Many people don’t realize how varied OCD symptoms can be, or how many different areas of life they can touch. What was the most surprising way OCD showed up for you?
I am an extremely morally conscious person, but this year I have discovered I still can make mistakes and do things which go against those values. OCD has taken this and run with it and made me question something I would never have expected- myself and my values. I still carry lots of guilt and shame- it has made me feel I don’t know who I am anymore. That is something I could not have foreseen.
@recoveryisneverlinear friend, i hear this 100%. i’m a nurse by profession so morals is my last name and i had a year or two where i acted completely out of line with my values and made some mistakes and choices i wouldn’t make now and i never expected OCD to ruin the relationship i have with myself. i could doubt all kinds of things but never myself, OCD made that happen
@marie811 Exactly! I was always very self assured and it really has taken that away from me. Thank you for your response, it’s really comforting to know you feel/ have felt the same! I wish you all the best ❤️
I recently had one night of insomnia. That triggered anxiety and more intense OCD thoughts. It’s been a week now and Im in a vicious cycle of not sleeping
@lisaNight This too shall pass. I’ve been here multiple times, and it does get better. Be kind to yourself, give yourself grace and know that you are not alone.
@alan87 Thank you for your kind words. I just don’t know how to make it better right now. I’m so panicked about missing work and losing my job.
I feel this 🫂 it's rough and frustrating to lie down in bed and your thoughts are going a million miles a minute. Hoping you get some good rest soon! 🫶
Please know you are not alone. Sending so much love and support your way.
@lisaNight My ocd started with insomnia. Then ocd directly about sleep and then hundreds of other themes. Been 5 years now this June. Every damn day !
@alan87 It’s been 5 years here. Two other ten year bouts of it so on and off 30 years. The sleep thing is a pain !
@lisaNight Have you tried over-the-counter things like melatonin now I couldn’t take that but a lot of people can. And there’s also that NyQuil nighttime for sleep they advertise it on TV a lot that might help.
Dissociation and memory loss 😢
@Madhiyabe25 Is memory loss caused by ocd? I wondered that because mine is getting bad where I think I may be getting early onset Alzheimer’s. Both of my parents had it and I’m not a young chick anymore. But I have been a total mess for years now and always in my head about things in my life that brings on unpleasant feelings, like guilt, regret, depression, all those nasty things that bring I me down. I hope that is the cause of my memory loss because today at church I asked this man that’s wife had cancer and was sick for a long, long time how she was, completely forgetting that she has died! Before that my mind as usual was not in a good place. I’ve done lots of crazy things that concerns me. Prayers are always welcome. ❤️🙏🏻
@Madhiyabe25 Yes 1000%, I will replay everything in my head so many times that it becomes fiction and now the actual memory is lost, the only thing remaining are my intrusive thoughts telling me all the horrible things I said in a conversation that I don’t even remember. It makes it so much easier for my brain to try and convince me that I’m a bad and awkward person no one wants to be around when I don’t have anything memories to prove otherwise. And the dissociation has gotten so bad that people are constantly asking me if I’m okay or coworkers will tell me to stop “daydreaming” when I’m having intrusive thoughts.
Making me think i was sexually attracted to my cat and wanted to harm her
@bluerainbow Those are some of the worst ones I’m so sorry, I’ve had that theme with my dogs, remember that you are not your thoughts and the reason your brain latched onto those thoughts is because of how much you are not that - and it feels so scary to the true you that you feel like you need to do everything you can to stop it from being true. It can be terrifying to decide that you know who you are and you don’t need to prove it/check/be certain. It’s so worth it though. Sending you lots of strength 🫶🫂
@qualia Thankyou 🙂 that helps a lot
@bluerainbow Thank you for sharing. You are not alone, OCD can be so weird. I’ve had minor intrusive thoughts about my dog before 🐶
@j vv Its because we truly find those thoughts repulsive, thats exactly why ocd has chosen those themes. To get the biggest reactions from us. Ocd is soooooooo freakin wierd haha..I can laugh now. But it is distressing at the time. I think its called ego distonic or something like that...im sorry you went through that as well I know how horrible it is 🫂
@bluerainbow I’ve been doing through the same with my dogs, people have commented on how much I love my dogs and my brain took that and ran with it to the point that if I’m loving up on my baby girl, I’ll feel ashamed like someone’s going to judge me.
