ROCD

I feel like now I’m constantly having doubts or something of whether my partner is the right one for me, or enough for me, or I feel attracted enough, or if I’m into it, or do I want more? you get the point. It’s hard being triggered by the media and TV too. And I know I have ROCD so that’s probably what’s going on but it’s still scary having moments where you’re not feeling it. But we are in a real human relationship!!!! I know it’s ok. And I love my partner. Idk it’s scary and then I constantly have other 20 things spiraling in my mind kinda like whack a mole as they’d say except it’s just all there. Like other scary concepts that I feel guilty about etc

Cat-Mom

Date posted: 16h

I had a lot of these thoughts for a while before they exploded into a breakdown with ROCD and SO OCD. The “do I really love him? I’m worried I’m not attracted to him. Is he the one? I had more fun out with friends tonight without him, this means I should leave him”. Incredibly frustrating when they start small and get louder and louder, because it makes them feel even more real! The media makes us think everything needs to be an explosion all the time. SUPER passionate and SUPER lovey, blah blah blah. What I’ve observed in the relationships closest to me (my mom and dad come to mind) that long term love often looks more like a best friend and confidant than anything else. All that’s to say, butterflies can leave or never be there to start. What matters to many people the most is they are with someone who makes them feel safe, loved, and respected. And you offer that person the same safety, love and respect. That doesn’t mean people don’t leave relationships in pursuit of something more “exciting”. But if you chase a dopamine hit in all your relationships, you do run the risk of being let down, I think. Love is a choice, and the media makes it look like it’s an easy one, but I don’t think it always is. Choosing to love is choosing to pour yourself into someone and accept that things might not work out. But we do it because we want a best friend to move through life with :)

Abba<3

Date posted: 14h

@Cat-Mom I totally agree—what Cat-Mom said seems to be spot on. One thing that has really helped me, in the past, is viewing relationships as “adventure partners” (a term my friend came up with). Because an adventure partner takes all of the social constructs out of the relationship. This is someone you care about, they bring your joy, and they’re someone you want to adventure with. As long as that statement is true, then the relationship is good! When that statement stops being true then it might be time to reconsider. And if you decide that the partnership no longer works, that’s okay, it just means that, at this time, adventuring with them is no longer feasible. Hopefully that is a concept that’s helpful to you. If not, totally ignore me. I’m super proud of you for putting in the time and hard work. Sending love your way!

Cat-Mom

Date posted: 13h

@Abba<3 This is a really cool way to think about it! And also important to remember that things won’t always be rosy- that’s why we’re here! Relationships get hard. When my fears have tried to convince me to walk away, I remind myself how healthy my relationship is and how my partner and I compliment each other so well. We make a great team, have the same values, and I admire and care for him so much.

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