Please some advice or love or something 😭😭😭😭😭

The grief im feeling for the boy I once loved is so heavy. I have to work all hours of the day and dedicate everything to my job and right when I have a minute off, he’s the only thing in my head. My OCD ruined us. And now my random attraction to others and constant craving of attention is ruining me even more. He told me I completely screwed him up and the guilt is so heavy whenever I feel feelings towards another guy/try to look cool around one. I miss him so much it is so painful, and it’s unlike any breakup I’ve ever had. Everyone says we’re going to find our way back to each other but I feels like every time I leave my house my brain is convinced I’m in love with a different guy, or I’m getting ready for something and realizing I want to look impressive for a certain guy, etc etc when I don’t even mean or want to. I’m so tired of this. I miss him so much. How do I make this lighter because nothing works and I’m exhausted and I miss him but my guilt and current feelings/thoughts have been stopping me from ever successfully talking to him without it being an argument about my guilt and choices

jalex2891

Date posted: Yesterday

i’m really sorry you were experiencing this. It sounds like you have internalized his comments into extreme guilt. Now you seem to be doing very norma things and your ocd may be interpreting them in ways that are not accurate. You got this.

simpson578

Date posted: Yesterday

I’m so sorry your experiencing this sending u love it’ll be okay

bumblebee_bu...

Date posted: Yesterday

Hi Noono, I’m really sorry to hear that your OCD has affected you deeply. When you say that he felt screwed over, was that a result of your relationship OCD / telling him about your attraction to others? Just wanna understand more about the situation. I hope you are well.

noono

Date posted: 17h

@bumblebee_bumbling Yea, I kept vocalizing my problems with feeling feelings for bad people, such as the ex my ocd latched onto, coworkers, etc. It wasn’t all his fault but he would talk down on me and be like “I KNOW you have work crushes”/persuade me to tell him if I wanted to look attractive in front of certain people to trick me into telling him then aggressively laugh in my face in anger to taunt me. He stopped letting me explain myself until I felt like my OCD wasn’t real. Again, not all his fault as I wouldn’t know what to do with hearing that either …

chanalexxa

Date posted: Yesterday

My ex told me i screwed him up too. The right one will never make you wonder. My current partner is the most reassuring and loving person i’ve ever met. Do not settle for less than you deserve. It does get better with time 🩷

danid120

Date posted: Yesterday

I know my rocd caused me to end a very happy, healthy relationship. It was 6 years ago and I still get sad thinking about it and have the urge to apologize again and tell him about my ocd so he knows it wasn’t his fault that I ended things the way I did. I recently found out that he is engaged and I think it triggered a lot in me because I know he deserves love and happiness, I’ll just always beat myself up and selfishly wish I could’ve stayed and been “the one.” I think my mind is attaching to the uncertainty of “if I didn’t have ocd, would I have been the one for him?” And I will never know. It’s very painful.

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