@5652Lola Its the worst part of these type of ocd themes. The feelings of shame and fear about it. People who dont know anything about ocd probably would judge us, but take heart that anyone who knows about ocd, wouldn't judge. We judge ourselves harshly, too. Ocd latches onto whatever is important to us. And your dog is important to you. That's all. Just like my cat means everything to me and I do love her. So ocd tried to take over and make me worry. Your not alone 🫂
@5652Lola Thanks for the support
I thought compulsive rumination was just how everyone thought about things. I would never have guessed that it was a sign of OCD. I also didn’t know that my lifetime of avoidance behaviors were the same. I thought I didn’t talk to people in high school because I didn’t like them. Turns out I’ve lived my whole life avoiding the external world and “solving problems” in my head because I am afraid of not being good enough. I don’t know if I will ever be truly free from the doubt.
@ElenaMarceline Oh my gosh this is exactly what I experienced after being diagnosed with OCD. I was always just “a master procrastinator” “an overthinker” “meticulous” “detail-oriented” “so polite” “a perfectionist”. It was so strange and eye-opening to discover that those weren’t just personality traits that I have to deal with but that I can get back the freedom to exist in the moment. If you need any support I’m happy to chat.
@ElenaMarceline Very much relate to this. 🫶🏻
Messiness. I’m an extreme germaphobe and that presents itself in my life as being unable to clean, therefore more mess, therefore more fear. I’m really embarrassed about it especially bc ppl assume my germaphobia makes me a clean freak. But nope!
@Sheepery Ugh I relate. This is one of my least favorite misconceptions people have about OCD 🫠😑 I have both contamination and hoarding themes so my room is a disaster and people always joke about how they bet my room is spotless because of how meticulous I am (when not at home) 🫥 Self-compassion can be so hard because of the shame/guilt/embarrassment that can come with this, but I think you’re doing amazing just by taking the first step and recognizing the pattern! Sending you so much encouragement and support 🫂🫶
@Sheepery For me, only things on the floor trigger me for some reason. I can’t stand it. If a table is messy, or a bed isn’t made, for some reason I am cool with that lol. But if there is a straw wrapper or dust on the floor, I meltdown at times
@qualia Thank you so much for the support, I’ve really needed to hear smth positive today. this aspect of OCD for me has begun to take over my life bc I’m houseless right now and finding it so hard to clean in the hotels I’m staying in. Sometimes what keeps me going is knowing I gotta better and go home so I can clean my room before my mom throws away all my stuff lol.
The way I can WHOLEHEARTEDLY relate to this.
@Sheepery Yuuupppp. Daughter of a hoarder with hoarding tendencies. Where other people see a cluttered room that would take MAYBE an hour or two to organize, I see an insurmountable, immovable obstacle.
@Sheepery I JUST shared a similar comment before I read through them all. You explained it even better than I did!
Catastrophing everything!
It was extremely surprising to me to find out that my difficulty making decisions and the anxiety that that sparked was OCD. I had no idea OCD could show up in those ways, it explained a lot of my early experiences.
Real-event OCD from trauma. Started in my early twenties and has never gone away. And disassociation definitely. Medication helps.
I am literally considering getting a autism assessment because I don’t know if it’s just ocd. But I was always weirdly sensitive of noise, the way anything touches my body or a If lot of emotions are around me I can’t seem to work them out and I feel like my body is on fire. Like I would scream so much if one shoe was tighter lol
I'm the reverse of you! I have an autism diagnosis but received modified therapy for OCD as well. It is a tangle! 'None of these applies directly to you, so we'll try each and see what works'. I use a lot of free (reputable) resources for this reason. It saves time in the exposition part of therapy sessions, which are expensive.
@AspiringMess Same
@Ashlyn ♡ ☆☜ ('▽^☜)
@ve141 Yes same, I’ll completely shut down if there’s too much going on around me and disassociate. Disassociating has become such a normal part of my life that I don’t know when I’m actual present in the room and not a peice of furniture. But I simply can’t handle something as simple as a misaligned sock and would fixate on it and feel anxious until it’s fixed.
