EXTREMELY TRIGGERED (ROCD) PLEASE HELP

So I have cheating ocd and false attraction ocd and rocd and I love my boyfriend more than anything in the world. He means the world to me. I struggle a lot with feeling like I have crushes, Ive kinda moved past it n learned to be comfortable with uncertainty. But today at work I had an intrusive thought of having sex with a coworker and my first response to it was recognizing that it's hot but not actually wanting it. Like about a COWORKER. And Im like ok, fantasies are normal. But I feel so sick. I am filled with guilt, I dont even WANT anything to do with this coworker at all I constantly ignore him, I recognize hes attractive and I KNOW its normal to find people attractive/hot or whatever but I fucking hate it. I feel like a horrible partner. I want to make it all stop. He doesnt even deserve me because my mind is full of disgusting thoughts. Im genuinely like having a panic attack over this because I feel some part enjoyed the thought even if I didnt want it. I feel sick. Please Like I dont want reassurance or whatever but I need help.

Honeyshark

User type: OCD Conqueror

Date posted: Yesterday

Thoughts and feelings aren’t facts. You chose to live your values - that’s a win!

ptnginaalakpa

Date posted: Yesterday

Honestly same. What has helped me a bit is the distinction of thinking about it vs acting on it. I think with there being a clear boundary of what you’re thinking (bc of ROCD), and actually acting on those thoughts. Not sure if this is helpful or even remotely good advice, but when I have these thoughts I stop and think is this me or ROCD? And then I’ll think about the future and usually all roads lead back to my wife bc logically and emotionally I know she’s who I love, and helps push those intrusive ROCD thoughts away.

Roryrororo

Date posted: Yesterday

Thank you, its just so hard because the thoughts feel so incredibly real and like it DOESN'T feel like ROCD at all which is the scariest part

ptnginaalakpa

Date posted: 18h

@Roryrororo Just remember, OCD usually involves distressing intrusive thoughts that can be different for everyone. You got this! Just trust in your feelings over your thoughts.

kk444

Date posted: Yesterday

I’ve reached a point where I let my thoughts play out in my head I don’t try to stop them .. (I think that’s come with just being so tired of trying to fight the thoughts for so long lol) .. and then I just say there goes my ocd again or I laugh I try to down play them ….. since doing that the thoughts have died down a lot for me.. I’m showing the thoughts that they don’t scare me anymore I’m use to them popping up in my head.. im letting them know that I know who I am you can continue to play these horrible thoughts in my head but that doesn’t mean I agree with them. once the thoughts see that they can’t get to you anymore they kind of leave you alone.. slowly but surely

kk444

Date posted: Yesterday

@kk444 And yes I refer to them as if they’re a actual person lol

Roryrororo

Date posted: 17h

Thank you, its just so hard because the thoughts feel so incredibly real and like it DOESN'T feel like ROCD at all which is the scariest part. I know thoughts are just thoughts, and even if the thoughts were true then it would have no effect on the outside world, but it makes me feel so guilty. Im scared the thought was real but the ocd I felt after it was the only ocd part of it. I know it was an instruive thought, but I almost felt like somewhere in me I recognized the idea of it was attractive, not so much that I actually want to do it in person or have any desire to be with anyone else

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