From shame to self-love: AMA with Albert Aguilar

Hi identikit! Fair enough! ERP can be extremely challenging. I remember starting and thinking, "wow, I don't know if I can get through this" but then I told myself "ok, Albert, this is a minor blip in your life, once you gain the tools you need, you'll be able to take on anything that comes your way" and that really helped! Being your own cheerleader is key! It also helps that my therapist here at NOCD has my back and allows me to work at a pace that works for me! Thanks for your question! :)

Great question!!! I'd say, I wish somebody told me I wasn't alone. I felt like I was on a deserted island. I didn't know how to approach OCD because I didn't know anybody with OCD. That all changed when I started talking about my feelings and the way OCD impacts my life. Also to be kind to myself, especially in moments of extreme stress. Progress is not linear and a hard moment does not define me. Thanks for your question! :)

@albertalexander Terminally unique is my term for these feelings. Hard to believe I wasn’t alone

Hi Mercury75! One of my favorite planets! :) I've spent 30 years feeling shame for the way I felt. I learned that shame is a wasted emotion. I wasn't getting anything out of it. I was stuck. When I was hospitalized, I stayed in my room reading most of the time and then I realized: I'm not getting anything out of this either. That's when I ventured out and started talking to other patients about their experiences and I thought, "wow, maybe I can make a difference."

@albertalexander I like that, thanks for taking the time to respond :)

@Mercury75 - Of course!!! Have a lovely day!

Dooby, thanks so much for sharing. That is amazing!!! I am so proud of you for taking that step and leaving home, even if it's not that far. Intrusive thoughts are really rough- they tend to go against everything we believe in as people. Are you seeing an ERP therapist here at NOCD?

ROCD can be brutal, especially when other disorders are also showing up as well. I'm not a therapist, but I think my biggest piece of advice is to be kind to yourself and understand that OCD is a huge bully and it attacks the things we care about the most. I am so sorry you are struggling. Are you seeing a therapist currently?

Hi heathcliff1! Oh wow, I relate! I'm a big believer in grounding myself- naming 5 things I can see, 4 i can physically feel, 3 things I can hear, 2 I can smell and I I can taste. I used to think it was silly, but it works. Also, breathing. It sounds simple, but focusing on my breathing does wonders. It reminds me I am human. Keep breathing, heathcliff1, you've got this.

@albertalexander Thank you so much!! I will definitely try this!!

Hi Ant_Baez! Great username! Oh boy, OCD definitely impacted the way I showed up as a young queer boy. I was always hyper aware of the way I showed up- was I being too gay? Is my voice to high? Will that person think I'm too much? Am I standing 'straight'? All of these things impacted the way I showed up in the world and it was exhausting! At the time, nobody was talking about OCD, so I assumed it was just anxiety. Hindsight is always 20/20! I also struggled with a lot of body image issues in the queer community. My brain constantly told me there is only one way to be in the queer community, and that's simply not true! I was bullied a lot as a kid and OCD was always the biggest villain in my story. Sending love and light to YOU. Happy Pride :)

@albertalexander wow i wish we could talk even more. i related so hard. hopefully i can run into you more on here!

What a great question, 1eye! I relate to you! I'd take part in media I deemed 'safe' for me to enjoy. I thought that's how everyone moves through life, turns out...it's OCD! As far as how I realized I had OCD, I was hospitalized during a very manic moment in my life and my psych at the time DX me and suddenly, it all clicked. It wasn't 'just anxiety', it was OCD. That hospitalization was the darkest point in my life, but I'm so thankful it happened because it saved me and brought me here.

Hello again, Dooby! I feel you. I think something that really helped me with this particular issue is a quote from Lucille Ball of I Love Lucy: "...When I stopped being prisoner to what I worried was others’ opinions of me, I became more confident and free." Sending you so much light, friend :)

My therapist, Corine is so kind and works at a pace that works for me. I instantly felt safe and supported. She checks in on me every few days and it means the absolute world to me.

@albertalexander thank you 🙏🏽

Hi Elliett! Welcome to the NOCD family! So glad you're here! I think my biggest piece of advice is to be kind to yourself and to treat yourself is grace. I'm an intake agent here at NOCD and I do my best to take time for myself in between calls because if I'm not okay, the member's experience won't be okay. You are going to do great things here!

Primavera1627! Lovely username! I let go of shame when I realized how much I love myself. It seems simple and silly to type out, but that's when the real work started. I was so embarrassed to start ERP because it meant admitting how much my avoidance tendencies impacted my life. But once I started to work through exposures I realized shame has no place in my life. It also helped that our therapists here at NOCD are ROCKSTARS and always here to support me! :)

Hey there, Lagged :) I'm so sorry your partner is struggling, it's never easy to see someone we love hurting. Is your partner in treatment here at NOCD? If they are, I'd recommend our support groups here on the NOCD app. We also offer 411 Informational sessions for those wanting to learn more about how to support loved ones. I'm not a therapist by any means, but my biggest piece of advice is to practice self compassion and to be there when you can. Take care of yourself, friend. Sending love and light your way :)

I always say OCD and anxiety are besties and they LOVE to cause trouble when they show up together! Obsessions often provoke anxiety and compulsions and that often fuels anxiety...it's like a never ending cycle that's broken by proper Exposure and Response prevention. Are you seeing an ERP therapist with us? If not, I'd highly recommend!

Oh vv71737! Tell me about it! So many people are unaware of how awful and debilitating OCD can be! I use these opportunities as a way to educate! I was in an Uber once, and the driver asked about OCD he was completely unaware of the nuances (he thought OCD meant handwashing and checking things) - I was able to explain the different subtypes and he scheduled an intake call. He was so grateful and I think about him often. You never know when your voice and knowledge can save a life :) Keep spreading the word!

Hey there, I am so sorry to hear you are struggling. OCD is hard, especially ruminating thoughts that lead to spiraling. I try to catch my feelings early. This helps me to gently shift out of it. Redirecting is key. I usually spiral first thing in the morning, thinking about everything I have to do. At that point I'll get up and go about my daily tasks and go on a walk. I love going on walks and listening to a silly podcast. It's a change of scenery and there's something about hearing the voices of the podcast hosts that really helps me to ground myself. I still have the rest of the day to get through, but I know I'll always have my little walks in between stressful days at work! Also reminding myself that discomfort isn't danger- that doesn't mean that whatever you are going through isn't hard, it just means you don't have to fix it right away. Acknowledge that what's happening and let them pass on their own.

@albertalexander Thank you for that!

Hey there JaxkGill, I am so sorry you are struggling. It's so brave of you to reach out for help. There are many ways to deal with this, but I highly recommend reaching out to an OCD specialist here at NOCD. They can help you to recall the memory you are thinking of and avoid any mental compulsions. It might be a little scary or uncomfortable, but our therapists are well equipped to help out with these exact struggles. Sending light your way :) You got this!

Hello there fellow OCD Conqueror! Nope! You can join! Everyone is welcomed! :)

Hi Antonio! Oh wow, this sounds like me before ERP! I was late to work SOOOOO many times because I had to make sure my door was closed and locked. I had to check at least 7 or 8 times to get relief.

Hi Graheck! Thanks for your question! Ah, OCD is so complex, it's hard to tell what's going on, especially when we are in the thick of it. As far as fighting back, I named my OCD. Her name is Linda. I say "Hey Linda, I know you're there and that's great and all, but I do not have time for you today. I am going to go about my business and you can stick around, that's fine, but I am still going to do me." That tends to help me out a lot because I am able to acknowledge when Linda rears her ugly head and keep going.

@Anonymous Hi! You can ask a question here in the replies!