It feels impossible to fight OCD

I’ve been on so many different medications, I can’t really even count. Right now I’m on 40mg of Prozac and for a few weeks it felt like it had been working, but recently it has been so much worse. Even the days I don’t have as much intrusive thoughts, I am haunted by the discomfort of feeling like something is wrong because my brain has felt like obsessing and worrying all the time is normal so I don’t know what to do without it. The school semester has ended for me, so I pretty much have nothing to do, I feel really lonely, and my social anxiety is too bad to even try texting a friend. It’s really hard keeping up with this all, it feels unsustainable, my existence is tied to this disorder and there is no escape. Even when I go to sleep, I have dreams that target my OCD fears, I can never escape. I don’t know how people live with this

Rowleyfan2001

Date posted: 18h

Hi there and sorry to hear about that. I know it’s easier said than done but be patient and kind to yourself. Have you talked to a medical professional about this? I can totally relate to what you’re going through, I went through multiple meds before I found one that didn’t put me in a deep depression or left me numb and anxious. Are your friends near to you? Do you ever hang out with them? I remember when I started college and I was diagnosed with OCD that the summer time was the worst cause I just worked part time and had plenty of downtime. For me, it was being around friends and loved ones, gaming (one of my hobbies) and getting professional help. It’s not a one size fits all but the least I can say is it’ll get better. I know it will for you so hang in there 😊

Anonymous

Date posted: 18h

@Rowleyfan2001 Thank you so much! It just feels really hard to be kind to myself because the OCD I have is like Moral / Real Event, so I always feel like this horrible person who is not worthy of really being seen as a human being. I currently have a psychiatrist and two therapists, I’m really trying. My friends are the one’s I’ve made in college, I’m just too afraid to text them because I feel like I’d only bother them. It’s just hard to find a way to break out of the loop of OCD

Rowleyfan2001

Date posted: 18h

@Anonymous Oh totally. Mine is Harm OCD so I always worry about current and future events so I tend to shutdown when I start ruminating like crazy. Again, easier said than done but you’re not a horrible person. OCD is the horrible “person” trying to make you think you’re different. You are absolutely not, that’s the OCD talking. Just like the OCD of mine thinking I’m a horrible person who will do horrible things. I’d reach out to those friends, you won’t bother them. Start with basic chatting and hangouts. Who knows? Maybe they’ll be close friends over time. Again, you just have to be patient with breaking the OCD cycle. I have OCD since around 2009 and I only just realized what I had around 2018-19 and started NOCD on and off since 2021-22. The fact you’re reaching out is showing you’re making great strides, celebrate those moments because you ARE actually making improvements and you don’t even know it. Keep up the solid work!

Anonymous

Date posted: 17h

@Rowleyfan2001 Thank you so much, that means so much to me. I hope you win the battle against your Harm OCD! It’s really important that people with OCD stick together and know that we’re not alone

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