Hey I am having a really bad ocd flare up with real event ocd. The last days have been okay but today I went into a really dark rabbit hole on the internet while seeking reassurance. Now I feel completely dissociated and ocd is LOUD. Can anyone relate or does anyone have tips on how to feel better?
Yes, it happened with my realization that Iāve had it all my life and thatās why Iāve been struggling. I went down hard and got so dissociated. Talking to my husband has helped because he has it and is in a place where he knows how to cope with it better. We have been going on walks in the morning and talking. When I get home I already feel so much better. He has also been encouraging me to detach from the thoughts and see whatās behind it. Sometimes itās good things that get distorted. Like how your love for people is what makes you so scared that theyāll get hurt. He has told me to focus on the love feelings and not the scary ones. I know itās easier said than done, and it may not help for people who may have more severe cases. but it actually has helped me a lot. It has made me realize that most of the things that Iām afraid of stem from a genuine place, and flipping it on its head turns it into something else completely. Itās hard though, I still donāt have a handle on it. Have compassion for yourself above all.
@Anonymous Thank you for your reply but I actually never talked to anyone about my theme because I am really ashamed about it. It is something I did 5 years ago when I was 15 and I just cannot let it go. What hurts me the most is that I love who I am now and I love my life but I just canāt enjoy it because of the things I did that I so deeply regret
@finnišš I try to be compassionate to myself because I was really young and probably didnāt really understand what I did but I feel like I should have and other people my age probably did not do the things I did so I am a bad and weird person
@finnišš Feeling like youāre the exception is ocd at its finest. Itās so good at making you feel like youāre the only person who thought that thought or did that thing.
@kathleen23 But I really donāt think other people did these things. And if they did I donāt want to be a part of those people. I just wish I could completely forget my past
@finnišš I get it. I think you just have to remember that people are allowed to make mistakes, grow, and change. No one on this earth right now is walking around with absolutely no regrets. Once you accept this, it will be easier to move on. No one here is judging youā¤ļøāš©¹
@kathleen23 Thank you so much you sound really kind but I think ocd is just really making it impossible to believe you right now
@finnišš Iāll be honest by talking I donāt really mean talking about the event itself. Just talking and sharing time with him is what has helped. Itās important to share with people are supportive and compassionate with you too. I have things that I have done that I have never told anyone, but just the fact that you feel regret about something says a lot about you. Everyone makes mistakes, and a lot of people never think about them again. Growing up is about learning from your own history but for us sometimes those memories become harmful. I know I have exhausted my analysis of some of these memories. There is one memory that causes me a lot of harm and brings me so much shame. What I did with that memory was imagine a pit like in Inside Out and threw it in there to be forgotten lol. I know visualization doesnāt work for everyone but it has been coming up less and less. You are not identified by your mistakes, memories, thoughts, or your OCD.
@Anonymous Thank you this really helped me. Have you ever struggled with the urge to tell your partner about your shameful events. I sometimes feel like I can never be in a relationship because if they knew what I did they would never love me and I feel like I would have to tell them
@finnišš Yes. I have been struggling to not apologize to everyone who I believe I āhurtā during the time I didnāt know I had OCD. I have considered telling him about this memory, but the thing is, how much will it help to prolong the process of seeking reassurance about this? Sometimes itās imagining things in a balance. Will it help more to talk about it or to accept that you are not that memory? Your brain is trying to process that memory but you have attached value to it because you believe it has something to do with your identity. But you already love who you are, because you made that mistake when you were practically a child. Your frontal lobe hadnāt even fully developed. You learned that you never wanted to do that thing again because it hurt you and others and youāre afraid that youāre someone who hurts people. But youāre not, because just thinking about harming them causes you hurt. You know what Iām trying to say? OCD is a contradiction and it is your brain trying to polarize but taking way too long to finish the process. I fully believed I was completely unlovable until I met my partner. He proved me wrong, and that actually was a shock to me because it made me wonder what else Iāve been wrong about this whole time. (Sorry it takes me long to reply, I have perfectionism and checking compulsions).
@finnišš I know you were asking another commenter about this, but I have felt the same way as you in regard to feeling the need to confess past events to my partner. This is a common compulsion!
@Anonymous Thank you so much that you take so much time to reply I am really so thankful for this š I think I just feel so lonely because I think nobody really knows because of what I did. I really like a guy at the moment and I know that he likes me but in my head I already created a conversation where I confessed to him and he thinks I am really weird for it. I feel like at 15 you should know what you do but do you really think thatās is practically a child?
