Real event OCD is so hard ☹️

It is so so hard. Stress and big changes always trigger me. I have been working on trying to detach my accomplishments and/or mistakes from my identity. I have several events that haunt me. Have you ever done journaling? Morning pages started helping me feel clearer. Three pages of stream of consciousness. If it’s something you don’t want lying around you can always burn the pages after. It’s a very cathartic. I am not fully recovered, but I have been able to detach more. I know this may not be helpful for everyone, but for me sometimes I just need a window of clarity to be able to break from the spiral.

You’re welcome! I also find a lot of comfort in knowing that I am not alone. I hope it helps! I was very skeptical at first, but taking the thoughts out of your head for a while, even through writing, feels a bit magical. At least to me. Especially things that you may feel like you can’t talk about out loud. You’ve got this friend!

oh my gosh, me too hun. i’ve been giving into my compulsions and reassurance seeking with chatgpt all day, about multiple things i regret. you’re not alone hun

If everyone had to never feel okay ever again for doing something wrong…no one would ever be okay! Guilt is good for motivating people to right a wrong or to improve for the future, but us OCD people take guilt into overdrive. Once it stops being productive, it’s time to shift into forgiveness. Hating yourself for your past doesn’t make you a better person for it. Besides that, no one is ever defined by a bad thing they did. That includes you. OCD may say that you can never live a happy life/be a good person/be “worthy” because of your past, or it might scare you about what might happen if you forgive yourself, but why not give it a try? I’d argue it’s better than an endless cycle of guilt for the rest of your life (one that only gives the illusion of improvement or “evening out” the past).

It feels so hard for me because I have no way to even tell myself it's all in my head, it's not real... no, I really did that and that really happened. I'm so envious of my friends who can look at past mistakes and kinda just go "lol oops" and move on with their day...