@ve141 I have heard it autism and OCD look very similar on the surface. What you what you are describing as the noise sensitivity and the way someone touches your body and not seeming to work out emotions does sound a lot like autism. But please please do not take my word, you would have to be evaluated and that would be a good idea to be assessed. My neighbor’s grandson is autistic and I know someone else that has a son that’s autistic. And the sensitivity to noise seems to be a common theme among them plus the not touching and not being able to handle their emotions. So yes, he might be a good idea to be assessed and it will put your mind at ease. But one good thing.about the ones I know is that they are very, very, very smart in other areas of their life.
Excessive thoughts about things that haven't happened and extreme disconnect with who I am and the people around me
@Graheck Yes and then I’ll rehearse these conversations that will never happen and wouldn’t stop until it’s perfected
@5652Lola Yes!
i’m afraid of contaminating my hobbies and interests so i avoid them or “clean them” after i engage with them
I've had multiple Huge Deaths I my immediate family with recently my Father passing suddenly and I've never in my life have had this mess of constant thoughts of something bad happens and have to knock on wood to feel vindicated from that.. it's so crazy. It's upsetting so much .
I am so sorry for your loss. Please know you are not alone.
@hhhhdrv Right there with you. I always feel like a sudden car accident that is not my fault is about to kill me or someone I care about and that there is literally no way to predict or prevent it. My best friend died like this in November. Or that another enormous loss I’m not ready for is coming and I have to know what all the potential scenarios are.
@Mackenzie - NOCD Team Member Thank you Mackenzie that means so much 🩷
Just how normalized and routine it can become to feel. Compulsions were such a daily ritual for me for so long that I'd written off myself ever being diagnosed: I always assigned it to me just being that way. It wasn't til I was doing a mental health care questionnaire that pointed it out (and is why I'm here!). It's been good to go through therapy, and the diagnosis helped my husband make sense of a lot of things I do, so he has a better understanding of me now 🫶
After two years with this (probably way more, but I just didn't noticed it) mine is getting extremely frustrated about my compulsions and fear. He tries to help by not giving in to the compulsions, but his tone is not the best, or he insists that I do activities when I am relaxing, but I come back worst and the safety net I had created ìs now completely broken and the compulsions kick back. .
Terrible images in my head
@Meow cat🐱 Those are really the worst, they’re like mini-nightmares while you’re awake
Make me scared from life and my religion ✝️
OCD has prevented me from staying at THREE jobs. I didn't think this disorder would affect my daily life as much as it has/does.
I've been there.
@Penguin23 I've been there, too
Honestly finding out OCD could attach itself to emotions and not just thoughts 😭 I had no idea things like emotional contamination, constantly needing certainty, overthinking relationships, replaying memories, and convincing myself my feelings mean something bad could all be OCD. I spent years thinking I was just overly emotional, dramatic, or crazy. Finding out OCD can literally latch onto anything you love, fear, or care about was honestly the biggest shock for me.
Sleep
“All of the above” 😂
lol THIS.
@Carter Eggleton Yeah… this chat feels like I’ve finally found my people lol
The concept of emotional contamination. And looking back realizing how many things in life I had that with
@Scaredycat Carole What's emotional contamination and do you have an example of how that showed up for you? (only if you want to share)
@Coati From what I’ve learned it’s like when something bad or something that triggers your ocd happens while you’re with someone or wearing something etc. and then you feel that person or thing is contaminated so you stop seeing them or get rid of the thing. I felt someone in my life was like that so I wouldn’t keep anything from them in my home. And ended up throwing out a lot of things I actually really liked all bc my ocd told me it had their bad energy on it. I think there’s lots of ways it can show up though.
THIS!
@Coati Seconding what Carole said, and for me it’s also “I can’t listen to X music while doing X or else they will both be permanently linked/changed” types of things, being *very* particular when it came to picking colors/numbers for extremely mundane things (because I wanted to create the right associations and avoid the wrong ones), not wanting to engage in something while feeling a certain way for fear that I’ll forever “contaminate/stain” it with that feeling, not wanting to think certain things while in a certain place/doing a certain thing/talking to a specific person because I thought they would permanently be contaminated if I did, and others - if you have any questions feel free to ask them!
