How do I stop?

My partner and I had an argument, she said “I don’t want to talk right now so don’t bother FaceTiming me on break” so now again my head is accusing her of cheating because she’s not FaceTiming, and I’m constantly checking her location all day to see if she leaves the house to cheat or whatever. I don’t get it, is everyone like this when they have normal arguments with their partner. It wasn’t a big bad argument, but I just don’t get it. Then later today I’ll go home, full of anxiety, still bitter about the argument and if I bring it up to her that I’m a weird insecure man and was worried she’ll cheat, she’ll get defensive and see it as an attack, then we’ll have another argument. And I just don’t want that, so I’ll keep it to myself. But how do I stop being so obsessed at checking? And even if I stop checking, what if I miss it? And she just gets away with it? She tells me she wouldn’t, and I just want to believe that without my brain being like this. I just can’t cope, doesn’t matter how good or bad things are between us, I’m always checking if my brain tells me I should.

recoveryisne...

Date posted: 5w

i’ve had thoughts like this before too. You have to realise that it is out of your control what she does, and the only thing you can do is trust her and trust that she wouldn’t do that to you. Reminding yourself that it’s probably just your OCD flaring with regard to moments like this is a good way to understand that the worry is not rational, even though it feels like it. Its so hard though!!

Dannyr

Date posted: 5w

@recoveryisneverlinear Yeah that’s what I try to do, I tell myself it’s just OCD but OCD is loud so it’s hard to push it away for long.

recoveryisne...

Date posted: 5w

@Dannyr I understand- maybe pushing it away isn’t the best way. My therapist told me about something called ‘Pink Elephant Theory’ which is basically where: If someone tells you NOT to think of a pink elephant… what do you immediately think of, even though you’re trying not to? A pink elephant. The same applies here, if you try to ‘push away’ the discomfort, it will come back louder and more difficult to deal with. It is super hard at first- but you have to acknowledge and accept the way you are feeling, until it doesn’t evoke the same response anymore. I hope you feel better about this soon !

[Deleted]

Date posted: 5w

Comment deleted by user

Dannyr

Date posted: 5w

@nm1234 Yea I suppose. I guess I’m just scared of there being a future where I trust and then find out I wasted years just to get betrayed. But yeah, I guess there’s not much I can do about that.

mccool

Date posted: 2d

i literally understand how you’re feeling with every cell in my body i NEVER knew this was ocd but i’ve been going through the exact same thing you’re not alone in these thoughts

Dannyr

Date posted: 20h

@mccool It’s so stressful, it’s like every bump in the relationship looks like it’s going to turn into the worst possible ending to it.

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