anything helps pls respond

Had a huge breakdown because of my OCD. I have a lot of intrusive or weird thoughts about people, and my bf thinks I have a wandering eye and claims I should never think bad things about other people. It’s not his fault, but it’s extremely distressing. I keep having one on loop that I “let pass” but I feel like it’s me just wanting to think about it and the guilt is killing me. I keep imagining a guy I used to like years ago doing *things* with his girlfriend. I don’t know if I like the thought or not, but when it pops up sometimes I just let it pass and let myself think it so it goes away? But the first time it happened, I think I just wanted to think it? I don’t know… Now I’m freaking out imagining male coworkers, why I want attention from them or care…. when calling off from work I kept having the thought, I wonder if (coworker 1) will feel bad for me? Why am I thinking this?? I feel horrible.