’s birthday. I made him a card but I was so scared that it wasn’t actually his birthday that I ran away when my dad told me to give the card to him. I hid in the curtains in our house and cried :(
I believe mine started at 3 when I began training in classical ballet.. the perfectionism I strove for for 20 years, I thought, was just a requirement to be the most beautiful and most technically perfect dancer on any stage but now I'm wondering if my "passion" for my craft wasn't more a compulsion. Training my body to the extreme, but never an eating disorder (fear of vomiting saved me from bulimia!) New to my OCD journey, we shall see more as we learn!
I remember lying to my mom about something very inconsequential but feeling tortured and so dishonest and coming back later like, "mom... I lied 😔😔😔" she was like um......okay??? 😂
I was about 7, and terrified I was going to be responsible for my parents getting hurt. It was horrifying and it took me years to know how to deal with it.
Checking if the stove was off multiple times a night with fear of house burning down, checking if the front door was locked multiple times a night
I am recently diagnosed (37 year old male) but have discovered I’ve had it as long as I can remember. I have vivid memories of me as a child “scooping sharks and whales” out of our pool 10 times to make sure there was nothing under the water that could hurt me or surprise me.
Whenever I touched something accidentally i had to touch it with my other hand/foot.
I had this exact same thing at 5-6 years old! My mom noticed, and I denied it because I was scared she would think it was weird and get worried. I had scarlet fever around the same time, and I've read that can increase OCD so I've always wondered if that was related. It went away after a while because I got too busy and was like I'm not doing that. Then I just moved to other ruminations/compulsions.
What I remember being the first symptom even when I was young was over-responsibility for others behavior — it felt 1:1. If I wasn’t managing others emotions or preventing any possible harmful outcome, I felt like I caused it because I could’ve said or done something differently that may have prevented it.
I didn’t know it was OCD at the time, but the first thing I remember was constant reassurance seeking, it’s a long story, but I remember my therapist (I was in 9th grade) asked me why I felt the need to keep asking this particular person for answers.
I have this too. I've sent too many apology texts after feeling like maybe I offended someone.
At 12 I thought there were hidden cameras in my room
@WildRogue I’ve had that feeling too my whole life.
One day I just remember needing to have everything in order and counting everything 5x times over. Also didn’t think it at the time but tucking in my stuffed animals to make sure they weren’t cold or something i thought of them like a real human and something bad would happen if i didn’t
When I was about 8 years old, I felt like my breathing could do something, like something had given me a job, but I didn't know if what I was doing was good or bad, so I couldn't quit. Until I found out it was ocd
When I would pray for a pregnant person I knew, I then felt the urge to pray for all the pregnant people I knew because I thought something bad would happen if I didn't. It was exhausting :(
Organizing my toys nonstop instead of actually playing with them
When I was 4, I started questioning if something like a monster (turned into demons) was watching me so I would have to avoid certain areas or being alone.
I've had touch based symmetry issues as long as I can remember. I used to tell my friends in elementary school that they couldn't hug me unless they hugged both sides in the exact same spot with the same amount of pressure
Having bad luck if I didn’t put something back right
Having to pull on a door a certain number of times after locking it until it felt right. Also intrusive thoughts about different things.
Panic, heavy distraction/avoidance and over researching.
Rumination and the CONSTANT need for reassurance. Especially when intrusive thoughts would randomly come
This. As a child, this was BIG.
Health related obsessions
When I started avoiding things because I believed it prevented bad things from happening
my extreme fear of sickness, and my excessive cleaning of my room if i had been/someone i knew was sick.
Relatable.
One of the first I can remember is worrying I’d have heart problems or appendicitis.
I feel this, I remember thinking in the shower as a teen about how i probably have cancer, how I will look when im 25 and if I will die by then (i didnt 😅)
@lisas5 I’m 34 and I still do this. I’m actually doing it right now 😂
Feeling gross and like a predator as early as the age of 13, and having unwanted thoughs about family members.
Perfectly arranging my shoes in my closet.
