I need help I am in a spiral

I am really struggling right now because a close friend of mine has not answered my multiple texts for almost a week now but I have seen her active on social media like TikTok. She viewed my Instagram stories but did not interact and she never viewed the comment I made on the one Instagram story she’s posted in the last week. I was really spiraling last night and called her but she did not answer though I saw she was active on TikTok a couple hours later. In my OCD mind the only conclusion I can come to is that she now hates me or is mad at me for something but given we spoke 3 weeks ago and don’t have many shared circles I couldn’t think of anything that could have happened that would make her cut me off so starkly. So again my OCD brain kicked in and decided the only thing that could have happened is that someone confessed to her in the past 3 weeks that I had sexually assaulted them or made them uncomfortable back when we played hockey together in high school (about 5 or 6 years ago). I have a very intense fear of ever having made someone feel uncomfortable as I am a survivor of sexual assault myself and this is a recurring theme in my OCD. I just can’t shake the feeling that something is very wrong and that it must be that I assaulted someone. These thoughts are pushing me to the point of insanity and I haven’t eaten or left the house in days. Any advice would be so helpful as I do not know what to do

CaspersKeeper

Date posted: 20h

Hey 👋 your ocd is causing you to doubt yourself here- and is making you question who you are as a person. When I have intrusive thoughts surrounding someone not responding to my text or replying to me- it helps me to include negative and positive reasons as to why. It also helps me to include reasons that I have zero control over (for this it would be- “they maybe don’t have the energy to reply to me” “they maybe are struggling with something and self isolating” “they maybe don’t like me”) My therapist told me to use maybe sentences for those. For the doubting- I would maybe recommend that you find a YouTube video or a specific NOCD video dealing with false memory or self doubt in ocd. Uncertainty is where my ocd tends to live primarily, but I don’t think embracing uncertainty ocd refraining would help you with that aspect. But yeah- reminder that you have zero control over what someone else does. With ocd we have to learn to let go of our need for certainty and be okay with not having control over these things. We don’t know why they aren’t texting you back. Sending you much love ❤️

CaspersKeeper

Date posted: 20h

@CaspersKeeper https://www.treatmyocd.com/blog/why-ocd-may-cause-you-to-distrust-yourself This article may help

An0nymouss122

Date posted: 20h

Hello! I understand this is very intense for you. A lot of these fears appear to stem directly from ocd. Ocd is the doubting disorder and itll do anything possible to convince you of things. Yes, there is a genuine possibility that you may have assaulted someone and that someone told your friend and now your friend hates you. But you don't know any of that for sure. You're counting on a sequence of events to play out in a very specific way. Since the potential assault happened already, long ago it seems. Theres no way to completely know for sure if you did something to someone. I understand the urge to spam your friend, try and get ahead of any accusations you may face but I want you to resist that urge. If you need to send one more text. Tell your friend that you have noticed that your friend appears distant *and* that no matter the reason you hope they are doing alright and can reach out at any time if they feel comfortable. Maybe even acknowledge that you have been spamming them and will back off until they are ready. From there do not interact with them until that person is ready. Spamming in my experience has only led to more strain on a friendship that may not even have been about you. Its just as possible they aren't feeling well mentally, maybe they got bad news and haven't recovered, etc. I don't say this to be like "u ruined it why did you spam them" but just to try and resist that compulsion in the future. For now though I want you to try and picture yourself as the only person right now. The room that you are in is the only room. Outside is void. You can ignore the space outside as long as you wish. Outside does not affect the present you are in right now. Sit with the idea that you may have done something to someone. But you can't know for sure. And whatever happens you will find a way to navigate it. If the worst people in the world have been able to navigate cancellation, false or credible accusations, you can too. Accept that you may have done something wrong, and will account for it when it's brought to your attention. I believe in you ❤️

CaspersKeeper

Date posted: 20h

@An0nymouss122 With a self-doubt ocd trigger involving false memories of harming others- I don’t think using “maybe I did, maybe I didn’t” is as beneficial here. Just like I wouldn’t think that would be helpful with p-ocd themes.

An0nymouss122

Date posted: 18h

@CaspersKeeper Thats fair, not everything works for everyone so it may not work for OP, I was just explaining based on my own experiences. Cuz with self doubt about morals and false memories its the only thing that actually has been working for me ^^;

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