You can't trust yourself during an OCD attack

What I mean by this is your OCD has insane, honestly impressive tricks to make you terrified about something that is not a threat. I have had a fear that has terrified me over the last day. After resisting the compulsions im now all of the sudden not scared of it. I am not sure if I am out of this fear permanently or if it is just a little break, but either way a real concern doesn't just go away or jump to a different fear. There is this quote from a song by mgk that is about drugs but I think it also applies very well to an OCD attack. It is: "I wrote a letter to myself in the form of a song I can play when the sun shines I know better to trust anything that I say to myself when I'm this high" I think of that when my OCD is screaming at me that something is a threat.

LittleBittyBaby

Date posted: 13d

You should be proud of resisting! It can be so difficult at times but with more and more practice we will be over-comers! OCD loves to play tricks on us. We are so much more than OCD! We will be conquerors!

JS55555

Date posted: 13d

Thank you!! We got this!

Sunshine (iy...

Date posted: 13d

When ocd makes me spiral I always tell myself to make sure I don’t make any important decisions regarding my life or my relationship or anything like that bc I know when the ocd calms down I’d regret it

JS55555

Date posted: 13d

Yeah it is so much more convincing than many say

Strawb3rry_wine

Date posted: Yesterday

truly😭 I feel I act like a completely different person when I'm having an OCD "episode" (if that's even the clinically correct term, ish) and I hate it so much. It really does feel like being under the influence in a way. Not only is it bad for you but it's also very hard for the people around you 😕

Strawb3rry_wine

Date posted: Yesterday

@Strawb3rry_wine also love the addition of the mgk quote 💕

JS55555

Date posted: Yesterday

I know exactly what you mean. I literally can't trust my reaction to things and I become unable to function well. I hate how clever it is as well

JS55555

Date posted: Yesterday

@Strawb3rry_wine I heard another mgk quote today that I am going to post

Strawb3rry_wine

Date posted: Yesterday

@JS55555 i just become so paranoid and emotionally immature and react to everything to an unhealthy degree. and i feel like the people around me notice it, especially my family. i truly don't mean to do it but i'm exhausted from fighting w those thoughts all day :(

Strawb3rry_wine

Date posted: Yesterday

@JS55555 i'm familiar with the song and i love it 🩷 please do!!

JS55555

Date posted: Yesterday

@Strawb3rry_wine Sorry to hear that. I think my biggest problem is falling into unstoppable googling spirals. One day 10 months ago I googled for 16 hours straight. I miss important things/events and fall behind on important things. It used to be super noticable to people when I was having an episode as I would and still somewhat do act super scared and distant. Then I realized that I was scaring the people who cared about me, so hiding it became an ocd obsession and compulsion itself, so much to where I stopped even telling my therapist the truth and quit therapy, and would hide myself for my severe visible breakdowns. This is something that I am just now getting better at. I am going back to therapy

Strawb3rry_wine

Date posted: Yesterday

@JS55555 oh god... that sounds rough. I'm sorry you felt like you had to hide that. that must have been exhausting to feel like you couldn't talk to anyone about it. I'm glad you're getting help now! also, I can relate to the compulsion of Googling the same thing over and over. that's something I used to struggle with a lot. you hit the nail on the head when you said it's like an "addiction to certainty", it can feel like nothing else matters until you get your "fix". like the whole world needs to stop until you solve the problem you've created in your head. I know that's a really hard thing to overcome but you're strong if you've made it this far! keep going ❤️

JS55555

Date posted: 19h

@Strawb3rry_wine Thank you! I am sorry about what you have gone through. That sounds rough as well Thank you for the motivation too! I truely have made huge progress and am living a pretty normal life now. I just don't want to fall back so that is why I am getting help. I even have a second phone with no browser that I can switch to if I feel a need to

Strawb3rry_wine

Date posted: 18h

@JS55555 that's great to hear!! i'm still working towards living a "normal" life, my disorder kind of blew my whole life up a couple of years ago but i'm trying to get it back. it's good to hear from someone who made it to the other side 🥹🩷

JS55555

Date posted: 17h

@Strawb3rry_wine I'm sorry to hear that! It is definitely possible to get better. My current thing is that I need to work on staying better when I get better and I believe that my huge fault has been to not admit that I still have an underlying problem when I get better that I need to prevent, and then I fall right back in. Anyways, with all that said, I can definitely say that throughout my recovery journey I have absolutely had several month long periods where I barely had any thoughts related to OCD, so I can say with certainty that you can get better. Like I said, just don't to what I did and stop tending to it because of denial when it tries to come back. By the time I would snap out of the denial, it would have come back hard and was a bit too late to prevent a relapse. I am working on maintaining my recovery long term, and I have so far. I have entered a more stressful time in my life, so with that I get intrusive thoughts, but I can say that I have not intentionally engaged in major purposeful compulsions in 7 months for the first time since this set in 10 years ago, so recovery works and I am sure you can do it. It does really suck though when it is relentlessly trying to tear down your life, and I don't think that people without the disorder truely understand how talented it is at that. I am not sure if you know Gracie Abrams but her song "the knife" captures this feeling well. She has ocd herself.

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