relationship OCD

so i was in a relationship in the past that, i was married. it was really intense and up and down and we ended up getting a divorce, i struggled a lot with ROCD in that relationship too. A LOT. it put a damper on things. anyways, around 6 months of massive healing and moving to another state, i met someone who's amazing and now we live together. it's been almost a year. it's AMAZING. i never thought id be happy again. my OCD went away. but lately it's been creeping back in, i have thoughts that its not "deep enough" and maybe i've settled. but im happy. i'm so calm. ive never felt calm in a relationship EVER. and i do with him. but what if it's not enough, what if im meant to just be single. like i'm not meant to have any romantic relationship. that thought makes me so sad. and in every past relationship when i've had ROCD it ended up being true. so what if it's true again. i feel so lost and that im going to ruin things with him. i don't want to do that.

Anonymous

Date posted: 16h

Hi there! This is so incredibly hard, and I’m so sorry you’re dealing with this. You are not alone. People struggle with these kinds of thoughts all the time. One technique my therapist taught me is saying and writing down that feeling you fear 7 times, for example “my feelings for __ are not enough.” Then sit with that feeling of anxiety that will come with it and use the scripts “OCD is a liar!” “Feelings are not facts!” Take what you know to be true - you are happy and calm in this relationship with him - and focus on that. Praying for you and your healing! Hope this helps!

alan87

Date posted: 16h

@Anonymous I like this response. Bookmarking so I can use this technique.

apricotallie

User type: OCD Conqueror

Date posted: 16h

@Anonymous thanks so much 💕

alan87

Date posted: 16h

The “what if” game of OCD is not a fun game. I am married and have these thoughts as well. It ranges between thoughts of attraction, finding other people attractive and wondering what life would be like with them, etc., to sort of an existential type thinking of what if this isn’t where I’m supposed to be, am I really in love, etc. Just know you are not alone in this. As well, these are completely normal thoughts to have. The problem with us is we hang on those thoughts and go down a rabbit hole of continuous thoughts and spiraling trying to find an answer or certainty that is unobtainable. Go give your loved one a hug and a kiss, let the thoughts happen (give a “maybe, maybe not” to your thoughts), and let the thought go.

apricotallie

User type: OCD Conqueror

Date posted: 16h

@alan87 thank you so much. i did some exporsures and it helped me a little bit. i'm really emotional and crying and i just feel so bad for even having these thoughts. i also get so worried about if i have to let my boyfriend know i have these thoughts, or if that's another form of seeking reassurance. it feels like im "betraying" him by not telling him i go through this. but then i think my hope subconsciously in telling him will create a problem, then a conclusion. ultimately making us feel "more connected". it's so frustrating. just trying to ride the waves of these emotions and giving myself love.

alan87

Date posted: 15h

@apricotallie It is completely normal to have these thoughts. From what I understand, confessing and telling is reassurance seeking. Sit with the anxiety and thoughts, resist the urge to confess, and let them pass. One mindfulness technique I learned was this prompt: Imagine you’re next to a stream, either in the woods, lush greens, sunlit, whatever setting feels comfortable and calm to you. You’re sitting or standing next to a stream. Imagine the sound of the water trickling and bubbling as the stream flows. Slight breeze and warm sunlight. Watching the stream, a leaf falls onto the water. It sits on the surface and slowly moves downstream. Bumping into rocks and the edges of the stream. It slowly floats farther downstream almost out of sight. Another leaf falls and lands on the water. Take your thought and place it on the leaf. Now watch as your thought gently floats downstream on top of that leaf. Not judging it, not giving it any attention except for noticing it as it floats away the same way the first leaf did. Bumping into edges and rocks, the water trickling and bubbling. Watch the thought float away into the distance. Do that with every thought. Place it on a leaf and watch it float away downstream.

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