Alone.

I cannot fucking stop myself from ruminating. I feel so lonely and I don’t know what to do and cannot distract myself or get my mind to stop racing!! My closest people are busy and I feel guilty for asking to take up their time. I feel like a burden and I am in the way and always doing something wrong. It feels almost impossible to ask for help even in for the smallest things and I can’t stop worrying. At this point I’m so exhausted from my mind racing and worrying about every possible thing that could go wrong or shit I feel guilty about (drinking a bottle of water from the pantry because it’s one less and what if someone else was going to drink it and fucking everything costs money nothing is free) that I can’t fully explain what’s wrong and how to fix it. I would love to break it all down and be able to know exactly where things are incorrect or could be fixed in every aspect of my life but I don’t have the energy. And now everything in my life is starting to fall apart (something’s fucked in the front end of my car, havent had an alignment in over a year and a half, no sticker, need to get it registered in a month, gas is so fucking expensive, my check engine light is on / my job is so fucking stressful I’m salary getting paid 40 hours but I’m the manager and have 3 other employees at my shop open 8-8 every day so im always covering and staying late and I’m so fucking burnt out from doing everything myself / I live with my parents, my brother/girlfriend and my nephew and my other brother, and whenever I’m not working I can’t ever take a shower or get laundry done. And forget about fucking eating here. I also just lost my health insurance and am dealing with that and hoping my medicstion doesnt run out, because this is how fucked I’m feeling now- I cant imagine cold turkeying 5 of my meds?? But yeah 🙃

Kxtie

User type: OCD Conqueror

Date posted: 19h

I am so sorry you're struggling right now. It sounds like you're going through a lot. About stopping ruminating: when your in the process of ruminating or when you feel like you're about to, stop. Think, "maybe this is something I did or didn't do, maybe not" or, "maybe I need to think about this, maybe not". It's definitely not easy, but it's the way forward. You said that you feel like you can't stop ruminating and that is honestly really relatable. It's something you work away at, when you notice you're doing it, when you're about to, or when you think something needs more thought. When you mentioned your mind racing and worrying about every possible thing or concern that was also really relatable. When those thoughts come up like, "That's one less bottle for someone else to drink now" or, " What if someone else was going to drink it?" or, "I should've saved it, especially since everything is so expensive now." You just have to let them pass. You probably already know that, but it's always a good reminder. Letting the thoughts pass and sitting with the emotions it causes (anxiety, fear, guilt, etc..) is the way forward. I know it's a lot easier said than done, but that's how you start to get better. Also, something that my therapist told me that I find really helpful is: when a thought starts with, "what if" and there's a doubt, it's OCD. I'm sorry you're going through so much right now. It probably feels really lonely and isolating. Sometimes it's hard to remember, but you're not alone. You can and should talk to people about how overwhelmed you feel. It doesn't have to be a huge conversation that takes up all their or your time, but then they know you're struggling and can help. I know it's expensive, but therapy also might help. OCD therapy or talk therapy because getting your mental health on track is also really important. Sorry for the really long response, but I wanted to give whatever help and encouragement I could. You can do this. Remember the hard days are never permanent. And you're not alone.

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