My Experience

Hey everyone I want to feel safe sharing and not judged. I am diagnosed with both OCD and Schizoaffective disorder. I am dealing with persecutory delusions which is basically paranoia. For example, I feel paranoid around people. This occurs when I am outside in my neighborhood or any public place outside. I feel like I am being watched and judged at all times when I am walking. It feels like I am being monitored by people. I also have excessive fears of being mistreated by other people and it is extreme that it impacts my daily functioning and my behavior. For example, I isolate myself from everyone. I live alone. I am not working. I am not going to grad school anymore. I fear talking to people including phone calls. I have an upcoming phone call this 30th of June and I fear I will be mistreated. I really do believe people want to watch me and judge me and people are bad. I see evidence of it too including when a couple of people I spoke to in person said people these days have gotten "meaner" and I see posts online of people criticizing society. When I am outside in public people seem to mind their own business or act normally, but I think they watch me and judge me secretly the same way I look at others and make small judgements about them. I had to end a friendship recently because I think he was neglecting me by not even reaching out to me once per week like we agreed and he seemed nice and receptive. But I think it reveals how he is emotionally neglecting towards me by not being available. I also think he was secretly judging me or hiding judgements about me and loved me less now (he is a Christian who loves people) and so I told Rick about all this and I want to end communication with him and he simply said he will pray for me.