So since I got asked to share my ROCD story I figured I would for my peeps out there for some encouragement. So growing up I was a romance fanatic and always loved the idea of falling in love with a boy and getting married, etc. I’m a hopeless romantic is basically what I am/was ?, I dated a boy from being 8-13 and he was all I knew for so long and ya girl was INFATUATEDDD. It ended on good terms but after that it was my first heartbreak bc I had known him for most of my childhood and also bc I was attached to him bc of this. So 9 months later I’m moving on and I’m getting cute lil crushes on boys still doing the do and I met my boyfriend in 8th grade PE and we slowly began to like each other until we admitted we liked one another to one of our best friends. So fast forward about 3-4 months and stuff is fine and I feel like I’m falling in love with him, at this point we’re both 14 and had been dating for about 3-4 months like I mentioned. I was enjoying everything about us and things were fine until one day I felt kinda off and had my first intrusive thought which was “what if I lose feelings for him?” So this started the ocd cycle, I’d write love notes for reassurance, I cried myself to sleep bc I had all these intrusive urges and awful thoughts. It was quite hard to grasp at the time, I do remember scrolling around on the internet one day and stumbling upon articles for ROCD. I clicked on it and realized I had it. It all made sense. So my mindset was “okay, let’s recover so I can love him again” which is a fairly decent mindset ?. But I didn’t know how to deal with it. I struggled with this on and off for 2 months until HOCD came. I just walked into my kitchen and got a random intrusive thought of me playing with Barbie dolls and making the two girls kiss, it was like when I was in elementary school. So I had the thought of “did I turn gay or am I gay?” It was something like that and it began, I realized within the same day I had HOCD bc I remembered an article being written about it on the same website as ROCD. So again I’ve battled this for a long time. The summer and everything made it awful, I used to lie about my age when telling people about my ROCD bc you never see people who are 14 with it, I didn’t wanna hear “you guys will break up anyway, high school relationships don’t last only 2% last” etc etc. I now know I can’t rely on statistics to make my relationship work bc I used to worry about that all the time. ROCD and HOCD recovery is difficult bc love and sexuality are weird. It’s not that difficult to grasp, but weird. I’m gaining more of who I am back after god damn years of this hell. And my boy and I are gonna move in together when we save up enough money for an apartment. I now know that love is so much more than infatuation and butterflies , it’s in the actions you take and the stuff you do. Love is something you create with another person. And with sexuality, the stuff I worried about that I thought “made me gay” or “proved” anything was merely me being a kid and letting my sexual mind develop/curiosities. Currently my boyfriend and I are happy but we have fights like any other couple. Anyway for ROCD don’t let the ocd take you away from your love, you will get your life and your love back, I promise ❤️❤️. And with HOCD do not give up. You will get your sense of self back.