how to get out of this moral loop?

i’m a person that values a lot in everyone else’s opinion, so when i do something wrong (or have done something wrong before,) i have trouble forgiving myself. i can never confidently forgive myself, because there will always be someone out there that wouldn't forgive me if they knew of the bad things that i’ve done. all of my friends are very forgiving, but the internet and cancel culture has done seemingly permanent damage to how i perceive messing up, especially with mistakes that i’ve made as a result of sexual trauma. i’m always stuck in an ocd loop of “someone out there would never forgive you,” and it makes me want to get out of everyone’s way, which causes intense depression and isolation. i don’t want to ruin anything for them when they find out i’m a “bad person.” most of my friends that i’ve told about my past mistakes have ocd themselves, so i always feel like if i told any “normal” person about what i’ve done, they would be disgusted and stop interacting with me. how do i accept that some people would still think i’m a bad person if i were to confess the things i’ve done when i was younger?

simpson578

Date posted: 12h

Dealing with this currently it’s horrific so I unfortunately can’t offer much good advice but I hope you can take a small comfort in the fact that your not alone

anon7336474864

Date posted: 35m

thank you! i really think that one of the biggest factors in getting better will be time, which is the hardest thing to accept. but if there’s anything i learn that will help me with my journey, i’ll definitely post about it in the future. good luck to you, we’re not alone ❤️

lynne222

Date posted: 15h

i think maybe it’s just reminding yourself that you will be okay either way! do you have any favorite celebrities? they’ve probably done something “wrong” to the public eye but yet they are still loved! also there are people who have done way worse than you i am sure and have been forgiven. to help it i feel like what would really work is being okay and comfortable or trying to be with the fact that yes you have done something wrong, you don’t have to tell yourself it’s okay that you did it but that we are human and everyone does stuff that is wrong. just learning to live with it, forgive yourself but remind yourself that you are who you are and that you can continue to grow and change and that in a way is you being a better person - one who is deserving of forgiveness from yourself. would you forgive your friends if they did what you did? if the answer is yes, grant yourself grace

anon7336474864

Date posted: 15h

i would probably forgive someone for being mean, or making an insensitive comment, if they apologize. my problem is that the themes of my mistakes are related searching and consuming content of taboo themes because of my exposure to it online when i was a child. everyone who has made a mistake based on a situation relating to these themes have very make or break stories, and every detail is important to me on if i forgive them or not. the issue is that i see people not forgiving others for similar mistakes almost every day on the internet, and it makes me question myself. i would forgive my friends, but it’s harder to know what the public, or even my family would think of me. i always wonder with celebrities about the themes of my mistakes and how the public would react, but it’s so fragile in the way that it depends on age, maturity, and trauma. i have huge issues with forgiving myself because in some situations where i looked up this terrible content i absolutely knew better and was very publicly progressive, even at 12-14 years old. i always end up comparing myself to internet celebrities, because i used to have a dream of being one, and i know how so many of those people have been outed for being creeps. i always wonder about if i would be “cancelled” (for lack of a better term) for that, too

lynne222

Date posted: 14h

@anon7336474864 i understand! it sounds like something i would discuss personally with a therapist as i feel like they would better understand. i understand what you’re saying and where you are coming from with everything. i think this is a battle that you will have to face on your own and learn to deal with whether you can forgive yourself or not that is up to you. i wish for your mental to become better over this and i hope you can find closure for what you are discussing in a way that fits for you.

anon7336474864

Date posted: 14h

@lynne222 - i’m getting a therapist soon, but she doesn’t deal with ocd, so i’ll see how it works out. thank you for your support!

lynne222

Date posted: 14h

@anon7336474864 she doesn’t deal with ocd?? or you mean isn’t specialized in it?

anon7336474864

Date posted: 14h

@lynne222 - it’s not listed in her specialties when you look her up on any sort of website to find therapists, but she was one of the only ones that at least work with sexual trauma adn did in-person meetings in my area, so i just took what i could find. if it doesn’t work out, i’ll try to find one more knowledgable on ocd

lynne222

Date posted: 14h

@anon7336474864 i hope it helps

anon7336474864

Date posted: 14h

@lynne222 - thanks!

Anonymous

Date posted: 4h

Im going through the same thing its so hard it just makes living unbearable

Kim27

Date posted: 8h

God loves you just the way you are and will forgive you. That's why He sent his son Jesus. He knows all about you and loves you just the same

Be a part of the largest OCD Community

Share your thoughts so the Community can respond