Letting everyone down

My fears have made me avoid things I would normally enjoy. It’s not in the background anymore and something I could push through but I have avoided everything. I have genuine dread thinking about events and I feel selfish for not going to things people invite me to but I know I’ll be spending the whole time spiraling or trying to calm myself down. The fun I end up having(if I even have any) isn’t worth the mental exhaustion.. Even church makes me scared. Everyone asks what happened and if I’ve been okay but I just stand there looking stupid because I can’t come up with a lie since I’m too scared to explain my fears and then I feel like a bad person and a liar for not telling people. But they wouldn’t understand if I did..

Tea and Honey

Date posted: Yesterday

I totally understand. You are not alone. Everyone with OCD knows how you feel.

oliviabroewn

Date posted: 19h

@Tea and Honey I feel so glad I found this community, it really does help me feel less alone. Thank you :)

linnked

Date posted: Yesterday

Dang I know how you feel. I also sometimes struggle with the feeling that I need to feel "just right" to be able to enjoy anything, which is it's own maddening thing. It's hard to have self compassion. Living in the moment feels elusive.

oliviabroewn

Date posted: 19h

@linnked Yeah.. it’s really hard to remember feeling good during an event since it’s been a few months since the beginning of this flare up. I’m glad I’m not alone though.

gracethul

Date posted: Yesterday

this is so real i love hanging out with my friends and my boyfriend but the whole time i look like ive seen a ghost and i just end up sitting in a corner trying to calm down enough to actually be present in the moment.

oliviabroewn

Date posted: 19h

@gracethul I’m glad you know how I feel. And it makes me feel so alone when I just can’t explain to them what’s actually going on when they notice my distress. :,)

Kevin V

User type: OCD Conqueror

Date posted: Yesterday

You can accept yourself unconditionally, even if you are a bad person, a liar, etc. Don't always avoid things you enjoy. Even if you know you are going to feel terrible, still do those things sometimes while allowing yourself to feel terrible as you do them. This is an important part of recovering from OCD. You don't need to avoid things just because they make you feel bad. Being able to tolerate the terrible feelings help to build your frustration tolerance, which is very helpful for recovering from OCD.

oliviabroewn

Date posted: 19h

@Kevin V I forced myself to go to church a few times recently and it feels like I get worse after I expose myself. This morning I was ready to go but I just broke down and felt so much guilt because I knew I wouldn’t be able to get out the door. I’m gonna try to go to the afternoon service and push through it. Thank you for your input, it helps :)

Kevin V

User type: OCD Conqueror

Date posted: 19h

@oliviabroewn I understand that it is going to be difficult. Recovering from OCD is one of the most difficult things a person can do, in my opinion. As such, it is important to keep going, even when you feel terrible. When you show yourself that you can do things even when you are afraid and feel terrible, you slowly build confidence and resilience that really help lead you to a more stable place mentally.

oliviabroewn

Date posted: 19h

@Kevin V I’m gonna try my best. I’ve avoided a lot and I was sure it’d make me more scared and I was right. I’ll need to crawl back out of the hole I dug. Thank you and I’m also hoping my first new psychiatrist appt next week will help me a lot too !

mack.1234

Date posted: Yesterday

All of the people I love most in my life have let me down sometimes. Your ocd is telling you relationships are black and white. "People will leave me if i let them down." But this is a thought, not reality. I hope you can talk with a therapist

oliviabroewn

Date posted: 19h

@mack.1234 Yeah, a past therapist pointed this out in my thinking. A lot of things really do seem black and white to me and this guilt really stems from that. That’s what’s really hard about the OCD right now. Immense guilt pouring over me about how much I’m missing out on and how people will think. My mom told me that I need to let them think that, even though they likely aren’t, but it’s very difficult. I have my first psychiatry appt next week so hopefully they can do something :) thank you.

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