Rocd making relationship problems bigger

Does anyone else's ROCD make it seem like small problems are huge? I'm someone who likes flirting with him while we are out, but he doesn't really like it and thinks things like that should be more private. Now surely if we can find a middle ground where both of us are comfortable it will be fine because realistically it's not a big issue. But then my OCD strikes and starts asking " are you sure you want a relationship like this?" " What if he's embarrassed of me?" " Is he right for me if we are slightly different?" It's so so loud for me at the moment and it's making me feel really really anxious! It's the first issue we've had and we've been together for nearly two months and have known eachother for more than two years. How does anyone stop themselves from engaging with the thoughts like you're meant to and carrying on without making things a big deal - like not sweating the small stuff as people say?

Anonymous

Date posted: 10h

Two things I do. Firstly I consider the other possibilities like he just has different values in regards to “appropriateness” in public, or had a bad experience with PDA that makes him uncomfortable. There’s often an underlying reason for something you wouldn’t even consider, and more often it has nothing to do with you. Secondly, TALK TO HIM. Something like “hey I noticed you don’t seem to like me flirting with you in public. It’s something I enjoy but I won’t do it if it makes you uncomfortable” and from there you can discuss boundaries and help you understand each other better!

StrawberryMu...

Date posted: 10h

Oh yeah definitely! We have talked about it already we just haven't found that middle ground yet of where we are both comfortable. I just told him that I start to worry when he doesn't flirt as much which makes me overthink that he doesn't want me anymore. But I think that's the OCD talking! He says he still loves me but wants to keep that side of his life private which I understand. His past relationships don't seem to have been the best so I think he's just learning what it's like to be in a healthy relationship the same as me. I just don't want to upset him by saying something wrong. The main thing I need to remember is that he still flirts with me LOADS when we're not with anyone we know which is obviously really good still. I just kinda worried he's embarrassed of me but he said he's not - and I start to reassure myself by saying if he was embarrassed he wouldn't be seen out with me and hold my hand or kiss me etc.

Anonymous

Date posted: 10h

@StrawberryMustang37 One thing my therapist told me, if they haven’t told you it’s a problem, you need to assume it’s not. Otherwise you’ll drive yourself crazy with what if’s. And hopefully he’s mature enough to communicate if he needs to.

StrawberryMu...

Date posted: 3h

@Anonymous That's very true because if it's a problem and he hasn't told me, in a kind of way that's not on me because I didn't know. I absolutely believe he is mature enough to say something, he's mentioned little things to me before so I presume if it was a problem he would have said, it's just about ignoring the OCD

Anonymous

Date posted: 10h

Ngl I always sweat the small stuff, I just straight up ask. It’s good to understand each other’s boundaries early on.

StrawberryMu...

Date posted: 10h

Yeah he always says whatever is bothering me we can talk about it to put my mind at rest. I think because I'm finally in a healthy relationship my ocd doesn't have any problems to pick from. So it's making up its own hug problems out of small ones

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