Fear of losing it all.

Does anybody else feel like someone will eventually bring their past mistakes or embarrassing secrets up and everything will go to waste? Everybody makes mistakes, yes, but I have a hard time accepting mine, specially when those happened during my teenage years/young adulthood and they went on for an extended period of time. For me it's like, it doesn't matter how hard I try or what I achieve: someone will bring up my past mistakes and just like that my whole life will go to waste: no job opportunities, no partner, no friends, no nothing. Does anybody else feel like this? How did you manage to control these thoughts? Any tips? Thank you :).

Anonymous

Date posted: 13h

Yes definitely. Actually your post is pretty much textbook what I have

anonymous_pu...

Date posted: 13h

I'm so sorry to hear this, I'd say that this is one of the hardest thoughts I've ever had in my life. And whenever I read someone talking about this topic I think: "yes, but my mistakes are different". It's so exhausting...

bluebird27

Date posted: 13h

yes I have this! my current theme is things I've done years ago of were they a crime and if not how can they ruin my life now anyway and the compulsion is to mentally review and research and plan out every outcome. unfortunately, I don't have a solution but it is crippling. looking forward to getting into a therapist! you're not alone

anonymous_pu...

Date posted: 13h

How long have you been experiencing this? This is a nightmare to me :(

bluebird27

Date posted: 13h

@anonymous_purple💜 oh god, like a couple months now and then it spikes whenever I get excited about something or start planning. we are making an exciting move to nyc pretty soon so I think maybe that is what's impacting it. the OCD feels so REAL though so it's so hard to tell what's actually and concern and what isn't. it is such a nightmare 😳😳

anonymous_pu...

Date posted: 13h

@bluebird27 - Wait! I thought I was the only one who spiked when there is something exciting going on in my life or when I try to plan future things...

bluebird27

Date posted: 13h

@anonymous_purple💜 it's literally so horrible because like I'll get to feel joy for like a few hours and then the rest gets corrupted. it's so good to hear someone else having this. because it is literally so isolating. and then idk if you have this but it puts me in the place where I have compulsions to turn myself into the police or confess everything to do something to ruin my life so then it will already be done with

marie811

Date posted: 13h

very textbook to me too! this is my current theme, i’ve made really really stupid mistakes. i’m 25 and my mistakes span from the past 3 or so years and i’m haunted mentally by them. i regret it so bad and feel like even if i do recover something will happen and from my past and ruin all my progress and any happiness i’ve managed to acquire

anonymous_pu...

Date posted: 13h

I'm so sorry to hear this. The positive thing here is that we're not the same person as we were back then: mainly because we recognise these were past mistakes, but I don't know why it seems so hard to move on :(.

recoveryisne...

Date posted: 12h

I feel the same way! This is called real event OCD and I have been suffering from this theme for a couple of months now. Its super horrible so I feel you… its funny because your post talks about exactly how I feel a lot of the time- that worry of exposure to others and fear of losing progress/ social rejection. For me, I really try to remind myself that I am already a different person than the one who made those mistakes, and that absolutely no one makes it through life without screwing up. I have lots of stuff related to this on my posts on here, so go check it out if you like 🫶 Sometimes one of the most helpful things is just to realise you are not alone 🫂

anonymous_pu...

Date posted: 12h

I’m so glad that I found this community. I believe that one of the most horrible feelings around these topics is feeling like you’re the exception, or that your case is the worst. When you take things into perspective, you realise that this is not just something you experience. It honestly sucks that we have to be worried all the time, it’s life draining. But at the same time, reading comments like yours make me genuinely feel better—and not in a reassuring way, but in a way of: “hey, you’re not alone”, which I’ve felt like I was for a long long time. Thank you, truly.

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