Thank you for that. I don’t want to be overwhelming, for sure. Emotions are amazing and equally as destructive if allowed to run wild, no doubt. For me, I wouldn’t say I’ve learned to be less sensitive, but i learned how to know what to allow and not allow when it comes to feeling a certain way about something or someone. I went completely off the deep end with my emotions a while back because i was utterly convinced nobody cared about me at all. While it’s not false completely, it’s not entirely true either. I took everything to heart, felt the smallest forms of rejection at the deepest parts of me, and literally nearly let it eat me alive. I was done, i had a plan. It was in that moment i realized i can’t do this anymore. If I’m going to be alive, i need to be able to live. I need to be able to be who i am without feeling like that burdens every living thing. The truth was, and is, I’m not. There are those who genuinely care about me. But that wasn’t enough. It was when i learned to generally care about myself that things changed inside me. Most of my life i felt i was in the way of everything and everyone. I felt i was the reason nothing worked. This wasn’t something i was born with, it was how i was shaped through life. I finally decided no, that’s not what it is and I’m not the problem. It took 46 or so years to get to that point. I learned what self compassion meant, though i initially and quite publicly denied the need for that in my sessions and groups. There’s no way a person who hates himself more than anybody else possibly could, can understand or possess self compassion. But i was wrong. It took and still takes a great deal of me to face my decisions and things I’m responsible to answer for. But the rewards, indescribably worth it🥹. When you can see your own value, you look at others less for validation and assurance. You see yourself and how beautiful you are, how worth it you are. You can see others for who they are rather than what you think they think of you. It’s still weird to think i can accept myself and be proud of who i am, but i am. Not so much what I’ve done in the past, but what i do now and everyday until I’m gone. I do the right thing, not because I’m better than others, but because i learned to face my rampid thoughts and say I’m sorry, you just don’t know who i am, but i do. It’s a beautiful place to be and one i never thought i would know. There’s still days i struggle, and hard, but i don’t spiral, that’s the difference. I’m not my mistakes and I’m not my thoughts, neither are you. For each thought and doubt you have, try to match it with “yeah ok, but”. “He thinks I’m so clingy….yeah ok, but i love to show him what he means to me”. That kind of thing. You know why? Because he probably enjoys how you show him what he means to you, rather than thinking you’re clingy. Our own heads clog reality. Flush that crap out lol. Let you, get to know your true self🥹🎗️!
