What do I do???????

I feel so guilty. It’s so bad it’s like CONSUMING ME. I was dating a guy a bit ago and there were a few days where I kinda tested myself and imagined what it would be like dating someone else, and I felt “crush” feelings towards this guy when I thought of it. It became an intrusive thought after a bit, but when I imagined *doing things* with that guy I felt a certain way.. and for some reason, I wanted him like most others to think I was cool and liked showing off my life and relationship to him. When we broke up I decided to just let myself fall into these things and talk to/befriend the guys I liked the attention from (as bad as that sounds), so I snapped him and then immediately felt weird and deleted it. Now I’ll look back and almost think “haha yea, I had a crush on him!” And then I’m like WHAT NO I DIDNT??? What if I really did??? I’m a horrible person, I feel like I cheated, I really didn’t care much about this guy outside of those weird couple of days… even though my ex and I don’t talk anymore it still consumes me. Idk what to do

Tyconia

User type: OCD Conqueror

Date posted: Yesterday

Honestly, you've got to accept the uncertainty and move on since there's nothing you can do about it now. But also remember that attraction is a finicky feeling, especially if you're obsessing over it; your brain can latch onto any little thought or sensation and run with it, but you don't need to give it attention

JustAJesusLover

User type: OCD Conqueror

Date posted: Yesterday

RPMS!! maybe i liked him, maybe i didnt. I always like to say, the fact you are worrying about it goes to show that you aren’t a horrible person. this is not me trying to provide reassurance. I know the feeling of being consumed by these thoughts. rpms work so well with this. Remember, these thoughts are not your own. “Feelings aren’t always facts.” stay strong ♥️♥️♥️

titaniumonetwo

User type: OCD Conqueror

Date posted: Yesterday

Let's say you did like him or even do like him. Why would that be so terrible?

akspearl

Date posted: Yesterday

@titaniumonetwo I’m terrified that I cheated or something because I was always tormented with these thoughts. He blamed his mental health decline & his fall back into addiction on my bad thoughts. It’s a lot… idk. I know it’s not all my fault but the idea of me possibly liking someone else than the guy I’m dating at that time terrifies me

nomoreocd24

Date posted: Yesterday

@lililem I understand your predicament. You’re not necessarily wrong for having the thoughts, especially if unintentional, even during your relationship. It could’ve just been an indication you and your previous partner were not meant to be, who knows? But accept the uncertainty, maybe you were attracted to this other guy, maybe not. I don’t know the specifics of your situation, but regardless, sit with discomfort and, when things feel unbearable, still allow yourself a little happiness

titaniumonetwo

User type: OCD Conqueror

Date posted: Yesterday

@lililem Cheating is actions not thoughts. If it were thoughts literally everyone on the planet would be cheating. I tease a friend at work about his 'work girlfriend'. He's happily in a relationship, he'll almost surely marry the girl he's with but he definitely fancies the work girl a bit. He'd even say "maybe in a parallel universe...". I'm not trying to say this to reassure you but more to show you that your standards are impossible and while they stay there your OCD has an open goal to aim at. In your next relationship you will find other people attractive, you might even find parts of them you like more than your current partner. That doesn't make you evil. It makes you normal.

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