Does anyone understand this feeling?

Hi everyone, I don’t post on here very often because I’m honestly scared of sharing my thoughts. I’m afraid people won’t relate, will think I’m weird, or even think I’m a bad person. This year I’ve really been trying to get better. My psychiatrist and I finally figured out that what I’ve been dealing with is OCD. I’ve started medication, and it has been helping a little, but I’m still trying to understand how my OCD works. One thing I struggle with is that my brain makes really strange connections. For example, if I hear someone say something like, “Have they gotten their life together?” my brain immediately turns it inward. Suddenly I’m questioning everything. Am I doing enough?,Am I failing?,Am I a bad person?,Am I behind everyone else? It feels like my brain takes one comment that wasn’t even about me and turns it into a judgment about who I am. When that happens, I spiral into feeling hopeless and depressed, and all I want to do is stay in bed because everything feels pointless. I’ve also noticed another type of thought. My grandmother was talking about a family member who passed away before I was born and who had really hurt her. My OCD immediately came up with the thought, “What if I’m the reincarnation of that person? What if I’m actually bad?” Even writing that feels embarrassing because I know it sounds irrational, but the thought still feels so real when it happens. Another thing I struggle with is weighing myself every single day because my brain has connected my weight to my self-worth. I’m trying to work on that too. On the positive side, I have been making progress with taking care of myself. I’ve been doing better with showering, brushing my teeth, washing my face, and consistently eating breakfast and dinner. I’m proud of those improvements, even if they seem small. I guess I’m posting because I’m wondering if anyone else experiences OCD making bizarre connections like this. I know reassurance isn’t the answer, but it would help to know I’m not the only person whose OCD creates these kinds of stories. Thank you for reading. I hope you’re all doing well, and please stay safe. 🧡

tbreezy1217

Date posted: 14h

I also do stuff like this, trying to learn what’s truth and what’s not and move forward!

Unwellread

Date posted: 15h

When I tell my therapist what I'm struggling with, she always asks me, "What is the feared outcome?" If your weight changes in a way your brain thinks is negative: what is the feared outcome? You mentioned your weight is tied to your self-worth. If your weight is not "satisfactory", what do you believe you will be unworthy of? Love? Kindness? Compassion? Would you feel this towards someone else who weighed the same? I think this is a great approach because it forces you to put a definition on a vague fear. Another thing we talked about recently was when feeling shame, ask "who is shaming you?" Can you name them? Or is it a "faceless horde" in your mind- your OCD masquerading as the outside world? I personally have moral scrupulosity OCD: My brain thinks everyone is going to find out I'm a bad person and leave me. During a hard day at work when my coworker didn't say hello in a happy enough tone for my OCD, I started spiraling, trying really hard not to cry at my desk. I reached out to my therapist and she gave me some great statements to use in response to the thoughts: "People might think things about me- and I can handle that" "I'm allowed to be seen imperfectly" (my favorite to use) "This feeling will pass without me fixing it" "This is the part where I let the thought be there and move on" I keep these on a post-it on my monitor to look at whenever I'm struggling. As a reminder, this will not immediately make you feel better. It's going to feel uncomfortable to sit with the bad thoughts. But it's how you take control of the OCD. And you are totally capable of doing this. Good luck, OP 💛

JustRell215

Date posted: 14h

Hi! I'm glad you did share this. My OCD does make bizarre connections too. Especially in my ROCD. It's all just OCD playing it's tricks.

i have hope

Date posted: 15h

I have definitely taken a comment and turned it inward. And I go into a spiral also, so you are not alone in that. I have never had the reincarnation thought, however. Please don't be afraid about sharing your thoughts. We are all here to help and support one another. Your self care progress is awesome! It may seem small to you, but I know how just taking care of daily tasks can feel overwhelming while dealing with OCD, and you should feel proud of yourself and give yourself credit for these achievement. One step at a time.

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