A letter about love from author Haley Jakobson

Dear NOCD Community, If your feeds look anything like mine right now, you might be receiving a lot of messaging about authentic love and living your truth. But if you have OCD, those messages can feel anything but comforting. Some people might be wondering: How can I feel proud of living authentically if I don't even know who I am, or what I want from love? OCD can do that—make you doubt your identity, your relationships, everything that matters most to you. And if you're struggling with that right now, you are SO not alone. I write an advice column every Wednesday, and I'm inundated with questions about love: relationships, or situationships, or sexuality concerns, or how to navigate the crush on the coworker you've talked to exactly three times. The truth is we're culturally *obsessed* with love—it's a goal, a hobby, social currency, a prophecy, a purpose. And when that obsession is so deeply encouraged by society, those of us with OCD are set up to royally fail. I was diagnosed with Relationship OCD (ROCD) five years ago. I know. OCD latches onto what we most value—and what society most values—then tries to gain certainty around it through compulsion. For months I was at the whim of a warzone in my mind: nonstop thought loops, late-night Google spirals, messaging strangers when I'd exhausted everyone who actually knew me. I was scouring my body and brain for the "right" feelings, while barely showing up in my actual relationship. My obsessions kept me awake at night and then found me in my dreams, waking me up in a cold sweat with my heart beating out of my chest. I was so wracked with guilt and shame, punishing myself for being so ungrateful for the love I had. And then, right when I was about to pull the plug on the best relationship I'd ever had, a random YouTube video popped up about relationship OCD. It was the biggest aha moment of my life. Read Haley’s full letter: https://www.treatmyocd.com/blog/i-write-about-love-for-a-living-heres-how-i-tackled-my-rocd

AspiringMess

Date posted: 5d

Thank you! I read the whole thing. I learned that OCD targets what you and/or society value. I value being a 'fully functional human being and model citizen'. I also learned that OCD likes dramatic 'headline making' what-ifs. I always wondered why paedophilia was a recurring theme in OCD and now I know.

Vidi

User type: OCD Conqueror

Date posted: 5d

@AspiringMess This is soooo true it’s always the most dramatic bullshit story

Ghost444

Date posted: 4d

I haven’t been diagnosed with ROCD officially, (yet), but I absolutely feel it etched into my soul. I’m only a year into my OCD diagnosis and I’m still struggling to stay afloat. This popped up right as I’m struggling with it.

RubyHoshino

Date posted: 5d

I think I have ROCD too. I was never diagnosed but I have all the signs of it such as constantly searching for answers about my relationship on Google, keeping me awake like it is now, tirelessly asking if I love him I can almost guarantee I have it. It is so tiresome

Dereksgirl27

Date posted: Yesterday

've been trying to understand myself for a long time, and the more I pay attention to the way my mind works, the more I believe I may have OCD. I'm not trying to diagnose myself. I just want people to understand why I feel this way and why I think it's important to be evaluated by a professional. For me, it's much more than just liking things clean. I feel an overwhelming need for things to be in a certain place and done a certain way. My countertops have to be clear, my bed has to be made, and everything has to feel organized. If it isn't, it doesn't just bother me—it stays on my mind constantly. It's like my brain won't let it go. When things are out of place or my surroundings are messy, I become extremely anxious and uncomfortable. I can't relax, and sometimes I can't even sleep because all I can think about is what needs to be cleaned, organized, or fixed. Even if I try to ignore it, those thoughts don't go away. They keep coming back until I finally do something about them. These feelings affect my daily life. They take up a lot of my time and mental energy, and they can make it difficult to focus on anything else. Sometimes I feel frustrated because I know other people may not understand why something that seems so small to them feels so overwhelming to me. I'm not looking for attention or trying to make excuses for anything. I'm simply trying to understand why my mind works the way it does. If this is OCD, I want to know so I can learn how to manage it and improve my quality of life. If it isn't OCD, then I still want answers because I know what I'm experiencing is real, and I want to better understand myself. My goal is to get evaluated by a qualified professional who can help determine what's going on. More than anything, I want people to know that I'm not choosing to feel this way. I'm trying to understand it, and I'm trying to get the help I need. If you'd like, I can also make it more emotional and personal so it sounds even more like you.

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