@qualia Yeah I did that as a kid
I get obsessed with trying to figure out who I am so I often ask people who I would be in different Fandom to get a feel for how they perceive me! It's crazy how widespread OCD can be! Sending love and support!
I never understood why I repeat conversations I’ve had with people over and over out loud when iam by myself it makes me feel crazy
@Rose_raz I had something similar!
I'm genuinely just now realizing that most of my life has been run through an OCD lens for
Fear of choking and anaphylaxis accompanied by intense psychosomatic symptoms
The number of thoughts that I have that are compulsions! I had no idea before I was diagnosed.
Ruminating or intentionally triggering myself to see if the event was actually harmful to me
Making me fearful of my own existence, like the fear you feel when thinking about infinity. Therapy is helping! Healing takes time.
That I am 39 years old, diagnosed about 4 years ago with OCD and ADHD, and realizing that I may have had this my entire life, and not recognized it. I served in the military without issue, went through college with mild issues or building anxieties, and now in my married/professional life dealing with OCD like a boxing match. I believe the pandemic exacerbated my symptoms and triggered it full. Now it lives in the form of health fears, ROCD, HOCD, and constant obsession/rumination.
I'm going through the same thing. It's like it built and built slowly, and my family has a hard time understanding why it's so hard for me now when it wasn't before. I'm also realizing that I think I've had this my entire life, but never realized it because my compulsions are mostly mental or pretty invisible to others.
@Anonymous At least we are not alone in this. One thing I turn to is my Christian faith. It definitely helps me to pray and consume that kind of content.
Thinking that every time I exert energy my heart will explode. My brain can’t rationalize that heart rate goes up when I exercise, apparently.
@SeriousWasp The fear response shuts down the logic part of your brain, so that makes a lot of sense.
My house is tore apart due to remodel and I'm known to be a obsessive cleaner. I have just come to realize I have OCD because my intrusive thoughts about my wife leaving me or having no interest in me anymore I have been going insane with the obsessive thoughts of this. I just talked to her last night about it I'm so ashamed of these thoughts.
It can impact things as seemingly small as the way people play video games. Making them want to find every secret and complete the game 100%. So much of OCD is about loving 100% chances…and hating anything under 100% chances.
It’s always avoidance for me. I’ll just wake up one day and be like ooooooh that thing I’m avoiding is actually an ocd compulsion.
In my current relationship, I didn’t know it was a thing (ROCD) . I was fine until an unexpected bomb was revieled to me since then I have been a mess. I am learning how to deal with this mental illness.
The more I learn about OCD symptoms, the less surprised I get even when I hear or see obsession from myself or others that seem really out there. As I recover, I have genuinely been amazed to discover you have freedom of speech in your mind. You can think anything and no one can come get you in trouble for it. It's just a thought.
It is so hard, when your head tells you no to do the compulsion but the body goes for it. And you tell yourself ok this is the last time, after I clean this I will be done, but then something brushes of on you, or something falls on the floor and the cycles starts all over again, to the point you wont hold your child afraid of passing a germ and then your child passing it along, just because what if? 🥹
My personality I realized most of my personality is coping skills for ocd
I realized that often I’m not tackling cleaning up things that fell behind because I’m convinced it will be a horror film of bugs or sticky, or maybe my dog peed in the pile and I just can’t smell or feel the wet. So I have to find a balance between staying on top of cleaning without going too far when I do it AND not ignoring something that fell behind for too long because of the same fears that can cause me to over clean. Not sure that even makes sense, it does to me at least.
Thinking I did or said something bad and having to replay conversations in my head or ask other people what I did or said
It’s hard when I just realized that most of my personality and negative coping skills and emotional dysregulation were from undiagnosed OCD. I am 31 and realizing how many opportunities were missed and relationships ruined from my inability to cope with this disease. I still am working on forgiving myself for those I hurt (including myself) along the way.
