SO OCD

just remember your sexuality will not be discovered through fear, try to remember your values i know it’s difficult but those ounces of light try to focus on. I also recommend therapy as it helps and hopefully someone who specializes in OCD it’s been a struggle but I totally get where you are coming from and I was in the same place you were very recently it’s so hard

Here for you! I don’t have an answer but want you to know you’re not alone. I’ve experienced this in so many different patterns and ways over the last year. Sometimes I wonder if it will ever go away, or I can’t remember what it feels like to not analyze it all the time. For me it started shortly after I got engaged to my husband and I was really fixated on the decision to get married and that something was wrong with the path I was taking. At times I feel at peace but then my brain reminds me there were other options I didn’t experience, and makes me doubt who I am and whether I know how I feel.

I could have written this! It’s exactly how I feel! I want a man so badly I’ve been single for 3 years now after a not so great 6 year relationship (ended badly and with some abuse) but I really want a partner and more children but somethings stopping my wanting aligning up with how I feel so I just think I’m going to be single forever! I want a man but can’t feel right and I don’t want a woman but somethings telling me I do! So I feel in denial too!

Hello Anonymousgirl4, What you’re describing—feeling lost, not knowing what you want, and constantly questioning whether you “really” like men or women—is something many people with OCD experience, especially when OCD targets sexuality and identity. Many people with OCD struggle with intrusive thoughts surrounding their sexuality and identity. This is not a reflection of your values, as OCD tries to latch on to what we value and make us doubt if we crossed that line. OCD often pushes people to check their feelings over and over, imagine different situations, and then doubt whatever they notice: “What if I do want this and I’m denying it?” or “What if it’s real this time?” That cycle can create numbness, confusion, and a sense of “I don’t even know who I am anymore.” None of this means there’s something wrong with you—it means your brain is stuck in a loop that can be treated. If you’re struggling and need more assistance, remember that help is available. Please don’t hesitate to reach out to us at NOCD to find out how we can support you. Also here are some helpful resources: https://www.treatmyocd.com/blog/the-truth-about-handling-discomfort-with-ocd/ https://www.treatmyocd.com/blog/intrusive-thoughts-sinful/ https://www.treatmyocd.com/blog/why-do-i-feel-numb/ Take care, Ian M. Reeder

I struggle with this theme, and I can tell you it is possible to feel better. I highly recommend you try ERP with a qualified therapist, perhaps here on NOCD as I have done.

I could’ve written this, too! The truth is neither option can sound “bad” and it doesn’t quite mean anything about your sexuality. Many women platonically build lives together and have fulfilling experiences doing so. I would focus on that right now: your thoughts do not need to be dissected because they still may not give you an answer. I think more often than not the answer will come when you’re really not thinking deeply about it. I think of how many people describe just “knowing” their sexuality. If you can embrace being in a gray space for now, I think you’ll eventually feel more peaceful with yourself. I’m so sorry you’re going through this. It stinks, but you’re stronger than the thoughts!