Avoidant attachment

I’ve been noticing a pattern that I truly hate and feel so guilty for even to the point to where I believe I don’t deserve anything good. I’m off and on google,ChatGPT,TikTok and reddit. I don’t believe I’ll ever be loved and I don’t believe I deserve it but it’s so easy for me to believe that in someone else. I see couples and one day want a little family of my own but then I fear losing myself,depending on someone else and not having my space. I have even prayed for God to take away my desire to be in a relationship if it’s not meant for me. I feel like marriage and relationships are just a scam and that it’s a fantasy in my head. I feel horrible for times I’ve talked to guys and then change my mind that they’re not the one for me. I have prayed over every talking stage I’ve talked to and I’ve hurt 4 men because I didn’t see them being for me. I feel absolutely disgusted with myself. I overthink so much. I’ve had this guy I’ve been friends with since 2018 well him and my sister used to be together but he said they never dated. I notice I started to have feelings for him and it’s because I was drawn to his character. We haven’t talked in years because I didnt have his socials and my sister seen him again on a friends/dating app and I loved his jokes and spending time with both him and my sister.well they both had issues between them so I guess they just stopped talkings much with each other. He snuck my number in his phone (he was helping me with my Credit Karma and seen my number) he texted me but I felt guilt because him and my sis had talked. Fast forward to this year a few weeks ago we would talk more (I still felt guilt and that it wasn’t right because he use to talk to my sister) I told him many of times how I felt but last week we both had s*x and before this he made the comment “how would your sister feel if me and you dated” and I said probably hurt. I felt like I liked him and even thought what if me and him got together one day in the future. Well yesterday I told him I didn’t want to do what we did anymore (we had it once). I told him it felt wrong. I believe in not talking to someone your family once talked to. I feel like I hurt him and he was telling me I’m an avoidant and that I will never change. There’s more to what he said but I think it’s best to stay away from people for good and for the rest of my life. I sincerely apologized and I messed up what I thought was a great friendship

Anonymous

Date posted: Yesterday

The whole subplot of friends is proximity. We are just going to end up dating people in our circle. It happens. Don't rule out people because of how they might be perceived with you. Life is messy.

Tea and Honey

Date posted: Yesterday

I'm sorry that he hurt you by calling you an avoidant. Also, people can heal and change, and it's not fair for him to say that you will never change. I'm sorry these words hurt. But please don't accept them just beside he said them. I don't think it's wrong to date someone your sister used to date! That's okay! Also, your friend should respect that fact that you want to be in a relationship without s*x. But it sounds like he was not ultimately kind to you. So maybe it's good that you broke up? I think the bigger picture is to just work on the OCD. This will bring you the most relief. The relationships in your life will get much easier once you can identify how the OCD comes into play. Relationship OCD is always making people get out of relationships because the OCD says the other person isn't perfect enough. This is very common. People with this type of OCD usually go through million relationships before they realize that the OCD is responsible for making them miserable. Is this how you feel? Also, please know that you don't need to stay out of relationships forever!!! You need to give yourself permission to be loved as yourself. You can love yourself, and you can let others love you!!! You need to find someone who will treat your heart well:):)

abreeclarey

Date posted: 20h

@Tea and Honey We both wanted to have s*x and we never dated. I feel like I just used him but it all felt wrong to me. I’m hurt that I hurt him. I’m used to being hurt but hurting someone else makes me feel like I literally committed a crime. I feel bed for times I’ve talked to someone and I wasn’t feeling sure or my feelings weren’t as deep in the beginning. I always wonder how people end up in relationships I feel like I’ll never be in one

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