Pls give any advice, I have nobody to confide in

I’ve always had OCD surrounding how I feel about other guys, if I like anyone else than the guy I’m with, etc. I thought him breaking up with me would finally make my life easier… now it’s ten times worse. Now and then he calls me, asks to hook up, or even just talk about our current feelings or lives, and I feel horrible. I’m not used to this kind of situation, he was essentially my first for a lot of things, and I’ve never even slept with anyone else let alone outside of a relationship. Now I’m confused because I’ve been noticing other guys/looking at them or talking to them for attention, so if my ex asks to hook up just for fun I feel SO guilty. It feels like I’m cheating on the guy that left me… I don’t know what to do, I miss him, I hate him, I love him, I can’t stand him. It’s so weird. my friends hate him so I can’t admit that I’ve been answering his calls like a stupid easy girl. my family still loves him, and it’s like the opposing ends are genuinely tearing me apart. I also have a current obsession around how I felt about his bsf. I liked him YEARS ago in high school for like literally a week and freaked out when I found out they were friends bc I was scared from my OCD theme. I always thought he was cool and wanted him to think I was cool, but to a degree where I felt I had some sort of “secret” when my ex would bring him up. Like oh, he doesn’t know how I feel about this friend.. I just feel like sh’t no matter what these days. I don’t know where to even begin to fix things. I want to reach out to him so bad, but my thoughts are literally hurting me physically.

Rae226

Date posted: Yesterday

Now take what I say with a grain of salt, given I've never been in a relationship, but this all sounds pretty normal. If youre not in a relationship with him anymore, you are not committed to him and are allowed to be interested in other guys. And you are most certainly not obligated to hook up with your ex (or anyone for that matter, you have the right to your own body). It sounds like maybe you're still getting over him so that might be the cause of your confliction? And if you're finding yourself going from guy to guy looking for attention, it might be a good idea to take a break from relationships to figure out what you truly want in a potential husband. Of course, I don't know anything about you, but I hope this reassures and helps you figure things out.

🧚🏼‍♀️💫🥸

Date posted: Yesterday

I’m going to be a big sister for a second.. because I genuinely care about you and I have seen too many girls in this situation to not say anything. I want you to flourish. He broke up with you, does not want commitment but wants to get to pick and choose what he can get from you. This is where YOUR priorities and choices come in. do you want to have access to him as well, and let him have access to you? Although, if he is the one mostly calling to hook up , and is the one who broke things off officially, I don’t believe this is hurting him as much as it is hurting you. And from the words you’ve chose “I’ve been answering his calls like a stupid girl” it seems like you know the wise thing to do for your own wellbeing (because you are in fact, smart.) and seems like your priorities lean towards getting over him. That would be painful now.. and maybe for a while. But that type of pain is part of a healing process. Do you want healing pains..that result in releasing yourself from him (which you prob would be totally okay and content without him when you are healed) Or do you want pain that keeps you in this loop and yes you see him and it can have good feelings here and there but honestly doesn’t guarantee his staying either..because he seems to do whatever he wants and can decide that he’s done again. YOU have power YOU have control You are NOT a stupid girl and pleaseeee make this choice for yourself. My family loves my ex too, you don’t have to keep people in YOUR life for your family’s approval especially if it is hurting you physically. And please feel free to talk about this more w me if you feel you need to

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