How am I supposed to sit with the uncertainty that I might have done a terrible thing? How am I supposed to sit with the uncertainty that I might lose everything I care about in my life? What do I actually do? I know I’m now supposed to get reassurance but if I could figure out this one event and see what I actually did then I think would be free from OCD. Any tips?
Hi there. I suffer from real event and false memory themes as well. I’m going to explain to you what this looks like from my point of view. I also regret a specific real event I engaged with some time ago, and as much as I thought that over-analysing this theme would free me from my mental loops, things got worse over time. It all started with analysing the theme, looking for reassurance and googling things up—instant relief came and it felt like the problem had completely vanished. However, within hours or days, it came back and even stronger. Now it’s gotten to a point where I’m not obsessing over a specific theme, but over a few. I’m obsessing over themes and topics that I had done a while ago and that I wouldn’t normally remember. What frightens me the most is that my mind can’t really tell what I said or not, just as you mention in this post. This is just my experience, but reassurance has caused a great harm to me.
@anonymous_purple💜 What are we supposed to do? How do you sit with uncertainty? Feels wrong and feels like I’m in denial.
@Anonymous I wish I knew what to do so that I wouldn’t have to deal with this gut-wrenching feeling all day long. It truly is exhausting, and the combination of real event + false memory has to be one of the worst experiences I’ve ever went through in my life. But things need to be taken into perspective, and we must try to remain positive. Have you tried talking about this real event to someone? As for me, I can’t even consider doing so to somebody I know, but I’ve found myself a little more at ease when I’ve vented about this in this community, maybe that helps you. As for the certainty part, I totally understand you. One of the hardest things for me is accepting that uncertainty exists and it’s something that will always be present in our lifetimes. I can’t really advise you on that, but just so you know, you’re not alone.
@anonymous_purple💜 Thank you for taking time to reply. It helps 🙂
Just here to say that I can relate and I'm working really hard on being kind to myself today and trying to remind myself of one of my favorite quotes "be strong sayeth my heart, I am a soldier, I have seen worse sights than this."
Feeling wrong and feeling you are in a denial is what you feel when you practise not responding and ERP. OCD is lying to you about the event and saying you would be free from OCD if you could work it out. I promise
@ben123 But what if it is true?? lol, I know that’s OCD but it is still scary because I can remember the event but not the specific thing I need to remember in order to get clarity. I just worry that eventually it will come out as true, and I will lose everything.
@Anonymous You can’t and never will get clarity. So you have to get off the track. It is really really hard but if you want to get better you have to commit to not following the thoughts and to keep going with your life even with horrendous anxiety. You’re trying to figure it out is making the anxiety worse. There’s no other way. You have to do the hard work
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