Relationship issues

last night. Didn’t go well with me and my boyfriend. I was trying to explain to him to keep it short and simple that our communication has been very silence and I feel disconnected in the relationship when we don’t communicate that often and also we haven’t been really seeing each other that much and it made me realize that it’s something that I really don’t want in the relationship is to feel disconnected into somehow fix things by deactivating my Instagram account. In this case he took it as that means you don’t wanna be with me you threw away three years of our relationship and it made me feel bad because I was trying to communicate to him on Ways We could fix things but the only way that he told me that if I can fix things is for me to go over there where he is instead of him coming to me so right now he still has me on social media. He still has my number. He still hasn’t taken pictures down. And I kinda hid mine because now we’re just in a standstill. He took it as a sign that oh I can’t force you to stay in a relationship where you feel disconnected. I didn’t mean it as disconnected meaning oh the relationship is done for but disconnected meaning also in communication wise and also in a way where we don’t see each other that often is how I felt disconnected because I felt lonely like he doesn’t want to see me anymore

CrazyKitCat

Date posted: 15h

Maybe tell him that you mean that you just want better communication between you guys. Maybe something like: “I just want to talk more. Is there something you enjoy that we can talk about?” But start small. Like at first a “thinking of you”

Jailyn.h1

User type: OCD Conqueror

Date posted: 12h

@CrazyKitCat I tried talking to him about it but he took it as a sign that I feel disconnected in this relationship which meant to him that I don’t want to continue going and I was communicating with him and all he said was “why didn’t you just say that” but despite all the hurt and crying I did. He really didn’t say much and kinda turn the questions on me such as what are you going to do? What do you think? How do you feel? well if we are going to fix this you have to come at my place. And I did say to him but I can’t cause I don’t have a car and I can’t ask my parents then told him that he said to me that over is expensive and he wants me to go to him to fix things. Then it turned into him saying okay bye I’m in bed now gn. 🙄

amyrp

Date posted: 12h

100% understand this and see you! I'm going through something similar this week with my partner (very avoidant) and the disconnection triggered an ROCD spiral sadly, on my side, so it's really sparked the anxious-avoidant loop now of me tugging harder while he pulls away. Trying to just trust that 'this too shall pass', using the SOS-audio/video available here on the app when needed, and trying to take care of my body while my mind struggles so hard (good meals, trying to go to the gym even when it sucks, etc.) 🤍

Jailyn.h1

User type: OCD Conqueror

Date posted: 12h

@amyrp I’m starting to get into the gym after a traumatic panic attack I had two years ago and now this on top of a racing heart I did push to go to the gym dispute on how I was feeling and today it was weird conversation. Last night after this happened my body suddenly got detached. Like my mind was somewhere else while I was physically there. Anxiety was really high around 3am. This morning I did say to him that my brother asked when you were coming and I said idk to my brother then my bf said after what happened last night you still want me to come and I said idk that’s up to you then he said that’s up to you and I said you nah e a say as well then he said so your putting this on me now🙄 I’m tired 😪

Jailyn.h1

User type: OCD Conqueror

Date posted: 11h

@amyrp He still has me on his social media and hasn’t taken his status down or pictures of us

Jailyn.h1

User type: OCD Conqueror

Date posted: 11h

@amyrp ❤️‍🩹

amyrp

Date posted: 11h

It makes sense that you'd feel mentally and emotionally exhausted after a spike like this 🤍 Im in a similar boat in that sense and really feeling ran down too. 🤍 What interventions typically help for you in a spike like this?

Jailyn.h1

User type: OCD Conqueror

Date posted: 11h

@amyrp The gym listening to music and just watching movies

amyrp

Date posted: 11h

@Jailyn.h1 Sounds like some really kind options 😍 trying to figure out all these relationship tensions/updates whilst In a spike kinda sounds like a perfect storm (it certainly would be in my head). I wonder if rumination is a compulsion for you too? I try to mentally 'solve' all the time. Maybe.. if it feels accessible, you could pick the absolute tiniest step towards one of these things to calm down the compulsion-urge? Like. If picking a movie feels too much, maybe standing up to make a cup of tea in preparation feels good 🤍 or if music feels like it's too far out of the mental noise, maybe just moving to your favourite spot to listen to it - and grabbing a blanket. Then see how you feel. 🤍

Jailyn.h1

User type: OCD Conqueror

Date posted: 8h

@amyrp I actually love all of this. Thank you so much. It really means a lot and yes, one of my compulsions is rumination. I tend to overthink a lot, and it affects me today I was physically nauseous and also my heart rate was spiking in the most out of the blue ways I was sitting down and my heart rate just decides to go up and I’m saying to myself just relax you are OK this is just anxiety from the moment you are experiencing right now, which is my relationship and right now I am just in my bed with my blanket getting ready for bed

Jailyn.h1

User type: OCD Conqueror

Date posted: 8h

@amyrp He did text me. Hi I said I am at # Church and he said oh OK got it Sorry then I sent him a thumbs up. He sent me a thumbs up. I said OK he said OK and I said just got out. Why did you say hi and all he said was because I wanted to and all I said was well good night and he said good night and I told my mom this and she said it’s the little steps

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