Curious

I was wondering if it’s just me or if anybody else can relate. Have you ever in the past before you found out that you had OCD would have intrusive say sexual thoughts and since you didn’t know about OCD and intrusive thoughts that made you think that it was real or that you really believed that and so there for you got gronial response which then turned into full arousal. And maybe you acted on that thought that you believed was real and say tried sexual stuff with same sex or by trying on certain items even outside your home and because you were already aroused and you thought it was real you continued to allow yourself to be relieved and as soon as you were relieved you felt disgusted and shame and guilty and just sick to your stomach that you did that but your intrusive thoughts allowed it to happen more than once by telling yourself maybe you did like it and you just want to pretend you didn’t or you got so bad in your head that you needed more and more intense stuff. And you even had same sex older person groomed you when you were a teenager?

Tyconia

User type: OCD Conqueror

Date posted: 13h

So, I've never been groomed, but I've had the other experiences you're describing. Be compassionate toward yourself and don't focus on the shame. Arousal and anxiety are a brutal and confusing mix. Our brains respond to sexual things even if we aren't necessarily aroused to them. At the same time, our brains are flexible and can learn to validate certain attractions over others. This isn't a problem, it's just a fact about our psychology. When thoughts come up, you don't have to decide if you like them or not, just recognize that they are a natural reaction that doesn't need to be addressed; then move on with your day. Over time, that reduces the duration of those thoughts. Also, if you were groomed in the past, I hope you are safe now. I won't be able to give you advice about how to deal with the aftermath of that because I have no experience with that

JustWantToBe...

Date posted: 13h

@Tyconia Thank you and yes I am safe now. I was actually groomed in highschool by an older man in the school that was on the staff and he actually groomed more than one boy and he would groomed you with lots of cash to come over there even with you not being 18. But still messes with me sometimes.

Tyconia

User type: OCD Conqueror

Date posted: 13h

@JustWantToBeBetter. I can see how that would bring up a lot of complicated feelings. Are you in therapy, or are there trustworthy people in your life you could confide in?

JustWantToBe...

Date posted: 11h

@Tyconia I confided in my wife and I actually start my first NOCD session in 45 minutes.

Tyconia

User type: OCD Conqueror

Date posted: 11h

@JustWantToBeBetter. I hope you have a great first session!

Anonymous

Date posted: 12h

I’ve had sexual thoughts or fantasies about things I would absolutely never want to happen in real life. But I guess the mind is a complicated thing. Our subconscious mind probably plays a big toll in things.. But I know it can be hard to accept and we blame ourselves because we don’t stop the thoughts when they present themselves. I wish I had an answer that would help you “move past” whatever you’re going through. But as we know, no one is ever going o have the right answer because we want 100% certainty which unfortunately doesn’t exist.

JustWantToBe...

Date posted: 11h

@Anonymous And me too but I would get so into my head that I would try them or really think about trying them and I would like them during it all because of the stimulation and it would feel great but as soon as I released it was like my mind would switch and I would feel nasty and I would turn the porn off or quite replying to the sexting or leave where I was at because I was just so turned off at myself.

FinallyAccep...

Date posted: 11h

I can say I’ve experienced everything but the grooming.

JustWantToBe...

Date posted: 9h

@FinallyAcceptedProbably It sucks because like I have said in some of the other comments I am not gay and don’t want to be gay. I am a married straight male but when I was getting those thoughts before I was married I would even go as far as to say meeting up with another male and wouldn’t have sex but would let them give me a hand j while I returned the same thing and it would feel really good and I would release very well but afterwards I would feel disgusted that I let another male touch me or that I touched another male or the fact that I actually released and would get out of there in a hurry but then later maybe even a year later I would say get turned on and didn’t have a woman to send me nudes so I would reach out to a guy because I know they would send photos easily and then would sext or video chat and watch each other and explain in detail sexual stuff that I would do that I wouldn’t actually ever do in real life and then same thing as soon as I released I felt nasty that I did that and would turn my phone off for awhile.

JustWantToBe...

Date posted: 9h

Like I haven’t in years but even with say gay porn. I would get turned on and I don’t think because I liked what I saw I think because I knew how good it was feeling for them because I know how good it feels when I self pleasure but my mind would go to thoughts like I like what he has or I like seeing what he has or I wonder what it would feel like to touch what he has but I know I don’t want it but would still finish and then feel nasty. But say when I watched straight porn as long as it wasn’t taboo then I could do it and when I was done I didn’t feel nasty.

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