stuck and can’t recover :/

I had a lot of OCD loops about exes or guys I knew when I was dating my past boyfriend. And I wrote them all off as OCD, but when I saw my ex somewhere in public after the breakup I was CONVINCED I wanted to get with him again and even dmed him. With one of the other guys, the exact same thing happened when I saw him. I totally disbanded any stupid decision I made directly after I did it, and felt that even though I felt feelings upon seeing them they were either not true/faded within hours, I should feel eternally guilty. My past bf even knows about this and says it’s okay if I don’t like them still and it was just a few dumb choices, but I’m SO GUILTY IT WONT STOP!!!! He’s also tried to go back on his words and tell me how absolutely stupid I am for doing those things and he’s right and I still can’t figure out why I felt so strongly in those moments Everyone says I did nothing wrong to warrant such a bad breakup and then I mention how I tried to see my ex AND another guy that I convinced my partner and myself was ROCD and then it’s like oh….thats weird. I seriously don’t know how to fix this at all and I’m scared like, maybe I still feel feelings for these two people but I also never think about them

Lizzy2112

Date posted: Yesterday

This has happened to me a lot and I’m married. I also confessed to my husband what was going on and we almost got divorced. I just truly have to stop myself when those feelings come up. Bc they r not real. I try to remember why I’m not with those guys anymore. Hope everything goes better for u hun

berry blue

Date posted: Yesterday

@Lizzy2112 I’m sorry you’ve felt this too. I just worry because I think that partially, my feelings are real. It’s a matter of if I should feel guilty for them or not that really concerns me

Lizzy2112

Date posted: Yesterday

@noono I also feel guilty but then I keep telling myself that it’s just thoughts popping into my head and I don’t have to act on them while married or in a relationship. I understand where u r coming from bc this has ruined sooo many of my relationships. We r all just human and we (me u and everyone else on here) suffer with ocd dont feel guilty about something u can’t control. Just try to control your actions after u think them. As far as feeling guilty for your break up dont hun

MK97

Date posted: Yesterday

I wouldn’t tell your partner tbh or def not all of them…: cuz they ARENT YOU. Most people without OCD won’t understand that but it’s the truth If I can ask, when you get the guilty feeling, where do you feel it, and what safety behaviors do you do to try and get rid of it?

berry blue

Date posted: Yesterday

@MK97 When I feel guilt it presents right after a physical “love” feeling. Like, today I had a thought about how I don’t miss the one ex, but I had a feeling of yearning for who he used to be. It’s a physical heart type of feeling. Then the guilt is lower in my stomach and in my body, like my blood feels hot and everything tenses up if that makes any sense idk if that was weird I’m sorry

MK97

Date posted: 10h

No not weird at all. But what do you do to try and get rid of that feeling typically? (This is your compulsion)

berry blue

Date posted: 10h

@MK97 I’m so embarrassed but I’ll use chat gpt, then even go to Gemini, then NOCD, trying to find different responses in case one of them gives me the “right” insight. I also check their socials and see how I feel when I look at pictures of them

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