I feel like I am a bad girlfriend

For some reason I feel like I am a terrible girlfriend ❤️ I am not for sure how come. I put a lot of pressure on myself to be bubbly and if I am not bubble for one day I can’t think anything but I am terrible. Latley my eatting disorder has been bothering me and my boyfriend is goi to move away and I am worried about my career and I suffer from depression and I have been worried my personalilty is not good enough anymore like it expired and due to that I have been joking more but the more “pretend attitude” but it’s not even attitude but my mind preceieves it as that but it’s playfulness but rough playfulness. But I feel like if I don’t do rough I will be boring and I will criticize myself even more but if i am quite then I am worried my struggles will be dismissed. But either way I don’t like talking about my struggles because I feel like there not big enough. Today I ran a 5k and I got 4 hours of sleep and my boyfriend told me,” Gosh I am tired” I said oh no that’s not good. I feel terrible because I don’t know what to say. Also he said,” I am sore” I asked him if there is anything I can do for him he said,” You can’t do anything for soreness and I spiraled” He is moving away too so that makes me sad. I am worried for the future because he gets mad sometimes and that’s normal but my brain says he will turn it against me even though he is sweet now I feel so ashamed I walked inside while he was on the scooter and I went inside for 4 minutes total to get a drink of water and I feel bad for that too I don’t know I just feel bad

ERP is the w...

User type: OCD Conqueror

Date posted: 6h

I know this very tough !Do you have a OCD therapist?

OCDParty

Date posted: 6h

@ERP is the way to be Hey I don’t have an OCD therapist 💙 Thank you so much for asking me ai greatly appreciate it! The scary thing is every time I want to do ocd theriphy I tell myself I don’t have OCD and am taking up therapy space because others have things worse and then I panic if I do ocd theriphy I wll become uncautious and then hurt someone on accident and then that terrifies me 😂I am so sorry I feel like that sounds odd I am sorry I am so sorry I suffer from anxiety and eatting disorder and depression but I feel like my anxiety has been keeping me up at night 😂

Nismobug

Date posted: 6h

I can relate to that. I wrap myself around anyone in my life I perceive as 'emotionally important' and then I judge every action, word and thought to make sure I didn't say or do anything that might make that person or persons think less of me, or not love or like me anymore. When I do speak my mind or if I disagree with someone I put on these pedestals, my OCD kicks in and tells me I'm not worthy enought to have my own opinion and 'don't speak up or you may lose them!'....and I hate that I give my OCD that much power, because those moments I'm able to think about it all clearly, I see that I'm the one putting that pressure on myself and it doesn't matter if the other person does or doesn't love me: I am a person of worth and value, first and formost. With or without people in my life, my value is what I give it. I guess I"m learning that people don't give me MY value, I state my value, then give that to others and thats how it should be, i think...for me anyway

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