Reaching out again

Oh this has got to be so, so hard. Sending you virtual hugs. I can see how hard you’re working and I’m rooting for you. As for whether to share your feelings with your partner, I don’t know all the details of the agreement you both made and the conditions of going no contact. But I wonder if the urgency to share your feelings may be a compulsion to quell the anxiety of being apart for so long. I ask as a genuine question for you to ponder, not as an accusation or anything. If it’s merely the suppression that is distressing, maybe you could write out your feelings as a letter (or multiple) without actually sending them. Once the summer is over and you’re both in contact again, you can decide whether to actually give them the letters or not. But it’s mostly just to kind of get your feelings out in a way that feels direct without actually breaking no contact. But I think if you do decide to reach out to them, it might be best to keep it as a general check in (without sharing your feelings) to see if they are open to discussing things or if they still want to continue as planned. That way they can make that choice without pressure or influence. It also would show that even though you’ve already had enough time to process, that you also respect their wishes and needs to give them the space they need. Wishing you the best!

This sounds really similar to what I went through with my ex boyfriend of 4 years. I have relationship OCD and anxious attachment, if you want to talk you can message me I can give my insight

Also, sorry if there’s spelling mistakes or anything grammar wise, that doesn’t make sense. I used voice to text because I didn’t feel like typing out this long paragraph. Thanks again all!

This is super hard so be kind to yourself. It does sound like OCD is driving the urge to “fix it” and “figure it out” when there is nothing to do right now besides take care of yourself and manage your OCD. It sounds like your partner needs a break (maybe because OCD wears everyone out around it, maybe not) so respect their need for space and wait till the end of the summer. What’s a way you’d want to spend your time this summer solo if you didn’t have OCD?

Sorry you’re going through this. One thing that majorly stands out to me: Just because you adhere to the no contact period and you guys reconnect, doesn’t mean you’re not dependent on him. This is especially so as it’s eating away at you. Also, I’m going to be real with you: I don’t know the context of things, but a no contact period / break thing feels really off, there are better ways to establish boundaries than withholding contact. especially when you’ve been together for 6 years and are doing so at a difficult point with your mental health + for multiple months. I’ve been at the receiving end of something similar for the past 6 months, with a former friend whom I had an extended talking stage with. Again, I don’t know your situation so take this with a grain of salt. It just feels off. I hope you talked to your partner about what a break means and looks like. I really hope things work out for the greater good and it sucks that you’re going through this, it makes me mad because I relate as much as I can in my specific situation and to be honest this whole situation he has set up is toxic. That does NOT mean he himself is toxic, or a bad person, but a really unproductive way of dealing with things and somewhat counterintuitive. You are perfectly valid in feeling the way you’re feeling. I’m here if you need anything, sometimes I lag though as I don’t have notifications enabled but I routine the app several times a week, but sometimes i take periods off if im not in any discussions with anyone I suggest surrounding yourself with good friends and keeping busy.