any possible advice please :/

My ex and I broke up a little bit ago. I always struggled with ROCD and it really destroyed us. At first, we decided we were just single, hanging out here and there and we could still do what we wanted. When he realized that I was not necessarily being flirty, but more careless at work and around people, he was very upset and told me not to do that. A couple days later he had texted me goodnight per usual, and I said I missed him, and then he unexpectedly blocked me on everything. So I went about my next few days, wondering about other guys, talking with people at work, I mean, really just allowing myself to get the kind of “attention” I couldn’t get it while dating someone. The problem is, I’m scared that these feelings will ruin any chance I have him getting back with him.. but people have told me I’m allowed to question things/think about other guys. Now I’m just worried because there’s certain guys that I’ve thought about recently a lot, and even though I never ever date them, I’m concerned. My ex unblocked me to send me an essay about how I don’t care as much as he does, he’s the only one actually trying, etc. (even though he blocked me, now somehow it feels my fault?) And even though it’s absolutely false, I feel like I can’t plead my case if I’ve been thinking about other people or even feeling “crush” feelings. Again, these are people I wouldn’t date, and I do miss my ex. I’m just trapped. I don’t want to be rude and not respond because he really poured his heart out to me.. but nothing I say can fix this right now. Any advice? Edit: I also feel like at work I was kinda using the story of his essay to get attention. I feel horrible. I have seriously zero idea what to do (edited)

XwitnessX

Date posted: 12h

Personally speaking, I don’t think it’s up to anyone else to “fix” how I feel and vice versa. I think it’s up to each of us individually to learn and grow as we go. I’ve never liked the idea of trying to control another person and what they do and I definitely don’t like it when partners are that way with me. I think it’s up to us to work on our own insecurities. Try not to take his words too personally, he’s only speaking from a place of hurt. I could go on and on about this and ramble… but when things are rocky between two people sometimes it’s best to take time between responding and making any final decisions. I dunno I hope any of this helped! :/ 🫶

An0nymouss122

Date posted: 11h

Im not sure what your exact situation is, or how old you two are so im not sure how helpful my comment will be but: the way I see it is that you both mutually agreed to be friends with relationship benefits, when he found out you were following the "friends with benefits" system, he got upset, went cold on you and then blocked you when you attempted some kind of sign of affection (the "I miss you"). He can feel however he wants but what he did wasnt fair. You both mutually consented to a relationship dynamic, him behaving like you betrayed him by following that dynamic isn't how that works. If anything, he wasnt following the system. I deeply understand why his essay has affected you, despite logically knowing you didn't do anything wrong, I'm in that same spot at the moment. It seems to be a common issue with ocd. We can know someone is lying/saying something you disagree with/etc and still spiral on whether we're actually in the wrong or not. If I were you I would say: I do understand that you're hurt, but we mutually agreed we would be single, with relationship moments when we felt like it, and I followed that. What I do with other guys in my spare time is none of your business given our current relationship status. Your words have hurt me deeply, and I don't believe your criticism is fair. This confrontation has made me realize I don't think this relationship is healthy anymore, and I don't think we should continue in any capacity. I wish you the best, goodbye. That's just me. It seems like hes struggling to communicate what he wants out of a relationship and is taking it out on you. So personally id just cut him off gently and move on to find someone worth your energy. Good luck ❤️

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