Help (ROCD)

So for a moment there I thought my boyfriend had cheated on me because there was a misunderstanding. I went on break, and on my break there was a guy who I used to have false-attraction OCD about. He is very nice but I don't find him very attractive, but during this situation my OCD latched onto him and thought about him as what if he was a rebound if things go bad with my boyfriend... and in the next few moments he was trying to plug in his charger but the outlet was behind me, so I offered to plug it in but then realized there was a charger behind him so I pointed it out. I spoke to him maybe one other time but that was it then we just sat there silently because I didn't want to talk to him. But my OCD is making me go crazy over this. Because I was thinking about a rebound or flirting or the potential to date, I feel as if I've somehow flirted with him by being nice. I just can't even make much sense of it But it's like... If I had an angry thought in my head and was mean to someone because of it, that would be me being mean If I had a thought of hypothetical scenarios of dating while talking to someone, wouldn't that mean I was flirting? It's like. I feel like I was thinking to be nice for the possibility but I don't know. I just am so stressed and confused and feel so guilty because I feel like I really did flirt with him

Tea and Honey

Date posted: 14h

don't worry about any of this. This is just OCD trying to make you miserable. Don't let it. Just let it all go and keep going forward.

Roryrororo

Date posted: 14h

So it doesn't sound like I did anything wrong? Everything I've read has said I've done nothing wrong but it feels like I'm not making sense enough

Tea and Honey

Date posted: 14h

@Roryrororo You didn't do anything wrong. Here's your flag to know that you are dealing with OCD: When you reason the situation out, you can't see anything wrong. But then the FEELINGS come in and tell you that everything is doom and destruction. That's OCD for you. It does this to me all the time. The truth is that we need to RECOGNIZE that the OCD is trying to play games with us. Then we can just ignore the OCD :):)

Roryrororo

Date posted: 13h

@Tea and Honey Thank you. It just feels like I DID do something wrong and I keep telling myself that I did something wrong. I know that thoughts don't equal actions but it feels like I acted on it by plugging in his charger because I was in the way and by responding to what he said to me. It was like in my mind I was intentionally speaking and being nice just in case he was a rebound or something

Tea and Honey

Date posted: 13h

@Roryrororo Let it go!!! Let this be a practice in letting go. Just keep moving forward. If the OCD brings it back up, just say, "Yep, I totally flirted with him and I'm totally a bad person. Yep." The OCD doesn't know what to say to that, LOL ! It is a technique to remind your brain that even what you fear can be faced successfully :):)

Roryrororo

Date posted: 12h

@Tea and Honey But if I did flirt then Id want to be able to tell my boyfriend 😓

Tea and Honey

Date posted: 11h

@Roryrororo Nope. You are not going to tell him. That is giving into the OCD. It's an OCD compulsion to tell him.

Tea and Honey

Date posted: 11h

@Tea and Honey You have to let those intrusive thoughts and obsessions just bounce around in your head and be there, all day, if they want to. Just let the thoughts be in your head. Don't try to fix them. Confessing to someone else is trying to fix the thoughts. But in the end, that only makes the OCD worse. The way to beat the OCD is to ALLOW the thoughts to run wild and free in your head--and you just don't care whether they are there or not. It doesn't matter if you were attracted to him or not. It doesn't matter if you had thoughts about attraction or not. You don't need to say anything to your boyfriend. And you don't need to feel bad. In the end, what matters is your WILL. Your fleeting emotions and thoughts that go up and down don't matter at all. It is with your WILL that you decide if you are going to have a relationship with another person. And it is only until you have an actual, tangible, physical relationship with somebody else your boyfriend can get mad at you. But so far, nothing has been done. There's no need for guilt over this. Situations like this can be a golden opportunity for OCD to try to torture you. But you are not going to let it. You are going to stand up to the OCD!

itscrowtho

Date posted: 11h

Sounds more like intrusive thoughts abt ur relationship attaching itself to a person, I've had this before and it sucks, but you didn't do anything wrong

Roryrororo

Date posted: 11h

But it feels like I only felt so comfortable talking to my coworker because I saw him as a potential rebound or something, but idk

itscrowtho

Date posted: 11h

@Roryrororo What your brain says isn't true to your character,, ocd makes u feel things and fixate on things that genuinely aren't bad at all and convinces you that you've done smthn wrong,, to me it doesn't sound at all like cheating,, cheating is getting physical or fully pressing a relationship behind a partners back. Which u didn't do that so ur fine😌

Roryrororo

Date posted: 11h

@itscrowtho But is it flirting😓??? I'm so worried about flirting

itscrowtho

Date posted: 11h

@Roryrororo Not at all!! I'm also worried abt flirting so I get it,, but that wasn't flirting,, flirting is intentional ongoing and intense,, trust me you're okay

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