Word vomit speech to text vent

I don't know why I just need another human to hear or see this or whatever. I don't even need a response I just need to vent. I don't know anything and I don't know what I'm doing. I don't know I don't know I know that I'm I'm wrong and I'm right I know I'm just making up more excuses so I can blame myself I know I don't really have a good reason to treat myself with the lack of respect and care that I do but it's just confusing to feel like you don't have anyone to blame I have nothing to attack so I just want to attack myself and I feel like if I can't attack anything that I need that I'm just not doing anything about it I'm not fighting for what should be fought for but that doesn't make any sense either it's all just useless I'm just tired but also angry and I don't know what to do with anger or where to put it so I'm just trying to rationalize what can't be rationalized and that's just my whole life anyways just trying to to put logic on the illogical like that's ever going to work. I'm just feeling and I'm trying to make it into something that it's not it's just emotion and I don't know what I'm doing I don't understand emotional stuff like that I'm such an emotional person but I don't understand emotion that way I I only know the logical processes of it that's the only way I can understand it but it's not logical it never is I don't I can I can make guesses and estimates and and use statistics to understand it and and The logical pathways but at the end of the day there's nothing logical about it there's no way to predict it there's no way to calculate it there's no way to measure it exactly or perfectly or solve it or figure out the right answer there is no right answer and that bothers me. I don't like living without answers I can't handle not having answers I can't handle not having solutions and instructions and logical conclusions but that's not what life is it's not about logic it's about emotion and everything basically everything the world is driven by emotion and I don't understand it and I won't understand it and I can't understand it and I feel like I need to and want to understand it and I don't even know why I feel that way because it's all unnecessary anyways I don't need to understand it and I know I don't need to understand it but I feel like I need to understand it and that's another feeling that's completely illogical as well it's all illogical and I'm trying to rationalize it and I don't know why I'm trying to rationalize it because that's also illogical