An intrusive thought regarding religious shame. I believe I was 5!
I use to check light switches and doors constantly to make sure they were off or the doors were closed. I did this until six months ago where it finally unmasked itself and now I know I have OCD.
Sending SO much love and support your way!
I washed my hands too much all my life but after I was under a lot of stress at work for an extended time my OCD returned hard
Sending so much love and support your way!
Trying to combat bad thoughts with “good thoughts” or thinking that if I thought about something bad, it could accidentally happen
I was obsessed with doing everything in multiples of four and always rewinding my VCRs. Not just to be polite but because everything I did also needed to be undone perfectly. I would walk backwards to the fridge for water so when I walked back to my seat I would have the exact same path facing the same direction.
Mine started with numbers I had to blink a certain number if not I would get anxiety or something would go wrong
cracks. if I stepped on them I would get magically transported to an "evil universe" where everything was the same but "bad"... to get back to the good universe I had to step on a crack with my other foot and "balance the feeling out" ... I was maybe 7 or 8
When I was little (like in Kindergarten I think) I use to do a thing were I touched the bottom of my shoe and then touch inside my mouth or the other way around (something like that.) I'm guessing I kept doing it over and over. My parents told me that I use to do that. I only remember a tiny bit of it. My parents told me that someone who was in a higher grade then I was asked my mom "Isn't that the girl who licks her shoe?" That is the first symptom of OCD that I can remember and I don't remember a lot of it. I remember it because my parents told me when we talked to therapist and other people about my OCD and anxiety.
Intrusive thoughts
Checking if my contact lens case was closed over and over and over again while I was trying to sleep
Now that I’m more aware of my OCD, I remember when I was young going to church. I definitely had religious ocd at the time and had no idea until now - age 30
My bed as a kid was against a wall. I would repeatedly check to make sure the blanket wasn’t pressing against the outlet in the wall so I didn’t start a fire. Another strange one. I was terrified of getting pregnant as a teen even though I knew full well that nothing I had done could possibly cause pregnancy. Like, never ever.
Recall being in a school assembly in 7th grade around suicide awareness. It was really the first time anyone had ever discussed it with me. They brought up examples of people that I could relate to and - boom - that’s all I could think about. What IF - what IF - what IF. The obsessive - what if - scenario for me has been the same story different narrative ever since - most recently surrounding my health. A difficult part is this original rumination pops in every so often, combined with the others. Trust that I am ok and so are you!
Fear... medical fear specifically that made me do compulsions to the point where I made myself throw up at 7 years old 🥲
I would always avoid anything that would make me or someone else throw up
Needing to pray for every person I knew and cared about because if I didn’t, something would happen to them
I was in middle school and would constantly look up urban legends even though they scared me. I really wanted to stop but I felt like I couldn’t as I needed to know what would come up/what each one was about or I would feel really uncomfortable. I didn’t understand why I felt like I couldn’t stop and it made me sad, confused, and irritated. It wasn’t until a year later in high school that I finally figured out what it was.
I had a really horrible intrusive thought while going to the bathroom about two years ago and I just couldn’t stop thinking about it and my OCD hasn’t gone away since
Having to do mental ritual to “reset” after getting triggered by things and standing on a rock or something that I didn’t realize was a memorial for some people until after so I spent the rest of that day researching and stuff because I was paranoid
Every now and then before it progressed due to so much trauma. Having do things in 3's.
Writing, erasing, then rewriting words on my class work and homework at school to make sure my handwriting was just right
As a young child when I went to bed I had to switch my light on and off 3 times or something bad would happen to my mum and dad.
I kept thinking about what I had done wrong and started ruminating for months.
I still think about the wrong things I did 20+ years ago. I had to tell myself, is this even helpful? But it's hard. It just pops in my head here and there.
Mine was a panic attack, I just remember thinking why can’t I stop thinking about this - felt like I was dissociating from reality.
I had non-stop anxiety attacks over something I did wrong. Rumination. Didn't sleep for 11 days (maybe dozed off here or there, but no sleep beyond 20 min). It was horrific. I think the lack of sleep definitely makes the dissociation worse and worse.
