am i the only one like this ?

ik this is tmi. but i feel like i cant have a regular sex life or do my thing alone cuz my ocd makes me get mental images and i feel so disgusted to do it. or even if i get mental images before or just having intrusive thoughts the whole day, then i get some of the arousal non concordance, and since i can feel it down there i feel like i need to let that feeling down there out but i dont wanna yk do the thing cuz it feels wrong. or if i get the intrusive thoughts and images and try to forget and move on, then i see something that can get me in the normal mood after and i feel guilty. idk what to do cuz if i get those groinal responses I want to just not feel it down there cause it can accumulate and I just wanna let it out but if I just have those responses because it’s constant throughout the day, I feel like I struggle, but then sometimes I just forget and then I can see something that’s normal and like normal porn and I can get in the mood and then I just wanna let it out but I feel wrong and I don’t know what to do. It just feels disgusting. And I just feel like I get those responses down there a lot or I just feel like I have to wait for it because like I can feel it coming, but then sometimes it doesn’t or I don’t know if I just overthink too much and what scares me the most is like what if my thoughts are really true and what if my responses down there are constant because I like it and what if these thoughts that tell me they wanna like it are true like I don’t know what to do anymore like it’s just haunting me because I don’t want to like it and I don’t wanna be into that cause I’m not. I’m sorry , I don’t want to seem weird or too much, I just struggle alone too much. My loved ones wouldn’t understand and they will probably view me as disgusting. I feel disgusting. I just need advice or someone to relate to. Thank you for reading.

floatingalien

Date posted: 16h

Thank you so much for opening up and sharing this. Please know that you are not weird, you are not too much, and you are absolutely not alone. What you are describing is a textbook manifestation of OCD, and so many people in this community know exactly how exhausting and terrifying this feels. Groinal responses are a reflex. A physiological response down there is just automatic blood flow. The body reacts to the presence of a sexual concept, even an unwanted one. It does not mean you desire it or like it. Arousal non concordance is real. Your mind and body can completely disagree. Your body reacting to an intrusive thought is a sign that your brain is hyper focused on it out of fear, not pleasure. The 'What If' is just OCD. OCD loves to twist your values against you. The fact that these thoughts haunt you and make you feel disgusted is the absolute proof that they go against who you truly are. If you actually liked it, it wouldn't cause you this much suffering. Normal desire is allowed. Feeling guilty for getting into a normal mood later is also the OCD trying to trick you. You are allowed to have a normal sex life and normal desires, even if your brain was throwing junk data at you earlier in the day. You do not have to figure out if the thoughts are 'true'. Trying to solve that riddle is exactly what keeps the OCD cycle going. Be incredibly gentle with yourself today. You are a good person dealing with a very loud medical condition. 🙂‍↕️

444_azi

Date posted: 16h

@floatingalien thank you sm i rlly mean it ! 🤍

Mercury75

Date posted: 16h

Getting unwanted mental images or intrusive thoughts during sexual activities is really common with OCD. So is arousal non-concordance. It's not bad to have an unwanted thought or feeling, and having these thoughts and feelings doesn't say anything about you as a person. Your brain is just being a jerk. Even people without OCD experience things like this, but they're able to brush it off and move on. That's the goal of OCD treatment, to not feel like we need to analyze and figure out the meaning behind all our thoughts and feelings.

444_azi

Date posted: 16h

@Mercury75 thank u so much, its difficult but ur right!

444_azi

Date posted: 17h

And just some like backstory on just wanting to let it out after arousal non-concordance, I just don’t wanna be feeling the like groinal response cause for me. It stays there in my body and I could feel it and I just feel disgusting and I just wanna let it out like I just don’t wanna feel that anymore, but it feels so wrong. I just don’t know how to describe it and when I mean, I can feel it coming. It’s like if I overthink then like I start like again getting intrusive thoughts and then I feel like my body’s gonna react that’s what I mean just so no one gets the wrong idea again I’m sorry if this is too much

444_azi

Date posted: 17h

Oh, and I don’t do it right after I get the intrusive thoughts. when I get the feeling down there, it can just keep happening cause I get mental images. It doesn’t happen every single time but when I overthink a lot and when I have anxiety, it just happens and they can accumulate and that’s why I just feel uncomfortable with my body and that’s how I just can describe it or I just want to let out the feeling of it being there if that makes sense and I just feel like it’s just wrong in general and I feel nasty that’s like as best as I can describe it.

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