Relationship Struggle.

I need help, advise. So I and my ex recently started talking and she's been giving me mixed signals and I still have strong feelings for her so I decided to ask...I'm kinda scared of her, I always make her angry no matter how I try not to. She eventually told me she wanted to keep me but what she went through in the past was way to bigger so therefore, she doesn't want a relationship but wants to be Friends with benefits FWB since being friends would get complicated anyway. I felt hurt, like is that what she has reduced me to. And somehow I find myself talking on and on about, asking how she could say something like that. I overrated and she pulled back, said we're not even in a relationship but we're arguing again, the exact reason she doesn't want one. Realizing she still love me but just scared of the settings, I found myself confessing my actual feelings again, love. I told her I wanted her too and God help me I want her so badly. I'm going crazy, I'm afraid I must have ruined a tiny chance. I've dropped a long message on how I want her back in my life and I even added a "I love you" in hope she realizes how much I want her. She thinks I'm a horrible person and I'm so scared I may go into depression again, if she rejects me. I need help please, she hasn't replied , although she said she was busy but it's eating me up.

Pisces@eleven

Date posted: 17h

Hello, I hope you are handling it! I understand how you actually feel, and I know that sometimes when we are in love we can’t see things clearly, so me a person outside of that situation can tell you what I see from my perspective without all the love kmicals in my brain! Haha

Pisces@eleven

Date posted: 17h

You love her, that is True! Those are you feeling, take em and hug em! Do not feel bad for giving or trying to give something to someone, because when you allow yourself to give, you allow yourself to receive what you are giving!

Pisces@eleven

Date posted: 17h

Rejection hurts, and arguing should feel like an space where we both bring our Discomfort to the table! Voice may raise up, but you feel confident about the link that it won’t broken! But you should not be controlling yourself as a puppet to avoid your loved one get in anger

Summaiyat

Date posted: 16h

You're right. I normally handled rejection, in fact I've got a lot of self respect, or at least I used to. But ever since my OCD got trigger, I just can't. Ii once had a panic attack from the thought of her leaving me, that was actually when the relationship ended, we were having a heated argument. Now she's back, we still argued, she didn't come to stay, she just came and I feel like I'm going to lose my mind if she leaves again. We both want each other, she wants me but not a relationship, I want her and a relationship, something real but the more I confess my feelings, the more it hurts cause she doesn't take it well and I just can't stop

Pisces@eleven

Date posted: 17h

Love is a mansion, where you can walk naked and barefoot! It is not a house filled with rotten glasses where you have to be careful what to say, how to behave, and where you walk

Pisces@eleven

Date posted: 17h

If you think that, shaping yourself would make it work, you can, but at some point you may realize that you changed so many things in you that you are not longer YOU! And when you try coming back to YOU, they may get mad, because they like the modified version that fits in their own way and the small space that they assigned you where to exist! All of this bc they do not like YOU!

Summaiyat

Date posted: 17h

Omg I'm so grateful for how you took your time to type this down for me. Thank you so much, I feel better.

Summaiyat

Date posted: 16h

@Summaiyat But what if ME is not really me but just the OCD

Pisces@eleven

Date posted: 16h

And what if forcing yourself to be there is not you, but OCD trying to resolve that puzzle?

Summaiyat

Date posted: 15h

Oh my! You're right 😥

Pisces@eleven

Date posted: 16h

I meant, leaving her may be Me/ocd wishes, staying here might be ocd/me wish, but there is another way

Pisces@eleven

Date posted: 16h

Leaving her is Me, staying here is also Me! Both are true! And both are ME! I can see how bad I feel here and I can see how much I love her, am I in a dilema? Yes! Do I have to resolve the dilemma? No! She doesn’t want a relationship, but I do want it! Not a match at this specific point in life! If she is the one for me, she will come back in the future! But right now I decided to live without solving the dilemma! Because both are me! And she doesn’t loving me is her and that is true!

Summaiyat

Date posted: 15h

Om I've never been spoken to like this. Thank you so much. Are you a therapist?

Pisces@eleven

Date posted: 13h

I am not! But I am in therapy and I have multiple OCDs And a couple weeks ago the right one broke up with me! My “right one”

Pisces@eleven

Date posted: 13h

So I share your feelings and the same I am telling to you is the same I am telling to myself! I am not resolving the puzze anymore! Maybe it was OCD, maybe it was me! But the other one has fully capability to decide also, and they did not choose you! So you have to close the book and start a new one where you seek for what you actually deserve

Summaiyat

Date posted: 13h

I needed this. Thank you buddy. You have no idea how much that helped 😥🥺

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