Ugh was full of sexual thoughts and wondering if I was now irredeemable because of them 😑 checking whether I liked the thoughts also occurred…so I would purposefully think something, feel bad for thinking it, then feel bad if I liked the feeling. What a tough cycle for a kid!
If I touched something when one hand (as early as 5), I had to touch it with another. That's way behind me now, but I still have the urge to kneel for God and have trouble knowing if it is a compulsion or if God wants that. I think it's just a compulsion for relief.
Ticks when I was a kid.Tourette’s biting tounge, head jerking, saying I love you twice , light switches on and off
This wasn't my first OCD experience, but this was when I realized that it could be a mental issue. I didn't want to watch the exorcist, and my friends put it on. There was disturbing content. My mind would torture me with that scene, and I would pray for it to go away because I didn't want it. It was freeing when I saw a video that said you don't want these thoughts; these thoughts aren't you. People who do destructive things enjoy destructive thoughts.
I have memories of needing to go back the same way I came. Meaning: if I walked left around my bed, when I came back, I had to follow that same path in reverse, or I would end up in a different dimension, or time, or whatever. It would change the course of my life. I've always known that it wouldn't, and that it was ridiculous, but it was hard not to keep following that, even to this day (though I'm more capable of ignoring now).
Extreme shame,embarrassment,fear, hiding from shame and not fitting in
It was my fault if it rained for goodness sake. And the shame was overwhelming. Everything had to be just right in order to have a good day. This is all in hindsight. Wish I had known 40 years ago.
i’d roll my eyes a lot because if i didn’t i thought something bad would happen, i was in elementary school
Repetitive words
The fear of authority, and the fear of being perceived. Since I was bullied so intensely in grade school I would literally get off the school bus laughing like it was fine and run inside scared that I would pee myself. Because I wet the bed "too late" for a kid and it was constantly scrutinized. I was scared to go to school or miss the school bus. It was always controversial. Like the rationale vs the intrusive thoughts.
Literally could not eat colored candy out of rainbow order. My mom thought it was the craziest thing.
Constant overthinking and thoughts that I did something I know I didn’t do but still felt like I did
Praying for hours and hours and having to list every single person I knew in fear that if I didn’t something bad would happen to them.
Compulsive praying and everything having to be just right.
replaying situations in my head until they were all distorted and asking people around me if how i acted was ok
Being confused how people went to the restroom then made it to their next class in 10 minutes
I would be convinced that something bad would happen if I moved, which would make me freeze in place for long periods of time 😅
I can’t remember the first one singular thing, over the years it became apparent I was highly concentrated on certain life events that were making me anxious. As life went on anxiety became incredibly high and I was hyper focused on things, good or bad; either one developed into obsessive thinking - Pure O. Horrible to live with. But I’m managing and that’s all I can do.
Thinking someone was watching me through any windows, computer, phone, mirror, in bathrooms
Yes, I struggle with this one also...phone, smart TV, and computers...I walked around for 1.5 years with a sticky note covering my phone camera with an elastic band to hold it on
Ruminating. Seeking reassurance. Checking. So much checking
My father had a gun rack in our hall upstairs. I couldn’t pass by it without ritualizing or something bad might happen.
I remember as a kid we would say prayer together as a family every night and I was always afraid that I would blurt out some obscene thing in the middle of it. Also intrusive thoughts regarding fire. A lot of wondering what it would be like to hurt people and then getting angry at myself for having those thoughts.
Horrible thoughts about my parents. I was about 10 and it was summer, I couldn’t sleep and I just had these dreadful thoughts about them. I think I’d lost both my grandfathers in the space of 6 months as well.
