Rocd

Does anyone with Rocd get to a point where they’re making final decisions about the relationship in their head? I feel like my thoughts have come to a place where I am thinking of how i’d say I can’t be in the relationship anymore. I just kind of want some relief from my spiraling and checking how I feel in every moment. I feel like I can’t always meet my boyfriends needs. He is always happy and laughing. There is rarely a moment when he is not imo. And I can be straight faced, still, just want to be quiet and enjoy the silence or do my own thing. But I feel like I always have to entertain him and match his mood. I feel like if I don’t match his mood then i’m being mean and then he’ll think I don’t like him or i’m not having fun with him. My therapist told me recently to try just voicing my genuine preferences sometimes. And I did last week, he always laughs about one of our cats and I don’t find the cat funny in the exact same way all the time and instead of laughing to make him happy like I tend to do, I didn’t laugh. He asked why aren’t you laughing at this? I just said I guess I don’t really find it funny. I felt more empowered to say this. This week we are on vacation and the few times when i’ve just been silent like on the beach or whenever, he asks me what i’m thinking about or even if he doesn’t, I feel a pressure to entertain him all the time. But I think part of my ocd comes from me not being able to really be myself around him. I feel like I always need to match his energy and I use a lot of mental energy to unfortunately be someone i’m not all the time in this aspect. I love him and I think about us and i’m happy most of the time and in the things we do together. This has been my first long term relationship, first boyfriend and everything. I just feel like if I could not feel and be responsible for his feelings I’d feel better. But I feel like I took some of that emotional load because he is always happy and joyous around me. I feel pretty guilty about this but i think I would be happier if I could just be myself. and maybe he’d be happier being with someone who matches his happiness as often as he feels it.

Cat-Mom

Date posted: 20h

Hi! My boyfriend is a very joyful person as well. He laughs at a lot of things I don’t laugh at, but I still find those things funny. When we’re watching TV, I watch him laugh sometimes as much as I watch the TV, because I like seeing him joyful :) Silence doesn’t need to be filled with conversation, if I or my partner asks the other what they’re thinking about and we say “nothing”, we move on in silence! I get the fear of needing to be “on” with someone. When my OCD started getting worse that’s something I feared too. Suddenly feeling the dead air, or being nervous if he was discussing a topic I had no interest in. Truth is, that’s inevitable. LTRs imply that you’ve passed the initial “impression” stage. The dynamic in these relationships is wayyyyy different than the early dating stages. Euphoria really isn’t there the way it was (if you even experience that in the beginning!) Focus on how you love him, I think your thoughts are hijacking your memories a bit. Don’t be afraid not to laugh, and speak when you want :)

Lala4

Date posted: 17h

I find myself doing this a lot too. I tend to have a resting sad face or Im straight faced most of the time, even if I’m enjoying myself. Everyone expresses their emotions differently and a partner who knows and loves you will understand that you just find humor and preferences in different things

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