question

My current struggle is with POCD. It started around age 7-8, and I had it really badly until about age 15 or 16, when it was replaced by a contamination obsession. However, it came back recently at the age of 19. I started doing a compulsion that I didn't realize was a compulsion at the time I actually thought it was helping me. Eventually, I started trying to perform this compulsion during incredibly difficult moments. After attempting to do it during a private matter, I realized how bad things had truly gotten. I began searching online to understand why I was doing this and to see if anyone else had gone through something similar. That was when I discovered I might have had OCD this entire time, which led me to start therapy. I was recently diagnosed, and it has had its ups and downs. Still, it is almost funny how attempting that compulsion at that specific time ended up waking me up, in a sense. I haven't had any POCD-related intrusive thoughts since then. I’m currently just dealing with the guilt part of it all in therapy. I feel a bit upset that it got as far as it did for me to realize I needed help and finally tell family and loved ones what I was going through to break me out of this brain fog, But i’m glad i’m getting better in some ways.

trigger. i’ve had POCD, zoophilia ocd, contamination ocd, counting ocd, social ocd, harm, symmetry, rocd, harm ocd. mine likes to switch. i always deal with guilt, go quiet, and feel like im not enough. i do feel like i do the best when im up moving around and or busy.