Being overly worried about loved one’s safety and thinking I could control said safety!
throwing away a notes page because my writing wasn’t perfect (didn’t know then it was ocd) then avoidance slowly taking over
Also avoiding things but panic attacks came first thought I was going crazy or going to die
I was maybe 5 and became scared to have my hair washed
Feeling like a terrible friend for sending a Tik Tok to one person but not the other “oh so you hate so and so now” or “so you like this person more than the other”. So then I compulsively sent Tik Toks to all my friends so no one would feel unloved 😀
Switching the lights off and on when I was a kid. And taking a couple baths at a time. I was afraid more people would die in my family if I didn’t do these things. I ended up in an adult psych ward at the local hospital for a week. This all happened after my mom died when I was 12
can someone tell me if doing ERP cause such bad anxiety
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When I was 3 in kindergarten I was so anxious about anything that was mine so when something happened to my toy I was standing there the whole day without moving, holding it in my hand and repeating the same thing in my head over and over until my parents came. Also tics hah
It reminds me I gave my friend my fave doll to borrow and I cried because I thought something bad would happen to it, and also same with being able to trade pokemon cards 😅
@lisas5 Yess i never understood how people traded pokemons. Like wdym, it’s yours, your parents bought it🤣
@ve141 I have one stuffy that is named piggy, and on bring your stuffy to school day I never brought piggy because I thought she would get lost
I remember that as a child I would count my shoes at the end of the day, too many times.
I remember obsessing over whether or not I was possessed when I was 9 or 10. I kept arguing with my thoughts to try to change them
My obsession leeches after watching the moving stand by me and what I could do to avoid them. (I had never encountered a leech in my life). I could no longer swim in any body of water for years. Avoided enjoying so many fun trips.
Probably when I was very young, an intense fear that I was going to be sexually abused by a specific celebrity (that I had never met or ever would be in contact with). So crazy to think back on it and see clearly what was happening.
I was probably 7, and I learned about a disorder (that I didn’t know was a disorder at the time), and I was so scared I was going to get it, and I think I was ruminating for about a month on it until it went away on its own
As a young child and even into my early adulthood I would HAVE to pray for each and every person in my life and in my OCD mind if I didn’t- something bad would happen to them. I’ve also got panic attacks for as long as I can remember! I used to always call my mom to pick me up from sleepovers because I would have panic attacks and feel like throwing up 😅.
Rumination and counting steps.
Age 10 - avoiding cracks in the side walk . By 12 missing class because I was washing my hands so much in the bathroom they were completely raw
I struggled with confessing and if I couldn’t get something just right I would have a meltdown and cry
Asking my parents to cut up my pancakes into squares before I could eat them. I was around 5 years old.
Perfectionism showed up very early for me. When I was a child if I had to vacuum the house I would get my parent upset as I went under every piece of furniture and around the baseboards with a crevice tool. I had to cover every inch of that carpet or it wasn’t good enough.
Consistently blaming and ruminating on thoughts blaming myself for SA
My parents told Me I started Trich when I was 2 years old. But I actually remember having skin picking and nail biting as my earliest symptoms. Then trich returned when I was 9 (3rd grade).
Walking up snd down my house 11 times or Mom Wouldn’t come home . I was 11 years old
At about 4-5 years old, I obsessively documented every health concern about myself and then asked my dad about them when he got home from work (he’s a doctor).
Tics and skin picking. I remember a “shocking” intrusive thought at 12 or 13 that stands out. I told my mom it and thankfully she didn’t act shocked.
I remember when I was 5, I used to not want to ride the bus to school because it scared me, but also because I was terrified of fire drills. Each day I would ask my mom, “There’s not going to be a fire drill right?” My mom would reassure me there wouldn’t. And I would go in and out the bus door a lot to the point that I sometimes stalled the bus. Of course, one day, there was a fire drill, and so that was that…
Apparently, I also threw a meltdown when I was very young after my grandma bought the copycat Fudge Stripe cookies but they didn’t have a hole…
When I was real little I use to wash my hands a lot but I don’t have contamination OCD anymore.
