Triggered by my thoughts and feelings.

I was absolute fine until I got in bed but before I got in bed, I was tired and ready to sleep. It was approximately 10pm when I laid down. My sleep was brief and now I'm up analyzing things that has already happened. I don't know if these are intrusive thoughts or are they a symptom of ptsd, anxiety or OCD! Either way, everyone time I receive these things i get extremely nervous and get the most unsettling feelings. I honestly don't feel safe in my home, especially with my mom & son living here with me. I feel the unsettling nausea and anxiety taking over while I'm typing this in the bathroom. I just want to get my life back together, so I can continue helping people and finally get back to work! I haven't been successful at finding a new job but that didn't stop me before and I dont plan to change that outcome. And yesterday morning I had 2 occasions of weakness and spent time on my phone looking at porn before I got out of bed Thursday morning. I even tried again after being up for a couple hours and stopped before I took it further. I'm genuinely trying and want to change parts about me. It's not easy to deal with all this stuff and make changes that I once relied on for comfort and relief. I'm trying to adapt to another way of coping with the stress and anxiety life keeps presenting into my life! I'm running out of rational thoughts to label certain intrusive thoughts and it's not working at the moment. I really keep having these thoughts that someone is trying to unalive me with poison or something to disguise my exit as a health issue or something like that. If I'm to be honest with myself, I remember everything said to me and around me. The feelings in my stomach are making this feel real uneasy and hard to ignore. I feel as if I'm being attacked and it was said to me 1 afternoon randomly that " Me & my grand babii was going to be grounded " now I don't know the context in which this was ment to be taken. But it definitely didn't feel like it came from a good place. God why does it feel like my life is under attack? God why would someone want to harm a 9 month old baby? God why does everything good in my life end up harming me in some way? God why is it the more I help people around me, the more problems present themselves? God whatever it is I've done to deserve this, I am sorry ×💯. And God why did you wait until I worked so hard to overcome my mental blocks just to send me back to where I started? The things these intrusive thoughts make me feel are absolutely insane but not impossible because you never know what someone will do for $. Yeah, so right now I genuinely feel as if my mom is causing me all this pain. She's the only person that's new in this situation, she moved in with me and not too long after that I became extremely sick! Stomach issues, severe anxiety, depression, mood swings just to name a few. God whatever this is I don't deserve it at all and I don't know why my mom would want to hurt me besides money! My intrusive thoughts tell me she's poisoned me for money and to claim false power of attorney over me to gain access to said money. Also that it's from an inheritance that I'm not aware of and is being hidden away from me for whatever reason, well I hope this finds the right person and sparks a thorough investigation into my life. In the mean time, God grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change, the courage to change the thing I can and the wisdom to know the difference! 🧎🏾‍♂️🙌🏾 Amen