Still getting ocd about listening to heavy music

i’m also a musician and i play a fair amount of heavy music; is your band environment stressful at all? i was in a band with someone for a few years, and he was incredibly mean-spirited/mad/dismissive, it made the act of not playing that music fun and i very much looked forward to practices getting cancelled, as you say. there’s no correct age to have gotten into this music - you are young, it sounds, and have been enjoying/playing this style for some years now, which does actually grant you some non-poser credit, if there were any. but the truth is, as long as you aren’t claiming to know more than you do, which you most definitely aren’t, you have full rights to listen to and be an active fan of this music. no one has authority over who does and doesn’t get to participate in this kind of music; the “poser” you’re scared of being isn’t even possible because you are self-aware and your motivations are driven by your pure enjoyment of the genres. i understand feeling a sort of imposter syndrome when it comes to engaging with this music, but truthfully the only difference between you and any other competent musician you like is time and opportunities. have fun writing and/or playing and listening to the music you want to, enjoying it however you like and being a liker of whichever artists you want to like, and your avid interest and legitimate interest will ensure that you are never even close to being in ‘poser’ territory. and trust me, i’ve met actual posers/larpers of this stuff, and i don’t even pass judgment directly to them because it’s clear it’s just taking them some time to find their proper identity. please feel no stress on being a great musician or someone who knows everything about the genre; your pure intention and drive will develop into a comfortable means of experiencing this music you enjoy, and you’ll be able to enjoy it again soon.

I am so sorry you’re going through this! I’m into heavy music as well, but to be specific I enjoy 90s Alternative Metal. When I first started getting into the scene three years ago, I had such a debilitating obsession over being a poser. I began to stop wearing my more “mainstream” band tees, and decided to pretend I didn’t even like the genre. Not only did I hide my genre, I felt like I couldn’t even listen to it without crying and thinking I was a poser. I had (and still sort of have) a bad obsession over if I were to grow out of the music how it would make me a number of bad things or just a fake. And I am so sorry that OCD has taken your motivation out of playing your instrument and being in a band. That’s so upsetting I have looked online everywhere to see if anyone else had this obsession, but could only find a few posts discussing it. It seems that a lot of other people with OCD who are into metal or heavy music in general have this same theme though. Personally what worked for me when it was really bad was trying to almost “embrace” my music taste. I had a horrible fear of telling someone that I was a “metalhead” so I started telling people I was a metalhead. It helped me significantly, and although people sometimes gave me negative feedback, it really did help. I know it definitely is hard, but I recommend taking it one day at a time. Starting to wear your band t-shirts and playing your guitar more and more. Feeling like an imposter is a very very common thing with OCD. I’m sure this is so hard for you. I hope you feel better and you are not alone. You are strong, and you are talented. I love your heavy taste.

You grow and evolve too. It’s ok to like something and grow out of listening to it daily and still want to support the bands/wear the merch. I can understand what you mean about anxiety with music, sometimes it might remind me of a specific time and I can’t listen anymore, sometimes I know the song too well and my ears need to rest. Either way you didn’t buy the shirts bc someone else was interested, it’s because you were at one point. And remember if you aren’t a poser, you don’t worry about being a poser or proving anything to anyone. Your music/art taste is unique just like you.