Maybe when I was 9… I had terrible nightmares and I insisted that my mom pray with me right before I went to sleep to keep the nightmares away for that night.
as a child - burning myself, counting, numbers, obsessively checking things, fake scenarios leading to strange behaviours, obsessively moving things around for no reason, sleep disturbances due to checking and obsessions , so on 🥲
Trichotillomania I suppose, didn't know what it was tho and just thought I was weird
I would spend hours lining up my toys in perfect rows. That and handwashing.
I remember when I was 6 years old. I touched one of my baby sister’s scabbed over mosquito bites and for the next month or so I spent hours every day checking myself to make sure that I didn’t have AIDS. My little brain was terrified that I was going to die. I don’t even know how I found out what AIDS even was at that age. At age 9 I had my first existential crisis about the passing of time, death, and losing my family, all because my dad made an innocent comment to me on my birthday: “You’re halfway to being an adult!!” I’m sure I had a series of loops between those two episodes that I can’t remember, but I suffered from this disease immensely even as a child. I’m 33 now and only just found out about a month ago that the panic disorder that I was initially diagnosed with was actually OCD this whole time. Such a cruel and misunderstood illness.
Doing things with numbers in my head, and being bothered by my thumbs and other fingers not being the same.
Hi
It’s a little hard to think as it’s been a while since I first noticed it getting annoying, but I guess repetition
When my grandmother cleared her throat and I tried to get her to stop
Light switches and blinking, around age 6
Can't sleep because a dish in the sink = my house isn't clean.
Being a little 5 year old kid and realizing that one day my parents could pass away. I ruminated on this and worried about it constantly after this realization.
Also, I had to stack the colored Tupperware cups in our cupboard with the darkest color (dark blue) on the bottom, in a rainbow from darkest to lightest (so yellow on the top)...I believed something really bad would happen if I didn't do this
Magical Thinking 🥲😫 I was so worried thinking of a loved one dying was going to make it happen so I had to do everything to stop thinking about it before I accidentally "murdered" everyone I love 🥺
Avoidance and rumination for sure
I remember thinking about my dad as I was going to bed, after watching the green mile and thinking “what if he gets arrested and what if he gets put on death row and the what if they forget to wet the sponge…” and I started crying
Ooh I think mine started to appear around 13 years of age, with researching heart attack symptoms, statistics, risks, etc.
Scrupulosity, centered around horror movies..
Health anxiety and reassurance on it. Also, contamination OCD. Later in life, moral /scrupulosity OCD and harm intrusive thoughts- those threw me because I never knew they are subtypes.
Avoiding situations where I wasn’t totally in control.
I had to have any stuffies or dolls facing up because I thought if they were facing down they wouldn’t be okay and I was a bad person for not helping them and I wouldn’t be okay.
I was postpartum with my first daughter, so about 15-16 years ago. I was at the beach and had a thought of us drowning. It shook me to my core. What if I stepped off this dock? From there it spiraled. I wanna say it took about 8 years before I was diagnosed with OCD. Went through so much. In hindsight, I realize I had it most of my life but as a kid I didn’t understand what these thoughts were.
Fear of hurting my love ones
10000% rumination and checking behaviours
Being really concerned about old wives tales and superstitions. “Step on a crack break your mamas back” I used to STRESS about the floors at school and felt relief when there was carpet because no cracks
Not being able to color a picture without opening my mouth. Then that progressed to while I was washing my hands and taking a shower or playing a video game/ drying my hair. It was so embarrassing. And also not letting anyone brush my hair down my part line. Both around 4/5 years old.
Somatic
I was very hypersensitive
Ruminating on past mistakes
@CayleeB Me too. Took me years to realize it was OCD
As a young child...handwashing and then having to think a certain thing/ tap something until it felt right.
Certain groups of numbers meaning different things in my brain
I did everything in threes
Undeniable need to confess something I did. When I was like 8 I remember I watched a movie that had a sex scene (fake) and didn’t tell my mom. After a week of not being able to sleep or eat and extreme anxiety I confessed
Extreme intrusive thoughts
I was scared of a movie theatre chair and had random creatures appear in my head before bed it was really scary
Being really scared of being chased away by some thing upstairs and not being able to go there
Wanting things to be perfect
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