any support or opinions or anything written at all

when i was a few months post partum my down below area felt very sensitive. one day i was giving my baby a bottle i then began burping her with her on my lap. All of a sudden a really strong feeling occurred down there. it was so so strong and then intrusive thoughts came flooding in which had never happened to me before. i was so confused and terrified in the moment i didn’t understand what was happening to me. it was so strong that i had to put my baby down and then i touched down below to try and figure out what this feeling was or just get rid of it i could not just sit with this intense feeling. i then had an orgasm and was left feeling so confused and disgusted thinking i’m a monster. The next day i got my first period since before my pregnancy. so this then kind of explained why it was so sensetive down there if anything was pressing on my tummy or near me. and this then turned into intense ocd that i’ve been battling for 2 years now. i can’t get over this event it feels so morally wrong in my head even though none of it was my fault and all i did was get rid of the feeling. it disgusts me and has ruined my full entire mother hood and life. i so desperately want to enjoy my life again. has anyone had any similar events or any advice or opinions it would really help. i love my baby girl with my whole being i would never harm her i will protect her until my last breath she is my universe this is why this hurts so much because she’s my everything and i love her so much that it hurts