@kathleen23 Thank you for your answer it really helps to hear from someone who has a similar experience, since ocd makes me feel so lonely
Iām so glad this is helpful to you. I really wish I had someone tell me this when I was younger. I just turned 30 and found out I have untreated OCD and am just now learning to be more compassionate with myself. Try to remember that confessing is a compulsion and it is your mind trying to find some sort of comfort over something you regret deeply. Itās actually your inner self asking you to forgive yourself. Just because you can know right from wrong at 15 doesnāt mean you can form complete judgments of things. You havenāt lived enough to know that some things can have ramifications. Not to mention that if you were raised in an environment where you werenāt even taught anything valuable (I was very neglected as a child), when you grow up you have to learn for yourself and reparent yourself. You know what Iām trying to say? OCD is makes you feel very lonely because it attacks the things that are most valuable to you. And we subconsciously and biologically have the need to be loved and accepted, so it will always put doubts in you about that. The thing that has helped me the most is recognizing that the OCD is separate from me, and it is actually my mind seeking reassurance from itself, so it becomes a thought ouroboros lol.
Hi my lovely, what is funny is I genuinely could have written this post myself because I am feeling exactly the same today. I am trying to be kind to myself and let myself rest, have a little cry if needed, and do something small and productive. On days like this its important to be around people who make you feel like yourself, and let your guilt and shame coexist. Recognise googling and internet research is a compulsion, and very rarely will make you feel better. Every situation is nuanced. Intent matters and time matters. Life must go on ā¤ļø Much love
@recoveryisneverlinear Hey can I ask you, do you also have real event OCD? Because I feel like I can manage all my themes pretty well except real event OCD. I have struggled with the same event for years to the point I did not want to live anymore (that is not he case anymore but it is still so so hard)
@finnišš Yes!! This is exactly how I feel. I am generally good at dealing with all other themes but I canāt shake real event. Its super hard but I really relate to you in your posts- like it sounds like youāre describing me!! How old are you if you donāt mind me asking? I am 19 and I feel like its ruining my life at the moment- or at least my ability to be happy and feel loved ā¤ļø I would love to talk if you feel up for it
@recoveryisneverlinear I am 20, and I would really love to talk!!! š
I wrote something else but deleted it because I was worried it may trigger someoneās ROCD. But what I was trying to say is that while considering if you are āfitā to be a partner is important, itās also important to consider if that person is a good fit for you. In my case because of the nature of my trauma, I knew I had to be with a very compassionate and open-minded person. If you confess something very painful and intimate to someone and their first reaction is to judge you and call you weird, that says more about that person than you. I learned that I had to start practicing radical self-acceptance because I canāt change the past and that was the only way to keep going. I cannot emphasize enough, how important it is to be compassionate with yourself first. That is the nature of the Jungian āShadowā, everyone has things they reject about themselves, the difference with us is that we canāt stop seeing it standing in the corner. A lot of the times though, that shadow is just our past wounded selves that we donāt recognize anymore.
@Anonymous Thank you I am so deeply thankful that you are taking time to respond to me. It helps to hear from someone who knows what I am going through. I am feeling so extremely depressed about my ocd today. I feel like I will never be able to live my life fully. Real event ocd is haunting me so much and I am trying for years now to forgive and love myself but no matter how many times I think I finally can forgive myself ocd creeps in again. It feels like a huge scary monster that keeps visiting me since my childhood and I just cannot let it go. I am so scared that it will never go away. Sorry if this is to dark but I feel so hopeless. I have had Phases where I thought I loved myself and could stand against ocd but this scary monster always manages to scare me again and again. I must also admit though that I only ever tried to manage ocd alone and I never really opened up to a therapist because I am to scared
@finnišš Youāre welcome. I am answering because I relate so so much with what youāre going through and trust me, itās not too dark. I have been there in my 20s and during that time I didnāt know I had it and couldnāt afford therapy. I just thought I was depressed. You are not alone, and OCD comes in waves. Part of acceptance is knowing that you may sometimes have relapses but that you can and will get better. I think it is important to seek treatment if you can, even if you donāt talk to anyone about this event at first or at all. I think it could help if you find someone you feel comfortable with. And if not there is also medication. If that is something you feel comfortable with. I would no doubt take it, if I could afford it rn. I say that because I spent my whole 20s trying to understand and therapize myself and learning Jungian psychology by myself. while Iām glad I have the knowledge, because thereās things I can apply now, I think I created a bunch more obsessions for myself, because I couldnāt accept that I couldnāt make myself better and A LOT of magical thinking. I think you have proven that you have stood up to OCD and that you will continue to. The last thing I can think of is grounding techniques. Walking, dancing, singing, anything that pulls you out of your head and into your body enough for you to get a bit of clarity. Idk if this works but I hope you know youāre not alone. Youāve got this.
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