Real-event guilt and unsticking it

I've repented so much for my past mistakes. But practising ERP with this stuff feels impossible sometimes. How can I relax knowing there's so much evidence for my past actions? I've grown way past that stage now, I want to say... almost 15 years ago was when it happened and 7 years for some others? But the guilt and shame over it still sticks like super glue and I keep searching this stuff out. Finding more and more evidence to prove to myself that I was a "bad person." How do you relax in moments like these? What ERP techniques do you use?

lov3rgrl333

Date posted: 18h

hiii i am honestly so comforted to see this. not that i'm glad you're suffering, but that i am not alone. cancel culture going after very minor things has also fueled my anxiety severely, having me crying constantly and spending all my time trying to remember every bad thing i have said or done and searching for proof. i don't have a spectacular method to make these thoughts vanish, but one sentence i saw online has helped me a bit.. "so what if i'm a terrible person?" let's say i'm the worst person ever right now. okay.. i can still go shopping. i can still meet new people. i can still call my mom. i can still go get some good food. the world isn't going to explode just because suddenly i realized that i'm a "bad person." i'll just do better going forward. i hope this made sense and helped a bit. i hope we both get thru this!!!

Generiname

Date posted: 17h

Thank you so much. It's always reassuring to know that I'm not alone and that others with OCD are also struggling immensely under all of this pressure. It definitely hurts me a lot as I have a following on social media and even though the stuff I did is extremely old now and I've improved so much... it still affects me a lot. Even though at the time, I didn't see what I was doing as bad. I was just extremely misguided and was blissfully unaware of how bad some of the stuff was or how bad it would look in later years. I've been trying to repeat the mantra "live your life!" Over and over again, as it's true. I SHOULD be able to just live my life as normal. So many people who have done much worse stuff than me can live a perfectly happy life and I'm stuck here like... why can't that be me? I hope you're able to get the help and support you need aswell. I know how hellish this whole this can feel like

PraisingtheLord

Date posted: 20h

Reach out if you need to talk. I am dealing with the same exact feelings.

Generiname

Date posted: 20h

How do you handle stuff like this? Do you have any ERP techniques you use? I keep getting stuck at one point in my life when I was 19, and it haunts me. Like I've said so many times, I've grown since that point but I worry about people judging me for my past. Which is out of my control in the end, but still.

PraisingtheLord

Date posted: 20h

@Generiname I am still learning everyday and honestly I don’t even know what to do with this guilt. Sitting with the feelings and acknowledging them will help you get through overtime but it is not easy.

Generiname

Date posted: 20h

@PraisingtheLord Yeah... it's awful isn't it? The more you try to not think about it the more powerful it becomes. End of the day we've improved, haven't we? We've grown stronger. No matter what things happened in the past. But pushing past that guilt... it's something I wish someone had answers for.

PraisingtheLord

Date posted: 19h

@Generiname God has helped me a lot as well and just learning from your mistakes. Also give yourself grace because it is all of our first times living this life.

Generiname

Date posted: 19h

@PraisingtheLord I'm happy to hear you have something like that that can help you. I think my problem is other people's perception of me. The thought of it makes me skin crawl.

PraisingtheLord

Date posted: 19h

@Generiname I wish there was a place on here for private messaging but i don’t think they allow that but I know what you mean. It’s all very hard to deal with.

Generiname

Date posted: 19h

@PraisingtheLord It's probably for people's safety which is totally understandable, but it'd be nice if there were specific forums for each subtype. Like one for real-event etc etc. I know you can separate stuff via tags but something like that would be nice

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