I learned recently I cannot watch horror movies at all, they trigger me so bad and I become extremely paranoid afterwards, feeling like I’m being watched or that there’s someone in my house waiting to get me. It affects me to the point where I can’t get out of bed at night to use the bathroom because I’m so terrified to leave my room/bed. And I can’t fall asleep until i have stayed up long enough to where I am absolutely exhausted and can’t stay awake any longer, then I will wake up scared several times throughout the night needing to look around my room because I feel like, again, I’m being watched and need to stay on guard. I watched this movie about 3weeks ago and the night I watched it i had a full on episode, I had to sleep at my bfs house because I couldn’t be alone and I was hyperventilating and convinced I was seeing things out the corner of my eyes. And I am still dealing with the effects of it now. It’s gotten a lot better but it’s definitely still present and mostly effecting my sleep big time.
I used to call it “A to B syndrome “ I must do A and then B. If I can’t - I refuse to do B then A. Even if it’s easier, faster. Whatever. It’s A to B.
The checking. Omg. The checking. Checking my body. Checking my thoughts. Checking my memory. Checking old text threads. Checking. Checking. Checking. ✅
Calling in sick a lot in the past so I could buy diaries!
It makes me sick… like actually sick. I’ll have anxiety attacks then get sick after
Mine showed up with multiple physical ailments. Tightness in my chest, my eyes felt like they were straining all the time. Long story short, I got a physical and a eye exam and both things were perfectly fine. I remember I got the phone call from my Primary care doctor and she said all my test results came back negative. It was all in my head. In hindsight, I had a few traumatic things happening at the same time. I think my OCD was born from trauma.
Ngl I haven't been in therapy for years got diagnosed with OCD and some other stuff so the therapist wasn't just focused on OCD I'm kinda realizing that maybe the depression and anxiety weren't just that but actually OCD indisguise as parts of that
can’t sleep at night, i used to always be out but now i don’t want to leave my parents house i spend all day there because being in my own place is when i get too many thoughts. i only come home to sleep basically and i hate that. i want to enjoy my home and go out again.
Got me addicted to porn and caused me to ruin my partners mental health too
Having a hard time driving
Making me think i was abused as a child
During exams, I take too much time to recheck my answers even though they are correct, so hard felling.
I plan on getting pregnant later this year and I’m having a ton of OCD surrounding being pregnant. I never thought my OCD would come up in this way. I’m working through it in therapy. If you’ve dealt with this, please give me some tips.
Persistent intrusive thoughts
False memories :(
@Amy12 If you don’t mind sharing, how do you know if they are false memories? I know I’ve had a few false memories, but then I will bring something random up to my (narcissistic) mom and she will get angry and tell me I made it up. In my heart, I know it’s something that happened, but her responses scare me. I’ve noticed she only does it when she doesn’t like the story I told because it might reflect badly on her. But idk anymore.
Mine was recently triggered by a break up and my dog getting sick. 😞
My current theme happened because of a dream that I had. I had no idea OCD could be this debilitating.
I've had that same thing happen to me! So nice to hear we're not alone, y'know?
My OCD takes over a lot of aspects of my motherhood, making me think I’m not good enough or I’m doing things wrong and/or I’m going to “ruin” my children.
I used to clean light switches. I used to clean everything with Rubbing alcohol. I’d even straighten the tissue coming out of the tissue box
Constant insomnia that caused intrusive thoughts and being overly tired and angry
Actually OCD showed up when I was an itty bitty baby and I would pull my hair out in a very certain spot I then had a bald spot for a year or so 😂
I got stuck in a riptide, a couple summers ago and got trauma and a lot of anxiety around the ocean and brought new OCD obsessions Into my life
Rel
Watching a video on Facebook.
summer school started it for me😭
Health and relationship anxiety
The most unexpected? Everything. Didn’t anticipate 6 years ago that OCD would take over every bit of my life
suicidal intrusive thoughts and just thoughts in general that hid itself behind depression
Making me believe I ran over someone without noticing even though I obviously know I did not
I recently had this really unusual thought for my OCD. I just got back from vacation and my OCD told me that I was in a new dimension or something like that. It was probably just because it always is a little weird to get back from vacation but my OCD made it worse. I started to freak out so I looked at photos from a little before vacation to convince myself that I wasn’t in a new dimension. I know that is a compulsion but in the moment I felt like I had to do it. Today I know that my vacation did NOT send me to a new dimension , but now my OCD is telling me my cat, Mack, is actually became or changed into a Different cat. All of these intrusive thoughts seem so insane and new to me. So yeah they were REALLY unexpected.
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