Feel like I have no insight on some things

I have very severe ocd. I can’t even properly explain it to my therapist. I can’t even write this without ocd saying I’m doing something. I feel like my mind has created a reality that is so warped, that there are many things that are ocd that I am not recognizing, making me believe lies that ocd tells. On NOCD, I had a very bad obsession about prayers which is when it all started. I was so convinced I genuinely meant bad prayers, that when people told me they were intrusive thoughts, I said “no they’re not,” and it seemed obvious they weren’t. It seemed like a fact to me. The thing that doesn’t make sense though, is how can I be this upset about prayers and still be making bad prayers on a constant basis. Eventually I found out it was ocd. The problem is, this likely applies to things other than prayers. Since I have no insight on certain things (and I don’t know what they all are but it’s clear there are some things I have no insight on), my descriptions become warped when talking to ocd specialists, and I might not get the best advice from them. There are certain things that my mind warped so much that I won’t get in to, but there was a lot of flawed logic. I know I’m not making much sense, and I feel that is a symptom of the ocd as well that’s making treatment harder or impossible. I have tried the max dose of nearly every medication and augmentation for ocd (I’ve been on chlomipramine 100 mg for over 4 weeks, and I’m on 150 mg now), and nothing has even made a slight impact. I also have had basically no side effects to medication including 10 mg of abilify, and 1 mg of Xanax (I may have had side effects to 2 mg of Xanax which my psychiatrist said I could try limiting it to once a week), but I don’t remember what happened a lot of that night. I’m likely starting TMS next week, which is probably a good step, but I don’t think it’s going to be enough. I think I need surgery, and I might be wrong, but from the very start of therapy, it’s design has not seemed to be able to treat my ocd well

KallieAnnie

Date posted: 7d

What medications have you tried?

anonymous23635

Date posted: 7d

@KallieAnnie Zoloft 200 mg, Prozac 80 mg, buspirone 60 mg, Abilify 10 mg, Seroquel and Xanax for anxiety spikes, memantine 20 mg and I’m currently on chlomipramine 150 mg. I upped it to 100 over 4 and a half weeks ago and my psychiatrist said he thought chlomipramine wouldn’t work if 100 had done nothing after 4 weeks).

KallieAnnie

Date posted: 7d

Try mentioning Vraylar.. it’s a newer antipsych, and it works very well for me. Also, I was in the same boat; tried over 17 medications in 2 years. Have you had the swab test yet? To see what medications to try and which ones to stay away from?

anonymous23635

Date posted: 13h

@KallieAnnie I haven’t tried a swab test yet. I started deep TMS on Thursday last week (so it’s been 3 sessions). Apparently I’m highly sensitive to TMS (which just means that they have to do a lower pulse which shouldn’t impact treatment), but that’s the only information I have on how my brain responds to things. I e thought about a swab test and mentioned it to my psychiatrist. He prescribed methylfolate, because he is worried I don’t have enough neurotransmitters. I’ve had no side effects of any medication including 10 mg of abilify, so that could be a clue that my body isn’t absorbing them the right way

KallieAnnie

Date posted: 13h

@anonymous23635 Got it! Well I would consider talking with your doctor about Vraylar.. being someone who like I said, failed 17 other medications until this one, it’s been a complete life saver! If you are sensitive to high doses, it does come in a .5 mg tablet.

anonymous23635

Date posted: 12h

@KallieAnnie That could work. I’m not sensitive to high doses of medicine (I’ve had no reaction to any of them maybe minus 2 mg of Xanax), but I’m sensitive to pulses in TMS, which isn’t related to medications

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