Sometimes it just feels heavy again, and it’s ok

the biggest thing that holds me back, esp when I make any progress/start moving forward is the weight of the past. I think many times I’ve been faced with feeling like I have to figure this thing out so I can keep going. And I’d spend however much time thinking it through until I could come to some sort of conclusion that felt ok. Then it’d come back up and I had forgotten what conclusion I came to. I’m trying not to figure out things that come up, and to remain hopeful about the future. Really hard though. Sometimes the negatives feel a lot louder. I’ll feel completely delusional for believing what I hope for is attainable. Like everything I’ve ever done and the weight and reality of it all just really sets back in. And feels like the things I’m most scared of is the future I’m facing. And I think it’s also hard because I often feel so separate from everyone and like nobody actually knows me. So that’s another thing, is even though I do find a lot of comfort in knowing I’m not doing any of these things anymore and I’m a different person, I think I just feel worried I’ve just like permanently damaged my future. And have to choose to always be alone or something if that makes sense. Like too heavy to share with someone and too heavy not to, where I’d feel I’m taking advantage of them by withholding this information. I usually like to tell people on here like your past doesn’t have to be a bag of rocks you carry around. You can let it be there and feel the uncomfortable feelings, and learn to move forward. And the people that love you or people you’re friends with, whoever comes along whatever, they love or care for who you are now. I’m just kind of having a harder time with it lately and that’s ok I think. One day at a time :)👍

Anxious girl💐

Date posted: 16h

I struggle with my past horribly, the ages between 10-13. I feel like I have a “secret past” because only a few know about my mistakes and how bad it kills me. They remind me I was just a child, obviously would I do the things I did as a child today? Absolutely not. I have the fear that I damaged my future because of the stuff I’ve done in the past. Sending you love & peace because at the end of the day we’re all human and we make mistakes 💗

#happiness

Date posted: 15h

I struggle w this a lot. In the last 6 years I was misdiagnosed 2x and in the mental hospital 6 times. I was overmedicated and not myself. In those 6 years I gave birth to two kids and got divorced. I’m having an extremely hard time now that I’ve decreased my meds and woken up to the reality I’m in. I struggle w scrupulosity ocd and try to find comfort in my walk w god but it’s very hard. I feel like I don’t know how to function as a normal human anymore. I am currently living w my parents and taking it one day at a time. My goal is to be able to move out, work, and get joint custody of my children but it seems unattainable. I’ve been in real erp therapy for 10 months now and have slowly decreased my meds. I gave up my biggest compulsion of researching a couple weeks ago and have spiraled into a chaotic mess. Just thought I’d share my story w someone who seems to understand and care. We can do this. One day at a time.

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